To think you do have to do more than read with your child?

[areyousurre]

I’ve read a lot on here and other resources that all you should do with primary aged children is read to them / with them, and I suppose I’m questioning that a bit.

I’ve always read widely with my children but I’m not sure it’s made any real discernible difference in terms of language development or progress academically. And I now feel guilty that I haven’t done more!

I’d be interested in hearing what people honestly think. I don’t mean I’m going to stop reading to them but I do think I should be maybe doing more.

It’s also about what you don’t do.
Dont let them have too much screen time. Dont give them too much crap to eat.
Reading is so important. I can always tell which kids haven’t had much access to reading and books.
I am noticing a massive decline in handwriting. Is this because of screens? I don’t know but make sure your dc are able to develop fine motor skills.

As well as reading, talking all the time about things that we pass by or do.

For example, they had a good knowledge of trees, weather patterns, nature cycles, birds etc., simply from looking at things around us on dog walks, talking about what they'd seen and asking questions.

Taking them to places like museums, historic sites, etc., and discussing what we found there rather than just whizzing past looking at stuff.

Talking through basic everyday stuff like grocery shopping. Encouraging them to find items and then using the £x per 100g on the shelf label to work out the best deals.

It all just came as natural conversation rather than learning, but it's sparked their interest in all sorts of things.

I think it depends on the ability of the child. My daughter (aged 9) never had any problems in school whereas my son (aged 6) is really struggling with reading (though there could be something else going on). They are both read too. My daughter sits quietly and soaks it all in - though she is now reading independently and loves reading. My son bounces up and down, constantly interrupting and getting distracted. This is starting to improve as he gets older. We still read to him as I know it is important (I'm also a primary school teacher) but I definitely have to do more with him at home to help him develop some reading strategies and build upon his recall of high frequency words etc. As another poster said I think the most important thing is talking to your child. Opening up discussions and forming opinions explaining why. Lots of experiences, days out, nature walks, museums, beach etc. Educational toys but also lots of outdoor play. Spending time with your child is the most important thing and it's not easy I know when we are all so busy and exhausted.

Reading helps but it can be reading e.g. a recipe and making a cake. Playing games can help with numeracy. Telling the time, understanding a timetable, budgeting and money, calculating change. Spending time outside. Drawing, Lego, crafts to help with manual dexterity and spacial awareness.

I don't think worksheets are necessary. It's important that they can see practical applications for the things they learn in school.

Lots of good advice on here. I would just add, enjoy their childhood and let them enjoy it too. As a retired playworker, children learn a huge amount through play.

I did this and I can remember her face lighting up when I turned the page and there was a different picture. She had adult children of her own now.

We do read a lot with ours and think it has been great for them but also to.some.extent we also did it because we love it - being cuddled up reading to them is the best! Around this age was when we stepped it up a gear and did more complicated books than Julia Donaldson - do you need to refresh your books a bit? Do you have good non fiction books too?

I think a couple of PP have said this but I also think board games have been great for our kids. When they were learning to read, it gave them a bit of painless reading practice, there's a lot of maths here and there in many games, but more importantly I think games teach you how to problem solve and strategise

It sounds like you're engaged and that's what matters

It isn’t reading or worksheets though, is it? We’ve never actually had a worksheet.

The school have tried to encourage children reading to parents but ds can’t do this as he can’t read yet so it’s bit circular in terms of engagement and progression.

I don’t want to tiger him to Oxford but I don’t want him falling behind, ideally. I do know it is very early days.

I played a lot of board games with my kids from when they were very little. We also did lots of quizzes in the car and played computer games together. I always thought that was good. They’ve grown up loving games and puzzles.
I also thought it important for them to play on their own ( with no screens) I also did this from a very early age. I’d often have a couple of hours at the end of the afternoon where they had to entertain themselves. It worked well for my kids.
You have to treat each kid as an individual. They all learn differently. One of my kids practically taught herself to read from a computer game.

If a child has limited interest in books, I don't think it can be forced. You can keep revisiting but pushing it will only bring a negative attitude. Being out and about in the world with the child is what I believe is the most important, asking them open ended questions, then discussing things. So often you hear parents lecturing or 'teaching' kids, on and on talking about the bridges or the trees or whatever and the child only half listening. Asking why do you think trees grow here and not over there.. for example might get the child to think for a while and develop curiosity and then they are more likely to listen. Just let things sit for a while before explaining. I work with little kids (although don't teach literacy) and they only listen when they want to and wild horses can't get them to focus on something they don't care about, it's wasting time. I think you need to take what they care about and work from there. If a child is obsessed with one thing and there are no books, make up a story and do it orally, then maybe write out a story for them and read it. It doesn't have to be a good story, many kids books are shite anyway. Signage around the place is a good learning tool too, language is everywhere. Going around the shops and seeing the words in context helps, like toy shop or bakery or whatever their interest is.

Tbh my parents were utterly disengaged with my learning and we didn't really have books apart from the ones a grandparent used to buy us for Xmas and birthdays.

I read a lot more as a teen and that embedded it. I think the frequent exposure bedded it in. So don’t overthink.

If someone like me can pick it up, your kids are in a great spot to have you in their corner.

I started to read to mine around 5 months or something mad, with a bedtime bottle at night, at that stage it was more routine and the sound of my voice than anything else. The eldest is 9 now and I still read with him at night. It's uninterrupted one on one time for him. He asks me what words mean - we talk about the characters. He continues reading after I leave so he fills me in on what happened the next night. My middle guy we weren't as good on reading with him and he's not as into it - but I don't know which drove which, the chicken and the egg. He's getting more into it now, but it took him much longer to move onto chapter books. My youngest devours books. It's so good for their vocabulary, their imagination, comprehension. For the connection with their parents, so opportunities to talk together. It's been a hard slog but we're getting there and it's been worth it I think.

Ok retired teacher here 👋
there’s so many strands to this, I’m not sure I’ve got the energy to write it all down 😅

reading is highly important. For them to read to you and you to read to them. Reading helps in so many areas of their life. You may not notice it at home, but we really notice it in school. You can tell the children who read every day versus the children who don’t.

Reading helps with all sorts of skills. Firstly their language skills. Not only in early years, where they’ll need to language to converse with their peers and teachers, even for basic needs to be met, but wait until they get to like year 4 etc where they’ll be writing stories and explanations. It helps with their retention, again in simple terms it’s building their little brain up, but wait again until they get to year 2 and onwards where they’ll be doing formal comprehension…Early years do comprehension in a different way but it’s still the example of retaining info….following a story, what happens in the story next, repeating common phrases in the book, are all things the teacher is looking out for. It helps with feelings and empathy…we need very small primary aged children to navigate school without their parents doing everything for them…of course teachers are there to help…but a lot of importance is put on children to share, to be independent, to ask for things, to talk about things….and later on in school they’ll have more responsibilities where they’ll face bigger challenges. Feelings, empathy, relationships can all be covered in books in various ways, it’s handing children through books, the cues of life if you like. And of course books are bonding times, they’re quiet times, they spark the imagination. Imagination for play, for role play, for dressing up, for a theme of a story, for the ability to knowing and understanding bigger words and later on the spark of writing from an idea or strand, the use of phrases, the knowledge of various words and meaning.Ever been writing yourself and you can’t spell a word? So you’ll use a different one? We’ve all done it 😆. Your child will need that knowledge in school too. They need a bank of words too!

I think somewhere you said it’s hard to engage your ds. Boys are harder to engage in stories, more so as they grow through their school years. That’s ok. We try hard to engage the non loving readers at school. Early years will use voices for characters, props for stories etc. as they grow in school, we encourage children to to make up and act out stories. We try hard to engage boys in writing by making role play areas that boys will love…a car garage, a tool station shop where they’ll be buckets full of writing equipment and books literally in buckets next to tool belts, hard hats, mechanic tools etc. by reading at home you’re supporting all this language and play.

of course do other things with them. Again we see at school we see the depth of a child. We can see the children who go out, visit farms and zoos, pop to extended family , go to museums, go out on their bikes etc. We see the language they use when they talk about these experiences, we see a child whose excited to go to forest school because they’re used to being out on bikes and in the woods compared to a child who doesn’t go out and hates the cold or damp weather. We see children who are more resilient because they’re used to falling off their bike 100 times. We see children who have great knowledge of whales, dinosaurs etc because they’ve been exposed to those things and conversations at museums. We see the children who can converse at the lunch table, wait their turn, sit at a lunch table until they’re dismissed because they’re used to eating at a table.

I’m not saying if you’re not doing any of these things you’re wrong. Life for parents is busier than it’s ever been. It’s ok for kids to be at home at the weekend chilling. It’s ok for kids to learn through their tv or iPad about whales and dinosaurs. I’m really responding to the question of what else could I be doing. I’ve had parents ask me in parents evenings, what iPad programmes do I recommend for their child for learning. I don’t. I’m old school. If you can and I recognise it’s hard in today’s society with 2 parents mainly working full time, but take them to the park after school or before dinner. Go and visit granny and let them peg out washing, tend to the garden. Spend Saturday’s at the farm. Get them involved in housework and using a washing machine. You’ll be amazed how it all adds up 🫶

Reading together is also about conferring and sharing the pleasure of reading & stories and delight in language and imagination. It's modelling the pleasure of skill acquisition and showing you care about them doing that.

He can look at pictures in familiar books and retell the story to you, it's storytelling

We always read at home and i buy masses of books, each child has two full (half height) bookcases in their room. But i don't do worksheets/school type work.

We do lots of music, learning instruments, listening to a wide range of music. We do painting and pottery at home. We play a lot of board & card games together. We go to castles/ancient monuments etc and museums & exhibitions.

I do know the benefits of reading and I’m not suggesting I am going to stop but rather that a more focused attempt to support the learning at home would be helpful. Hopefully posters will take it in the spirit intended if I nicely say I don’t need long posts about the merits of not giving a tablet to my two year old!

There is nothing wrong with being Average and where they are in Reception isn't necessarily where they end up. That works both ways. Stop pushing and enjoy life.

Is there any evidence your dc is actually falling behind though? Education doesn't tend to be linear, either. Kids can be ahead behind, right on whichever track has currently been decided on.

Eldest dc is doing gcses this year. As the parent of a pfb 5 year old, I was convinced he would be an all A kid (I had a large clutch at gcse). But he's not me. And ultimately, he'll get out what he puts in. All the reading and cultural capital in the world won't help if the kid doesn't have the drive.

@Superhansrantowindsor I think you are right re decline in fine motor skills. Children naturally use their hands all the time even without toys, whether they are fiddling or making a mess or whatever. For some the only times the fingers take a break is screen time so i think it's definitely linked. I think if kids were more involved in household chores this would help, opening things, ripping things, preparing foods, flattening recycling boxes etc. Some won't hold a crayon or pencil but there are other ways of working the hands.

We hear a lot now about young adults struggling with social interaction. Its a big issue at interviews and working as a team. So lots of interactions with others, young and old. Lots of conversation at dinner including listening to the children. As much as possible get them mixing with the extended family, clubs whatever. In our busy lives it's not always easy but being conscious of it is a start.
Lots of chats about life events. Awaken a curiosity about life and the world around them. As a teacher of 40 years l was always amazed at how little some children knew about their local area, history, geography etc. Be constantly opening their eyes to what's just there. Without forcing it , of course. Make it fun. And lots of exercise and movement makes it easier for children to sit and listen in school as they have worked off energy elsewhere.
Any attention, chat, activities are all positive.

School should be giving him reading books he is able to decode. Which phonics scheme are they following?

You can still read it with him though encouraging him to try segmenting and blending them. Practise the harder to read and spell words.

I am enjoying life, thank you. I haven’t pushed at all, that’s kind of the point. I don’t think practicing phonics (as asked by the teacher) is pushing or not enjoying life.

@Leafcrackle he isn’t falling behind to my knowledge but I do fret a bit, probably needlessly so but I do care and I do want to be supporting him as best as I can. When I try to practice with him he often shouts out an answer that is wrong or unrelated; his speech can be very rambly and nonsensical (which is why all these posts about a curiosity in the world make me smile a bit - perhaps those posters have children a lot older!) and I suppose my view is that a lot of the time we go from learning to read to reading to learn. I feel like ds is perhaps at a funny stage where he’d like to be reading independently but can’t yet? I don’t know.

I have wondered if it’s a bit like the breastfeeding debate, where parents who have lots of books and read a lot themselves are more likely to be of above average intelligence anyway, so their children have an advantage anyway.

He only has one book with one or two words per page, and there isn’t a plot as such (it’s literally Pat Pan. Tap. Tap pat. Like that.)

Ds doesn’t engage wit it very well which I guess is understandable! But it is necessary of course.