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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think parents en masse should have tried to hold the line and not give under-16s social media?

118 replies

Carla786 · 02/02/2026 18:43

I'm Gen Z and was not allowed a smartphone until I was 16 (primarily because my mother was worried her estranged & abusive ex would use it to stalk me) I was furious with her about this for ages & it did cause some difficulties but ultimately I'm grateful I didn't have one. A lot of drama & upset at my school seemed to be fuelled by WhatsApp, among other issues I've seen SM cause among my friends and wider peer group.

I know it's extremely hard especially when all other children have them...what was needed was a collective effort. If smartphones had never been allowed for under 16s, I think the current explosion in mental health issues, and related issues like online misogyny and ROGD would be far weaker.

OP posts:
Original poster
Carla786 · 04/02/2026 22:01

Another76543 · 04/02/2026 07:32

I don’t think a total ban on phones and social media for under 16s is a good idea. Going from nothing to full social media access at 16 is a recipe for disaster. The reality is that phones and social are a part of everyday life now and it may be wiser to introduce these things more slowly, and with controls, and for adults to show them how to use phones and social media safely. The children who have the most issues seem to be those whose parents who have just let them loose on their phones with little restrictions.

As an example, mine had What’s App in around year 5. It was used for family chats and a handful of close friends who we knew. They did then have a couple of group chats from year 7, but I was checking their phones daily for anything inappropriate. Predictably, there were some (minor) issues with a group of two, so we talked to them about it and explained why we needed to block certain people etc. They did join instagram when they were mid teens, but again with restrictions as teen accounts. They use it for sensible things, like following pages on sport etc. They know they are not allowed to have people they don’t know as followers etc. My children have said they don’t want Tik Tok or Snapchat as they’ve seen the issues it causes. They manage perfectly well without these things.

I do think a few things have helped massively. They didn’t have phones or tablets as young children. Screens weren’t the default entertainment. They didn’t use screens as entertainment in the car, or on holiday or in restaurants etc. I’m still strict on no screens when we are eating, at home or out. Few children at our primary had phones. It wasn’t the norm. Our chosen secondary school introduced a strict phone ban years ago (before my children joined and before it was discussed in the media). My children are very busy with homework, extra curricular activities music etc. They don’t have time to waste hours on social media. They do have their phones available in their spare time, and do use iPads for games etc.

I’m not saying I have the answer, and I don’t think there’s a perfect solution. However, I think introducing social media slowly and safely, with restrictions is a good way of teaching them how to use it safely. Keeping children occupied with other things also helps as they simply don’t have time to become too obsessed with social media.

That sounds like a good idea. There were serious issues across the board at my school due to SM, but unmonitored people were the worst off.

OP posts:
FancyBiscuitsLevel · 04/02/2026 22:02

I do think one of the main problems is adults didn’t see how teens would use Social media in a harmful way until they had access to it. First teens getting smart phones did so when Facebook was still the main SM, twitter was still twitter and not completely right wing and it felt something that could’ve easily monitored and managed. Until it was clear it couldn’t be.

So may people when talking about limiting social media for teens don’t consider WhatsApp as part of that. that was the app that shocked so many Australian teens to lose.

Original poster
Carla786 · 04/02/2026 22:03

PluckyChancer · 04/02/2026 07:36

Nope, I never trust anything where a blanket rule is applied because it doesn’t allow for individuality.

It’s like those lazy managers that send out work emails to all staff instead of dealing with the culprit directly. Nothing gets resolved!

My teen DS has thrived using technology and he’d be struggling without it. We live very rurally surrounded by fields. Nearest town is 6 miles away by bus. He has no real friends but has interests that benefit from access to technology. He doesn’t use Snapchat and has never played Fortnite. He has taught himself several languages via Duolingo.

Edited

What about the blanket rules we have re under-16s and driving, alcohol, sex etc?

OP posts:
Original poster
Carla786 · 04/02/2026 22:04

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 04/02/2026 22:02

I do think one of the main problems is adults didn’t see how teens would use Social media in a harmful way until they had access to it. First teens getting smart phones did so when Facebook was still the main SM, twitter was still twitter and not completely right wing and it felt something that could’ve easily monitored and managed. Until it was clear it couldn’t be.

So may people when talking about limiting social media for teens don’t consider WhatsApp as part of that. that was the app that shocked so many Australian teens to lose.

Good point, I do get it evolved very fast.

OP posts:
Original poster
Carla786 · 04/02/2026 22:07

lljkk · 04/02/2026 08:27

I don't agree with the movement to ban SM for < 16s.
What exactly is the supposed evil of SM?
Talking to each other?
Sending(sharing) pictures-video-text with each other?
Reading skills?
Digital literacy?
Looking at screens too much?
Mass media distribution by unregulated parties?
"The algorithm" that affects us all, meant to retain and monetise our eyeballs?

Assuming the only actual Big Bad Wolf = "The algorithm", then why would we only protect children? What about vulnerable adults? Why can't all of us be defaulted to be opted out of the algorithm.

Will be interesting to see how Aussie ban plays out. As it stands, absolutely fine for Aussie teens to spend lots of their time on WhatsApp, Telegraph, Signal, Rumble and Bitchute. Bcz... I dunno why. Just is, totally allowed.

We have different rules for under-16s for quite a few things that also affect vulnerable adults : alcohol, sex, smoking, driving etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Carla786 · 04/02/2026 22:08

DoubtsAndConfusion · 04/02/2026 08:41

Have you read or come across the book The Anxious Generation? Well worth a read

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Also Stolen Focus by Johan Hari & Mind Change by Susan Greenfield.

OP posts:
Original poster
Carla786 · 04/02/2026 22:09

dragonexecutive · 04/02/2026 18:17

So should we allow 12-year-olds to drink so they can learn to handle their alcohol?

10-year-olds driving cars because otherwise how will they learn?

Maybe 7-year-olds should have credit cards because otherwise how will they ever learn to manage finances?

Such a stupid argument.

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Exactly!

OP posts:
Rewis · 04/02/2026 22:11

I don't think children need social media such as tiktok, instagram etc.

But then there is what's app where a lot of bullying haplen but it is also a good way to be in contact with friends and family. Yeah, they could have a Nokia 3310 but that is not realistic anymore. Everything is in a smartphone. I need it to do everyday stuff cause everything needs an app.

I'm for parents taking an active interest on what their kids are doing and have appropriate controls in place.

Original poster
Carla786 · 04/02/2026 22:13

Chipsahoy · 04/02/2026 21:11

It is the same as alcohol for me, you ban it, they sneak and they go nuts when they get it. One of my ds friends was banned so she just used her friends phones.
You educate. You communicate. You monitor.
My dc had phones at 12 and social media from 14. One is 18 now. He is a sports ambassador for his school and doing well in all classes. He’s also a rugby player. He learned balance. He didn’t and doesn’t spend all his time on his phone.
Protect your children by educating them. And boundaries which will differ for each child.

Re alcohol, do you disagree with the law preventing under-16s from drinking? What about driving, smoking, sex etc laws?

OP posts:
Original poster
Carla786 · 04/02/2026 22:15

Goldenbear · 04/02/2026 21:28

I agree but the idea that other generations didn't have mental health struggles is simply not true, in the past it was just repressed or people drank or took drugs more!

There have always been mental health struggles but there clearly HAS been a big increase for Gen Z.

OP posts:
Hourth · 04/02/2026 22:21

I have 'educated' my DC and communicated with them. I have also had the confidence to say 'this is bad for you and also a waste of your time, so I won't let you have it until you're older'. We had a lot of dialogue about it and they are on board. They are not sneaking other people's phones.

I think the argument that you have to prepare children and that outright bans can lead to rebellion are valid to an extent. But we know that just because children may one day have access to something harmful (like smoking), it doesn't mean they should have access to it right now. I don't see that having access to Snap at 13 means that by the time you're 16 you're completely fine with it. Quite the opposite actually. The 16 year-olds are more mature, have better brain development and are less socially needy. Often they don't even want Snap any more at that point. For the kids who got it younger, it's become their whole world.

If you have a good relationship with your kids, they will understand why they're not allowed on TikTok. Particularly if you've taken the trouble to talk to them about attention, mental health, disturbing content and most of all, wasting your time!

I think a lot of parents just don't have a coherent worldview or ethic that gives them the confidence to say, 'no, this isn't a good use of your time'.

Onceuponasunflower · 04/02/2026 22:37

I have a Y8 DC with no phone, like a PP said they are relieved not to be implicated in WhatsApp drama. Cycles or gets the bus to school, does loads of clubs and hobbies, does homework at school in the library. It's fine!

Goldenbear · 04/02/2026 22:38

Carla786 · 04/02/2026 22:15

There have always been mental health struggles but there clearly HAS been a big increase for Gen Z.

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Has there, I don't think that's true, I think it is socially acceptable to discuss mental health problems in a way that it wasn't for older generations. Different generations have their own struggles. When I was a teenager mid 90s to 00s it was a real mind f**k for many girls/young women in Britain as there was a pervasive media sexualisation of women but in contrast a ladette culture that was a form of freedom from expectations of femininity! Equally, I knew two boys that took there own life when I was at school, I really don't think the struggles were less, the were different and sadly many did self medicate in British culture with alcohol or drugs. There has always been crap parenting and people with a lack of guidance.

Bowies · 05/02/2026 06:16

Mine didn’t have a smartphone until 13 or 14 which was fine. Until then a Nokia brick type phone, however most primary age at the time had iPhones.

I don’t actually agree with a blanket ban to 16.

Mumdiva99 · 05/02/2026 07:05

Carla786 · 04/02/2026 21:49

A school PC would have some restrictions - you wouldn't be able to access WhatsApp, for one.

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The kids have to use home devices for homework. We aren't provided with them.

Needlenardlenoo · 05/02/2026 07:31

Carla786 · 04/02/2026 21:59

I agree bit we do limit a lot of things via ban until 16 or 18 : driving, alcohol, sex etc

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That's true although the difference with tech is it's all basically controlled by businesses outside of this country whereas the other things are ones the UK can actually enforce (to an extent - I wouldn't like to know how many people are driving round without a licence...)

Girasoli · 05/02/2026 08:12

I think it also doesn't help that so many things are online only these days...luckily our town will still give you a physical bus yearly saver ticket, so DS1 will be heading to secondary school with a brick phone.

Luckily part of my job is data protection so he just sort of rolls his eyes and accepts I am strict about phones/posting stuff online.

TheNightingalesStarling · 05/02/2026 08:20

In our area you can do everything without a smart phone... but they do make life easier.

Fir example... there's a bus timetable at the bus stop. But if you scan the QR code, it tells you exactly when the bus is coming, if its been cancelled etc. The real time information.

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