To turn down a job when the interviewer talked solidly at me for 1.5 hours

[PeacockPalace]

And wouldn’t let me get a word in edgeways? He is the company owner so I’d be working directly for him.

He literally talked at me for 90 minutes. If I tried to speak he just carried on talking. Even at the end where he asked me if I had any questions, I went to ask a question and he cut in, finished what he thought the question was going to be and carried on talking.

He offered me the job within an hour of finishing the interview but I couldn’t work for someone like that. I’d find it draining and probably never get listened to.

He then emailed me to ask why I’d turned it down and I said I don’t feel that the fit is there for me. So he then emailed me again asking me to elaborate and why isn’t the fit right. I didn’t reply and he’s messaged me another two times in two days asking the same.

AIBU for turning down the job? WIBU to just ignore his emails from now on, as I don’t think he’s the type of person that would value my feedback anyway?

I’ve seen he’s still advertising the job on Indeed so others must have felt the same.

You may be right that he wouldn't value your feedback, but I'm a great believer in providing it, because at least you offered the person the chance to think, even if he doesn't take you up on it.
And, really, if you got rejected, wouldn't you love a hint why?
Maybe you could say something nice like: I know you were very enthusiastic, but with the way it became so hard to say something, I was feeling that it might not be a place where I'd have a genuine voice, where my contributions would be valued.

This!

Why not? At the very least, it will stop any further emails from him.

Tell him exactly why you didn't take the job. Then if he keeps on emailing you, ignore him.

Lucky Escape springs to mind….

It's weirder that he's contacting you so much afterwards. Who does that? Everyone on both sides is usually on their best behaviour during job interviews, so imagine how shit it would be 3 months down the line.

I once went for a job interview where 3 different people trotted in one after another to interview me and they all wittered on for 40 minutes each about exactly the same shit before asking me a single thing and it put me right off.

I stupidly accepted a different job where I'd had a bad vibe from the manager and she turned out to be a bloody psychopath. Lesson learned!

This is exactly the response I’d expect from someone like this.

I’d be very wary of engaging. He has your contact details and may continue to harass you.

This.

Taking over an interview and talking about yourself for one and a half hours is now nerves, and to add the stalking behaviour chasing her to explain why she turned down the job demonstrates a high chance of unawareness which irrespective of if it's his fault or not a sign of a bad controlling manager.

OP is right to decline, unless she is very desperate and has no other options.

He was probably nervous and/ or has ADHD. I think you should tell him - in a kind way - that you felt he talked at you.

No, no, no. This is not a case for being kind. This is an example of how kindness can and almost certainly will be misinterpreted, which may have negative consequences for OP. People like this react very badly to being told they did something ‘wrong’. Protect yourself OP.

I find the ‘be kind’ posts incredibly naive.

The interviewer is an adult with his own company. If he wants to learn about good interview practice he is very well able to do that for himself.

Recruiter here 👋🏼

I would respond (professionally, not with the sarcasm in some of the examples given), and just give him some honest feedback.

Briefly explain that he didn’t give you a chance to speak during the interview, so you didn’t feel listened to or heard. And maybe also point out that constantly messaging you asking why you’ve turned down the job after you’ve already given an answer, has made you even more uncomfortable.

You’re not going to work with him so there’s no harm in you giving him honest feedback. He may not take it onboard, but if he does, it may get him to adjust his interview style and communication for the next candidate.

And then block him to prevent any further messages from him.

Maybe he is neuro diverse? I was interviewed by someone similar, also business owner but was around 100 staff. I took the job and years later he is retired and I own the practice. You never know what will come out of anything.

Sometimes interviews are about you getting a feel for the people you’d be stuck working with and also the culture and environment. If it doesn’t fit for you then unless you’re desperate, consider it a bullet dodged.

Once went for an interview where the professor I’d be working with was an absolute arsehole. Literally looked me up and down as I walked into the room, kept checking the clock, tutting and sighing. Interrupted me, asked in a really frustrated manner for me to expand on what I’d just said or give another example. He was honestly a pig of a man and I was grateful not to have to work there.

I’d have turned it down too but I would have the decency to tell him why.

No, he is asking as he cannot countenance why she’d not want to work for him as he has zero self awareness, as evidenced by the “interview”. This is not a self conscious nervous rambler.

it’s not her job to fix him. If she does give the feedback there is no way he will take it in board I would suggest.

I would reply and tell him politely why.

He sounds like a million men that we’ve all had the misfortune to interact with. Especially small business owners. I worked briefly for one.

Everyone is permitted their own opinion & it never hurts to keep an open mind! No one is telling her what to do!

No one is suggesting she tries to fix him & all we can do is bring enlightenments of what we feel we would do... She did ask & no one is telling her what she should do, I was just saying that if it were me, I'd think of the bigger picture & try to gently inform him why I declined. In the hope he just might,,, change slightly, for future candidates - We don't know him so we can't judged & be black & white in our presumptions of this guy.

Well thank God you turned it down. Don’t reply to him you don’t owe him any explanation. When employers turn us down they don’t explain why so why should you explain. He sounds like he may have some narcissistic traits, these people have low levels of agreeableness, whatever you say to him he will probably email you again and tell you why your impression of the interview is wrong. He will probably want the last word. His behaviour sounds stalker-ish , it is inappropriate and unprofessional for him to keep emailing you. Block him and go grey rock.

Oh I’m quite comfortable in my presumptions about this bloke. It’s not her responsibility to train him. Why can’t his male peers tell him?

Interesting point. I wonder whether he would be pursuing a male job applicant who'd turned him down in quite the same way...

YWNBU to turn down the job but, when he asked you to elaborate, why didn't you?
These scenarios never improve because people aren't up front about things.
You just could've said: 'To be honest, I felt our meeting was more of a sales pitch than an interview, which isn't how I like to do business, so I thought best to decline the offer.'

Why shouldn't a female tell him this?