To think parents en masse should have tried to hold the line and not give under-16s social media?

[Carla786]

I'm Gen Z and was not allowed a smartphone until I was 16 (primarily because my mother was worried her estranged & abusive ex would use it to stalk me) I was furious with her about this for ages & it did cause some difficulties but ultimately I'm grateful I didn't have one. A lot of drama & upset at my school seemed to be fuelled by WhatsApp, among other issues I've seen SM cause among my friends and wider peer group.

I know it's extremely hard especially when all other children have them...what was needed was a collective effort. If smartphones had never been allowed for under 16s, I think the current explosion in mental health issues, and related issues like online misogyny and ROGD would be far weaker.

I held out for as long as possible but I’m afraid other parents didn’t feel the same. The crunch came when my 11 year old daughter had a sleepover for her birthday and all of the other girls were bringing phones. My daughter didn’t have a phone. I mooted the idea of the other girls not bringing phones (with the mums) but they looked at me as though I was (a) accusing them of bad parenting and (b) unreasonable. So the problem was, I knew the girls would spend all evening on their phones and this would make my daughter feel isolated and it would ruin her birthday. And here we are. I really think we are 10 years off people waking up and realising.

On a separate note, my two daughters are quite different. The older one would have tolerated us taking a stance. The younger one would have made our lives a living hell if we’d not given her a phone - and I’m sorry to say she’s devious and she’d have bought one in secret with her savings.

I work in child development, by the way - and I’ve recently been into schools that have pouches where children have to place their phones during school hours. These are great for the child during school hours but it needs to go further.

My DD’s had Facebook on the computer younger (pre smartphone) but it was supervised. I honestly don’t think it’s social media per se it’s lack of parental supervision

You can access home Wii-fi without a sim like a laptop does

I did.

Never allowed on social media until 18, and strict family media policy (in writing) for first phones in secondary school which was updated as they got older.

If you allowed peer pressure to force you to make decisions you knew were bad for your children, then that is on you. 'But everyone else does it' is not a valid excuse for harming your own children.

My son is 13, 14 in September and is ostracised for not having a smartphone or social media (he has a £20 Nokia phone). He is laughed at for not knowing the trends or anything about the social media world. Teased on school buses when phones are allowed and he has nothing to do. I feel totally torn.

He understands where we as his parents are coming from but also wants to be “normal”, I don’t know what to do.

My DD is just one school year below, 12 soon, and in a friendship group which is largely smartphone free. She has zero social issues.

I’m hoping when DD age 2 reaches this age the massive public health issue of teens with social media will be managed at a societal level.

Smartphones are banned at both my DC’s secondary schools, I don’t understand why all schools wouldn’t do that.
Dumb phone kept in bag and turned off is allowed, as some DC take public transport.

I don't agree with the movement to ban SM for < 16s.
What exactly is the supposed evil of SM?
Talking to each other?
Sending(sharing) pictures-video-text with each other?
Reading skills?
Digital literacy?
Looking at screens too much?
Mass media distribution by unregulated parties?
"The algorithm" that affects us all, meant to retain and monetise our eyeballs?

Assuming the only actual Big Bad Wolf = "The algorithm", then why would we only protect children? What about vulnerable adults? Why can't all of us be defaulted to be opted out of the algorithm.

Will be interesting to see how Aussie ban plays out. As it stands, absolutely fine for Aussie teens to spend lots of their time on WhatsApp, Telegraph, Signal, Rumble and Bitchute. Bcz... I dunno why. Just is, totally allowed.

Have you read or come across the book The Anxious Generation? Well worth a read

It’s a great book which all parents should read. The difference between girls and boys was interesting, and the effects of social media. It seems to me that a lot of the issues with girls and social media is a lack of self esteem and the desire to feel popular. I think as parents we need to ask ourselves why so many teens have low self esteem to begin with.

Presumably it was not being used for calls and just like a miniature iPad connected to the internet. You can still use Snapchat Instagram TikTok and send messages without a contract or sim. Worrying that you don’t realise a iPhone can be used other ways than as a phone.

Also on the train
Also at friends' houses

I don't understand why they stopped making people provide ID to access adult material online......we had to jump through 1001 hoops just to watch a horror film. Yes it was a pain but looking back it provided a safety net.

Kids are bombarded with indecent and violent images at the touch of a button now and it's destroying them. The legislation now around porn means nothing as they can just use a VPN to get around it it's just sad to see the harm being done.

The biggest elephant in the room is that at my DDs secondary school the only way for her to access the homework app was on a smartphone! I’m sure they are not the only school to do this. And I’m sure she’s not the only child who didn’t have access to a laptop so a smartphone was the only option.

My son is 13 and in year 9, he only has access to YouTube and WhatsApp. Everything else is blocked, he's shown no interest in anything else. But there are kids at the school I work at (sons old school) and some of these kids have had Facebook, tiktok, Snapchat etc since they were 6 or 7! Parents openly said they didn't think restrictions like family link were necessary!

What kind of school do they go to? Do you know many parents who did the same? Are you religious?

(Curious!)

Mine has a nokia dumbphone. It doesn't have WiFi access. And her sim has no data.

I'm.gonna try and keep it like this as long as possible.

Will probably have to get a smartphone once in college.

As I think if she goes to uni and gets one for the first time it may be too much.

Better to get it when she's still at home.

So gonna try and avoid until college.

The issue I have with the SF free childhood is that the movement actively promotes a child having WhatsApp on a home computer. It just seems so unnecessary.

So should we allow 12-year-olds to drink so they can learn to handle their alcohol?

10-year-olds driving cars because otherwise how will they learn?

Maybe 7-year-olds should have credit cards because otherwise how will they ever learn to manage finances?

Such a stupid argument.

Same with secondaries here. Smart watches are also banned.

www.theguardian.com/technology/2023/jun/03/much-easier-to-say-no-irish-town-unites-in-smartphone-ban-for-young-children

The ban isn’t working either as children in those countries have already found a work around.

We had locked down the phones as much as we feel we need to. But you’re never going to stop a rouge phone or a rouge teen or adult sharing the stuff.

Also a lot of parents don’t monitor the home pc or laptop and then feel all safe and smug when there child’s on god knows what but that’s ok because it’s not a smart phone.

What we need is the nasty stuff to be locked down to only those proven to be adults. Want to watch porn prove it with your credit card and I’d.

Social media has gradually grown- think how new Instagram is, for example, it began only in 2010 and was small for a couple of years, Snapchat of similar vintage.

Even before you consider pester power.

If you are to ban social media for under 16s, aside from details as to which sites are in scope, it should not be a measure in isolation as some kind of silver bullet. Smartphones bans in schools and social media companies having to take defined actions or else be liable for content, for starters.

I work in a school that has smart phones banned. Not even in bags. They can have a dumb phone switched off in their bag.

Anyone caught with a smart phone has it confiscated for 3 days (first offence) then 2 weeks for a second offence.

The rules are VERY clear.

Bullying in school time has dropped massively.

What irritates me the most is parents moaning when their child's phone is confiscated and demanding to come and pick it up early. Why? Because their child is a pain in the bum in the evenings without it. E.g. the phone entertains the child in lieu of parenting.

My DC in Y5 will not be getting a smart phone. Nor will lots of their friends.

So true.

It’s definitely not normal where I am for children to have smartphones. It’s far more normal for a dumb phone around 11 (Year 6 birthday or post SATS) and then a fairly locked down smartphone around 13 (Year 8) with a decrease in what can be accessed as they get to the end of secondary.

However, secondary schools all insist on iPads and these or other computers are also frequently used at home.