Wedding Invite to Husband Only

[MiniOneFree]

A wedding invite arrived by post today, we were expecting it and excited to open it.

Only my husband's name is on the front.

On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.

It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

This couple (let's call them Amy and John) came to our wedding in 2022. John is an old school friend of my husband's. They are in touch all the time. I met Amy at our wedding, she seemed friendly but as with weddings I didn't get to talk to her much. She made a comment which I do remember about my husband punching above his weight, which not only offended my husband but also we felt was a bit weird and rude as was in front of a group of around ten people who all laughed.

I want my husband to go to the wedding, if he wants, but would rather he didn't, but I don't want to stop him.

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I think it's completely astonishing and I can't help but take it personally.

Is excluding wives and husbands a thing now ( like not including children) ?

Is it understandable to be so upset about this or AIBU?

That is a good policy to have.

It is not your problem OP. He can go, or he can stay home. Don't mention it again and just let him do whatever he wants and it is one less couple you have to ever see again or make any effort with.

Are there any other friends of your DH going without their wives? I think it's fairly normal and have been to wedding receptions twice on my own with work colleagues and uni friends and ive recently been invited to a wedding single with all of my activity group. If your DH isn't part of a big single group then it's mean. If he only knows the groom then who's he going to party with?

Its sad because things like this tell you who your friends are. I would leave it to your DH to decline if he sees fit and navigate his friendship with this person however suits him best. He might be happy enough to not go and not worry about it.

I've said YABU on the assumption your DH has been invited with other friends but if this is not the case then yanbu.

I think that the comment about your husband 'punching above his weight' was intended as a compliment to how attractive you are

She probably doesn't want anyone attractive at her wedding and has vetted the list. It's probably 85% male.

It doesn't seem to have occurred to the many posters saying that DH only being invited to the evening is a snub, that the couple might be having a minimalist register office wedding followed by a party. The kind of wedding that so many people are promoting on another thread.

But this thread is full of people wanting to think the worst of the couple. SO many batshit posts from people who see their own coupledom as sacred.

I just don’t understand what happens to some people when they start planning a wedding! It’s like logic, common sense and to be honest manners go out of the window. Me and my husband are a team, 1 if you like. I would be offended if one of us were invited to a wedding without the other especially ifs a friend and not for example a work colleague etc. so bizarre how people talk about money etc I had a small wedding on the budget I could afford and I would rather it be kept small than try to include some but exclude others in doing so.

Tbh you’re never going to get a right answer. To me when you’re married, you should both be invited. Even a long term relationship. I’m old, I had my wedding thousands of years ago and everyone was invited, albeit maybe in percentages of day and/or evening guests. Sure there were people at my wedding who aren’t together today. But that could be said whether they’ve been together 25 years or 1 year. I still find it strange that it’s only the evening and why can’t you be invited? I know people have said there’s restrictions on numbers in venues, costs etc ….of course there are. But personally I’d rather drop a single,someone or something rather than not invite a married couple and tbh even in a venue of 450 people, I’m sure someone , something can be dropped for the wife of the childhood friend.I just couldn’t not ask you, I think it’s basic etiquette for you to be asked. As I’ve said if it’s the cost, unless they’ve got a free bar and you’re a raging drunk who takes the piss, I can’t get onboard with the costs comments. I have never been to a wedding with a free bar. Even my own lol.Food if provided is there whether you’re there or not. You’re hardly eating a horse I’m sure.

I do understand “the plus 1s” brigade. In my day we did do plus ones, I can’t remember if it happened at mine. Both my husband and I had free rein and equal share of asking our friends, colleagues etc. it was a joint decision who we asked. Whether I didn’t know some of his friends partners, or my husband didn’t know my friends or their partners, I can’t remember, but everyone was asked. It was a celebration, a party, we wanted to share it with everyone. And no we weren’t well off at all…our wedding was done on an absolute shoe string , but we took cuts on everything else to be able to have the big party wedding. But I do agree in this day and age it seems the plus ones and kids are beginning to be a no in the wedding world.

lots of people have said about going to colleagues weddings alone etc. personally I think that’s a totally different thing. If I were to be going to a colleagues wedding reception, I’d presume other colleagues would be going too. We’d have each other there to stand with, talk to etc. it would more like a works night out. I just don’t think it’s comparable in this situation.

I wouldn’t take the punching above his weight comment to heart too much. Where I come from it’s a compliment. It’s telling you how pretty you are, it’s a way of breaking the ice with you. She was probably awkward at your wedding that she didn’t know you and it was an attempt to be friendly to you.

I can see how you were expecting to be asked and be excited etc. my husband and I are old, we love any chance to be sociable with our friends and families, to catch up with everyone. We’re all women, most of us enjoy an occasion to dress up for

I think tbh you’ve got to put it behind you and move on from it. You’ll never get an answer as to why you aren’t asked and you could come up with all manner of reasons if you let your mind run away with you. We’re all different, we all experience different things in different etiquettes. Even here, look how much all our wedding guest experiences are so vastly different? It doesn’t make any of them particularly wrong or right.

Maybe all you can do moving forward is try to be more sociable to them as a couple. Instead of your husband just seeing his friend, open your home to them, ask them to dinner , go into town for a drink etc.

I get the budget issues but these have been a an issue since time began. It just is just a faux pas to not invite long term couples particularly if married. I think if you are young and have a bunch of uni mates who all know each other and you don’t know their partners then inviting them as a group would be ok. Once you are older though it just is weird honestly. I wouldn’t even want to attend my best mate’s wedding if my husband wasn’t invited. I wouldn’t know anyone else there and it would just be an awkward day of making small talk and no one to share the experience with. Weddings are special and celebrate the love of the couple getting married but also the collective love of the couples attending. My husband wouldn’t go if I wasn’t going with him .

Happened to me. I was invited husband wasn't. Didn't go.

Even a minimalist wedding you would invite your close friend and family partners. I have honestly never heard of people being invited as a single person unless they were invited as colleagues or uni mates (or a group of people who are not key players who will have a gang of people to hang around with).

I didn’t want my husbands friends to come without plus ones because it would inevitably turn into a repeat of a stag do with them getting hammered and not mingling and just propping up the bar.

It's interesting that he is one of your DH's closest and longest friends yet not only have they not invited his wife (you) but your DH is only invited to the evening not the actual wedding.

I think you’re being precious. They are probably just trying to keep costs down. Weddings are expensive and it may be a small one. You don’t really know his wife. It would be a shame for your husband not to go.

But personally I’d rather drop a single,someone or something rather than not invite a married couple

So @Rainbowdottie , you'd dump a single person that you actually know, for a spouse who you met once, if at all?

No wonder some single people feel second best in their friendship groups. I find your attitude appalling.

Yes I agree. I always feel a bit sorry for these codependent types who can’t even attend a party without their spouse. Feels very old fashioned to me, like something my grandma would get het up about

I think it is rude that you have not been invited.

A minimalist register office wedding is parents and siblings only, to me. Or even just a couple of witnesses.

My husband was invited to recent wedding without me. In the end some people dropped out and then I was included. Not that big a deal - just to do with numbers etc. I wouldn't let it get to you.

No. But I went anyway.

It’s utterly bizarre and wrong on so many levels.

This never would have happened in the old days.

I wonder if the bride is a bit precious and controlling.

@saraclara
We had a minimalist wedding, but it didn’t ever enter my head not to invite partners. It’s an utterly ridiculous thing to expect people to go to a wedding celebration without a partner. Have you heard of such a thing called etiquette?

Me and my husband are a team, 1 if you like.

I don't like. You are two individual people. Not some weird, conjoined blob.

Poor “tight fisted” etiquette
most evening only invites are cash bar and a few sandwiches bit of left over cake, last one we went to we had two free drinks each and a slice of pizza . I only went because I liked the couple ( and we were BOTH invited )

do it’s insulting to exclude you

I think you took the “ punching above his weight” comment a tad too seriously, I’ve said it a few times and ment nothing serious by it at all
its just a old fashioned ham fisted way of giving you a compliment while ribbing your husband

I think he should go and he should keep up his friendship but maybe in a month or two mention that you were offended by the snub

you know where you stand

Sorry, but 😅😂🤣!

There goes my etiquette again.

Maybe it's because I'm old (I remember reading my grandma's book of etiquette when I was a kid in the early '60s) but I really can't take etiquette seriously any more (if I ever did)

I would invite couples together as well, the irony of it is that by not inviting the couple together, they are refusing to acknowledge someones wife/husband at an event where they want to be acknowledged as husband and wife. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think this is a really weird and rude thing to do but have noticed it’s becoming more common.

I find it odd that he is one of your DHs oldest and closest friends, sees him often, and yet only merits an evening invite. Unless its a tiny ceremony and reception, that seems quite the slight. I dont think declining will bother the wedding couple in the slightest, so I wouldnt go.