To think you do have to do more than read with your child?

[areyousurre]

I’ve read a lot on here and other resources that all you should do with primary aged children is read to them / with them, and I suppose I’m questioning that a bit.

I’ve always read widely with my children but I’m not sure it’s made any real discernible difference in terms of language development or progress academically. And I now feel guilty that I haven’t done more!

I’d be interested in hearing what people honestly think. I don’t mean I’m going to stop reading to them but I do think I should be maybe doing more.

To me, once children start school 'reading' means both you reading to them and them reading to you. Once they are proficient enough to read to themselves, this can replace them reading to you. In the early days of Reception, them reading to you can be hard work for some kids. For most, it will click at some point. For some, there may be benefit in practising phonics sounds outside of reading books. Once their reading picks up a little, you can usually practise the sounds within the reading books, rather than needing to do it separately.

We do other things with our kids, mainly some maths through games etc and discussing history/geography/science topics (a lot of this is focused on books). We chose to do small bits of more formal maths practise from 7ish to stretch DC1,.who was getting bored at school. DC2 chose to start this at the same time (when he was 4), as to him this was great fun!

Ah see this is interesting…My 5yo was the same, used to love books as a young child then once school started getting serious about phonics he pulled back. With hindsight this was his response to the huge challenge of learning to read. It was hard work!

I didn’t make it a battle but did carry on reading stories he liked at bedtime - moving on to slightly older books with better stories. And kept the phonics/early readers to times of day he was less tired, getting excited about it with him, making it funny, showing I enjoyed it too rather than ‘come on we must do this now.’ Now he can read, books are interesting again and he looks forward to a new one.

You can also just read signs, packets, anything at all with them.

Chess is a good one, taught DS how to play and he enjoys it and gets him thinking ahead.
Rubiks cubes are good too, learning the algorithms helps with memory and spacial awareness - DS is obsessed and has several now, and I've got him some variations for his birthday.

Not all children will do more. I think reading is essential and talking to them.

DS is fairly bright but not top of the class etc.. he won't do extra school work. But does listen to podcasts about science and does a maths computer game. Also Im more focused on mental health and fitness so I prioritise getting out to the park above doing a maths worksheet. We're both successful career-wise and I see resilience, adaptability, reading quickly and people skills enabling ppl to do well.

Also be kind to yourself. Theres probably a reason you didnt do it. And maybe see if theres anything that can help now.

Thanks. Our libraries are pretty old and tired, not much inspiration there and I always forget to take them back!

I actually really enjoy buying and reading books, it’s just not really something ds seems all that into. I guess I’m wondering if it’s a bit like when my dad used to speak in French to my brother and I hoping we’d pick it up but we didn’t - if someone’s not really engaged then anything you do teach them goes over their head a bit.

Don’t get me wrong; he’s lovely, he’s fine - but notably ahead he’s not. Which is fine, but if everything you read is to believed, he would be.

Reading is great as a tool for conversation and developing imagination. The best thing you can do, apart from read, is play - fostering creativity through making up imaginary worlds or problem solving through building with LEGO. I would say also, rather than focusing too much on the very boring books they get from school, encourage them to apply their knowledge without thinking about it - eg what’s the number on that bus? What’s the word written on that red sign? If I need 2 tsps of this and 1 of that, how many tsps will there be? When my kids recognised the value of the learning they were doing at school in the outside world to give them greater understanding and autonomy, it really fuelled their curiosity.

Of course you have to do more than just red with them. That’s a bare minimum baseline. You have to talk to them, take them places and do things with them. Give them experiences and friends. The kids who sit home on tablets, no friends and never go anywhere are the ones who are hardest to teach because they lack curiosity, enthusiasm and communication skills.

We only read. No homework. I have one who is in a top uni and another acing classes. The other is little but working a year ahead. Why do you think you have to do more?

This was my philosophy and dc are now doing well in the best state selective grammar in our area. So yes reading is not enough, wider enrichment important. I made eldest do his homework but ds2 I didn't bother as he was so resistant and it was easy stuff. I did tutor in y5 for grammar. So they were always at greater depth in maths.

We've read to ours since birth and have read every night with them ever since. Both strong readers from the start. Eldest is ND but could read at preschool, youngest couldn't read when starting school but is now year 1 and highest bookband in his class. We definitely don't do everything right but I'm proud we've given them that foundation and I agree it is so important and the proof has been in the pudding for us.

Iam confused what your question is is ?
what is your goal you are trying achieve?

if you want to tiger mum your kid to Oxford then yes you need to do more

if you want happy literate kids then reading bedtime stories is fine

I do the bare minimum homework ( just about) and only occasional bedtime story but he is making progress I “ should” be doing more to help him reach his potential but time and my energy is v low

What else would you do with them? Give them sums/general knowledge questions? My child spends 5 days a week at school sitting at a desk learning, she needs after school time & weekends to blow off steam, play, and just be a kid. Extra learning can happen in much more natural & less formal ways like going to museums, walking in nature, and having conversations

To pick up on your point about DC being "distinctly average".
When DD was in reception we were told she was just below average. She has an Oxbridge degree.
We always read a lot to her. She was quire slow to read independently. . Very resistant to any other homework.
Your DC has a long way to go in his education.

People stop reading to thier children too young. I work on a secondary and they are trying to encourage families in year 7 to read together.

Im not sure the reading to a child will specifically improve thier reading without other bits. It generally gives them a bigger vocabulary and this improves thier writing. But you do the questioning and talking around the book too.

I've been a primary school teacher for 30+ years and have taught most year groups from Reception to Year 5.

The 2 most important things that parents can do with their children, from the time that they are babies, are to talk to them and to read with them.

Everything else is a bonus. Helping with spellings and developing fluency with number facts (number bonds, doubles and halves, times tables etc) is very useful but nowhere near as important as talking and reading.

Worksheets and workbooks are fine to pass the time if children enjoy them but unnecessary and I wouldn't push unwilling children to do them.

It's a shame that some parents stop reading to children once their children develop a degree of fluency themselves. I think it's good to keep reading to children (as well as hearing them read to you) until they ask you to stop.

Reading and checking understanding
Times tables
Puzzles and quizzes
Museums and experiences
Treasure hunts
Helping with the shopping, finding things, reading labels, working out best offer etc
Cooking and baking - following recipe, weighing out, understanding cooking times
Making sure by high school age they can iron, use washing machine, make own packed lunch and simple things like sewing on a button
Teaching them about the value of money starting young and carrying on as age appropriate

I think reading represents taking the time to really engage with your child, and it leads to other things. Talking about the story is reasoning, talking about how the characters feel is empathy.

I've got a reader and a non reader.
I read to them both. House full of books. Regular library visits.

Both doing well in secondary school. My non reader's English teacher commented on how dc must read a lot st home because of their vocabulary. Dc and I burst out laughing, because reading has always been a bone of contention. But we've always talked and discussed and argued, and I've treated vocabulary a bit like a second language- using almost translating as I go. We've always day round the table to eat every night too, even if that means having tea at 7 or 8.

I would say my reader has a much wider knowledge than the non reader, but in terms of gcses, that's not really relevant. The non reader may even end up doing better as they work harder.

Reading to your DCs doesn’t mean they’ll be ahead though. Ability, interest, curiosity all come into it as well. But reading will help your DC to be where he should be for his level, not in comparison to other kids. If you don’t read to him, he may be behind where he should be at his own level.

Great advice on here. If he's losing interest in the books maybe take a break from a story and look at encyclopedias etc. My 4yo has a few on animals, space, dinosaurs. He will pick a few pages and we will read about where they live, what they eat ect.

Maybe tailor the books to a hobby

I don't believe in kids being at school all day and coming home to do more school. We read at bedtime every night. Buy otherwise our free time is spent doing hobbies, visiting family and resting. I don't value academic success over everything else.

I'd rather DS be a good, well rounded, emotionally balanced man with average grades and a job he likes.

I was n academically gifted child, but there is so much more to life

Read to them at night and they read to us. Practiced their spellings usually in the car on the school run, same with their timetables. That's about it

Yep this!

I'd rather play a boardgame or read a non fiction book then have a battle over doing a worksheet!

Just out of curiosity but why do you say math instead of maths? Is that what people call it these days?

If you want to do more my friend has this fantastic account for English and Maths based learning games for 6-11 year olds (experienced teacher and deputy head of 15 years). There is a website for downloadable resources too, mainly for teachers but she has tons of games on her Instagram account that don't need any special equipment and are easily creatable at home.

https://www.instagram.com/playfullearninggames?igsh=enpzNzgzOHNlaHpo

X