Gentle parenting?

[Parentingconfusing]

I don’t even know whether this is gentle parenting. So ignore that phrase if it’s not.

But basically I am getting super confused. I have a preschooler and I would say about 75% of the parents around me have and do continue to parent like the parent in this Instagram video.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTosvyLgma4

Now don’t get me wrong this instaguy is obviously really thoughful. He seems really kind. He’s doing his best so I am not meaning a judgement directly on him - who am I to judge anyway! But this is a perfect example of the type of parenting I see around me all the time. Which is useful as it’s difficult to describe.

And I just dont know. This is supposed to be making great well adjusted adults. But in honesty all I am seeing is parents having near heart attacks all the time in anxiety and panic whilst pretending to be super chill about it - but you can hear in their voice they really aren’t. Their children running off round corners and nearly running into roads - I did actually see one fall into a road last week after running round the corner not waiting or listening.

Constant negotiations and centering and walking on eggshells either because they are or it’s an expectation that they are on the verge of a meltdown - in a very mundane and normal situation.

So this post isn’t really about this insta video. It’s about the ethos it embodies. Which on the surface looks lovely and as a one off that’s potentially a really nice bonding resolution moment - but in reality that’s probably 10 times a day of conflict - (yes an assumption because I barely see these kids and everyone I know who does this parenting is having this atleast once on the school run or 3-4 times in a play date). And not to make it about this insta guy - but if you look on his timeline you literally have one filmed an hour later where he’s walking on eggshells trying to get this kid in a car. It’s not a one off. This is all the time!

And maybe that’s the point - I see this video or these instances occurring in RL and I see that as a conflict. Yet they are purposefully framing this as not a conflict - it’s character building, boundary bending, emotional regulation learning.

I don’t know. I am confused. 🫤

I am certainly no perfect parent. Far from it. But I am not walking on eggshells every two minutes and ‘being calm and trusting’ watching my kid run off and into roads 50m away or trying to convince them to get into a car.

Wiser people who have good well adjusted kids older than 30… What parenting should we really be aiming for?! This ‘gentle parenting’ stuff is crazy isn’t it?

It was a thing you read, people saying parents these days just want to be friends with their kids. Totally a thing in the 90s.

Parents who pontificate maybe. Normal parents no. We didn’t think like this and still don’t. Never read anything about being best friends until fairly recently. I tend to think the parents are a bit needy!

In that scenario (for instance a child running off and not listening and the parent doing fuck all that is actually working) and my child asks what's happening or tried to copy, I say that different families do things differently, but in our family my job is to keep you safe and your job is to listen so you stay safe. And if you're finding it too hard I'll hold your hand to help you.

I would absolutely shout to stop a running child or grab them.

@Parentingconfusing I have to say, when bringing up dc, no parent we know negotiated anything. Most people had fairly straightforward views and wanted their children to be safe and cared for. They didn’t keep on negotiating and didn’t need to. We found dc had friendships with lovely dc. Had an encountered parents negotiating all the time, we would have found other dc to play with. Not every child is a suitable friend. Choose people like you. Then dc won’t be confused.