Asking for an apology AIBU

[MyLimeRaven]

Back in October I nearly died, I stopped breathing and my partner had to do CPR until the ambulance appeared. In the hospital it was discovered I had a very high dose of tramadol, diazepam and PCP!!

No idea where the PCP came from and I had only taken the prescribed dose of the painkillers and diazepam. I was asked if I had taken the tablets intending to kill myself which I hadn't. The doctor wasn't too concerned and said aslong as my oxygen levels stayed up without being on oxygen I could go home the next day. I woke up the next day feeling like absolute crude and had to go back on oxygen as I was sitting at around 85% without it and they discovered I had pneumonia because I had been eating pizza when it all happened and they thinking it must have gone into my lungs.

At lunchtime my partner and I were talking when my social worker walked in. He looked at my partner like he was something he had trod in and snapped he needed to speak to me alone. We went to the day room where another social worker was sitting and he said that someone had made a complaint that my partner tried to kill me and has been controlling me for the last 9 years. I laughed as I thought he was joking but quickly realised he wasn't. He told me that I couldn't go home or that my partner would have to go somewhere else. I told him that that wasn't happening as I wasn't at risk from him in anyway shape or form. He then said that basically I was a silly little girl that was going to end up dead because of this man. Now this social worker has been in my house and has seen how my partner and I are together. My the time this conversation was over my partner had left as he knew from the look that something had been said against him. The police then went to see my partner and ask him what had happened. He gave his account of the day, then they came to see me and obviously our accounts were the same, so the police said their would be no further action as it was an anomaly and it was clear to them that I wasn't in any danger as my partner wasn't controlling or trying to kill me. I got home after the weekend and I was on antibiotics. We got another visit from the police as they wanted me to sign paperwork that they had told me the danger I was in even though 2 days previous the police said I wasn't in danger and he was clear of fault. The social worker then called again to find out why I had gone home with him and reiterating that he was going to kill me and I really needed to go somewhere safe. I asked him not to contact me again as I was sick listening to him say things about my partner that were not true. He contacted me again and I made a complaint to his line manager. Now I have no complaint with him coming to check that I wasn't in danger but the way he looked at my partner then told me not to tell him what he had said to me and to be miscalling him even after the police had done their investigation and we had proved that there were no missing tablets and then to keep contacting me when I have asked him not to. Would I be unreasonable to ask for an apology from him for myself and my partner. My partner has only just started not having a panic attack if people chap the door or he has a car door closing outside the house.

A quick Google will confirm that tramadol overdose will often test positive as PCP. It's very likely the PCP is a complete red herring.

Since my stroke I'm on a handful of tablets & hate the weekly task of putting them in the weekly/daily organiser as I struggle getting them out of the packaging.(even with a pill popper thing & a small knife).

However, I don't trust a service to do it for me & as the pills vary in size/shape & colour frequently it's impossible to know if they're the right pills or not - so your relative was lucky, but you can't rely on them looking the same.

i get a months supply at a time and there is never a month where the tablets are the same as the previous month, at least 2 will be different.

This is true, but the OP must have taken a significant overdose of tramadol to have depressed her breathing enough to cause an arrest.

That means that she's ingested a lot more than the contents of the dosette box. Tramadol are easy to get on the streets all over Scotland (and everywhere).

It does sound like the BF has managed to give the OP some extra tramadol.

But OP is adamant that she didn’t take an overdose ( one that put her into respiratory arrest) of her tramadol?

PCP I have now read is a dissociative anaesthetic drug. OP certainly sounds dissociated with this whole situation.

@MyLimeRaven none of the professionals you have mentioned could have anything other than your best interests at heart, is it not worth considering they might be correct?

I think you should be thanking them rather than asking for an apology.

It's pretty clear she had overdosed though, isn't it? Not from her own legitimate supply, but from somewhere.

would he benefit in any way from your death?

Well quite. So the question has to be how?

It sounds as though there are much much bigger things at play here; rather than asking for an apology from a professional who is just doing their job.

there are so many questions too… why as an adult do you have a social worker - do you have a disability or mental health condition. That means you are vulnerable or at risk? Given that the social worker has previously visited you at home it clearly wasn’t a result of this hospital visit.

you get trays of drugs from the pharmacist which again suggests the amount/dose of drugs you have cannot be issues more than a week at a time, again suggesting vulnerability.

if pcp can come up as tramadol I’m sure the professionals will know this and either double check or take a more cautious approach - they have not and are sufficiently concerned for your welfare.

i know there are some bad’ums around but quite frankly most professional won’t want to make their lives harder by making these things up. They have cause for concern, they can probably evidence it and it’s unlikely that an apology will be forthcoming. You’ve made the complaint and they will investigate.

whilst there absolutely should be accountability, this sort of shite is why people don’t want to go into these professions any more. And then you’ll complain that you are getting the support you ‘deserve’.

Everything about this story sounds very concerning, and I agree with others that it sounds like there is a big piece of the picture missing. The OP is very cool about the meds overdose, much much cooler than I would be. I would love to know what's really going on here.

You’re focussing on the wrong thing here.

If this had happened to me I’d be living alone (with my kids if necessary) and doing everything I could to come off all medication if possible, not hyper focusing on social workers.

Someone was concerned enough by witnessing your partners behaviour at one time or another to lodge a complaint that he may have tried to harm you.

It’s hard to look at our relationship for what it really is and we can sometimes be in denial.

Can you honestly say hand on heart that he treats you well and isn’t abusive in any way?

Why are social work involved? That would normally only be if you are vulnerable or have children? Why would your partner be worried enough to leave you in hospital if he hasn't done anything? What do your friends and family think of your partner? Do you have a life outside of him?

I don’t think the OP will be back to answer the very pertinent questions put to her. However hopefully she is reflecting on the sensible advice from PP’s. I also agree with you @EquinoxQueen regarding people going into social work. To deal with complaints like this! They deserve a medal the size of a bin lid.

On his pack there is a label that says what tablets are in there and what they look like. So although the tablets can vary from week to week, they should match the description on the label. It was because there was, for example, a blue oval tablet in the daily pouches, but not one listed on the contents label.

You are clearly vulnerable. The social worker has been to your home several times, why?

The thing that would most concern me if I were in your place would be your partners behaviour at the hospital.

You nearly died, there are concerns for your safety, you have been told not to go home with him.

Now if that were my partner he would be trying his hardest to find out what the problem was, speaking to the social workers and trying to understand why he was suspected of something so serious. He definitely would have been there to support me as best he could.

Your partner did a runner. What does that tell you?

Wts.

Sorry OP someone isn't being truthful here

All of that. Except I do have to take regular addictive painkillers, whether I’m happy about it or not, I can’t control what medical conditions I got lumbered with
I’ve also had diazepam before while waiting for spinal surgery

I believe you are being extreamly nieve here OP . My main reason for thing this is that you seem more concerned with blaming people doing there jobs and trying to protect you than the fact you nearly died due to an OD . I have a few questions 1 why do you have a social worker is it due to dv or do you have a physical / mental disability .
Why are your meds in a blister pack these are usually only given to people who have issue with memory.
3 do you or your partner experiment with drugs

Who made the complaint about your partner?

I find it odd your partner left the hospital based on a look and 'knew' something was said against him? No matter how bad a look someone gave me I would not leave my unwell partner alone in the hospital, i'd want to support them however I could. I also as an innocent person wouldn't make that kind of assumption.
For this incident to happen and a complaint from another person to happen, means someone likely has witnessed abusive/controlling behaviour from your partner and you're in the stage where you think your relationship is normal to not see what they're saying.

Agree with pp, what do your friends and family think of your partner really? It feels like you're probably blind to what's going on, or doing gymnastics to defend your partner, which is familiar as I would regularly defend him to 'win' him over and boost his ego and have him think favourably of me by defending him, because the alternative of dealing with his abusive behaviour for being called out for being abusive was not worth it.

I don't understand how the social worker did anything wrong. They were concerning for your welfare and if you had dangerous drugs inside you that you say you didn't take and the only other person in the house was your partner or seems a reasonable assumption that they came from him. .I'm not saying they did but they came from somewhere

Not necessarily. Our GP always does them weekly regardless

@MyLimeRaven Police don't just act on something like this based on a random tip off. Someone here is clearly VERY concerned about you, and to top it off, you ended up in hospital with an overdose that you have no idea how it happened.

Put the pieces of the jigsaw together. Something is VERY wrong here.

At the very least, use Clare's Law:
https://www.met.police.uk/rqo/request/ri/request-information/cl/triage/v2/request-information-under-clares-law/#:~:text=Clare's%20Law%20allows%20the%20police,risk%20and%20prevent%20further%20crimes.

If it turns up nothing, then so be it. But you need to be a little less naïve and a little more vigilant.

Most of my patients have them in weekly trays but they’re dispensed monthly , so 4/5 trays at a time - unless there are concerns

It’s so much more work and cost for surgeries and pharmacies (and patients) to have to request weekly scripts, dispense weekly and then collect/deliver weekly