Heavy Drinking in Retirement

[BeanQuisine]

I'm of late middle age, retired with adequate funds, live alone and have very few responsibilities. But I have problems with anxiety and sorrow, which tend to be getting worse with age.

Trying to enjoy my last years creatively, and making some progress on that front, but I must admit I'm finding the alcohol a very mixed blessing indeed.

When I do drink - which is not every day - I don't mess about. A drinking day & night usually means the equivalent of a full bottle of spirits (20-25 standard drinks) usually as wine and fortified wine, but often involving whisky, gin, beer and cider.

I drink alone and I love the mellow feeling. My aim on these designated days/nights is to push all worry and tears aside, and achieve a certain timeless contentment while enjoying reading and cosy web-surfing, either in my study at the computer, or at other times in an armchair in the living room with a collection of books.

Occasionally I'll sit at the harmonium and sing some of my own songs. Occasionally I'll watch old films or old telly on DVD or YouTube. Sometimes I'll go to the moon or Mars or outer limits of the universe.

But all the while, I'll be aware that this drinking is not doing me any good physically, however much it may seem to augment my enjoyment of life.

It's also making it increasingly difficult to engage the creative side of my life, as each binge on the booze takes a day or two of recovery before I can get back into creative projects. And my time on those endeavours shrinks as the next drinking splurge arrives.

And perhaps most disturbingly, the range of experiences I can "allow myself" to relax and do, without the relaxant of alcohol, also keeps shrinking. Reading fiction, watching films and similar activities, all now seem to require drinking to be enjoyed. When sober, I'm increasingly just playing solitaire and other simple repetitive activities, to keep the sorrows at bay.

I'm sure many other people have found themselves stuck in this relationship with the drink. Looking for some advice from those who've managed to sensibly cut down, or indeed give it up entirely, and what techniques and approaches they found helpful.

YABU - Just go with the flow, your life will see itself out comfortably enough.

YANBU - Get a grip on the booze, you still have much to offer yourself and the world.

I think boozing like that seems to dominate your week - the act and the recovery. No significant time for anything else. I also think when not drinking becomes boring it’s a slippery slope. I’d try and swerve it and try something else actually more life affirming. Joining a choir if you like singing? Becoming a keen cinematic goer? Being hungover is hard work.

I believe you need to find more social aspects in life to allow yourself to express emotion. Try to find a book club or other activities that type. Search to make more friends. Drinking here and there is okay but in the amounts you are seems risky.

Give up the booze and find different ways to spend your time. Booze will have a detrimental effect on your mental and physical health and will make it worse over time. If you find it hard to give up, please get some support.

You know this, so try seeing this as advice you would give to a friend. Best of luck and go and enjoy a new you.

I think there are several indicators that your drinking is a problem:
you do no it despite knowing it has negative health impacts
You are not enjoying things you used to without drinking
You aren't doing what you planned on days you're recovering - so the drinking is dictating your life somewhat
You could be playing with fire regarding developing an addiction or dependence because you're aware of the pull it has on you
You're drinking a lot more during these sessions than what non-problem drinkers would consider 'normal' and probably would keep this habit hidden from others?

I can't advise on strategies for cutting down or stopping outside of my own experience which is being a former alcoholic in recovery and therefore completely alcohol free. I knew that I needed to stop forever when I did and life is infinitely better since.

Fast track to an early death.

Knock it on the head.

How often is this OP?

Take up exercise which prevents you drinking, involves you meeting people and is good for your mental and physical health eg swimming in the evening. You’ll feel much better and hopefully less aware of your anxiety and sorrow.

It used to be three or four days followed by about ten days off the drink, but is now becoming about three days a week.

Please contact AA.
They can help you.
They have helped many creative people like you.
You have a lot to give yet. Good luck.

Couldn’t you replace it with something else? Just stopping probably won’t work. You’ll need a substitute. It’s a pity you like alcohol so much. I would never do what you do, not because I’m strong, but because I just don’t get much out of booze. I think alcohol is the single most overrated thing in the world. I have never understood why people like it so much. I get hardly any buzz off it, and the hangovers are horrendous. The price you pay vastly outweighs the pleasure.

If it's 3 days a week you must cut down, you really must.

Go to therapy to deal with your sorrow and whatever problems you're trying to drown.

Go to AA.

Go and see the doctor as it sounds like you have depression and you need to treat it with something other than alcohol.

Lots of women alcoholics are binge drinkers,I was one of them.I have been sober 23 years.But your drinking sounds a lot like mine and it will get worse over time,not better.You are damaging your body with that amount of alcohol.

Normal drinkers don’t behave like you do when they are drinking!

I suggest you get on a Zoom AA meeting,see if you identify with any of the speakers.There are literally thousands of meetings 24/7.There is an excellent one out of London every evening at 9.30pm,usually has about 100 people at it.You can also call the AA helpline and speak to someone in recovery.

Hi OP, it’s not uncommon to start drinking heavily in retirement. The frequency and quantities you’re drinking indicate that you’re depending upon it and that the dependency is increasing.

I’ve been in recovery in AA for 18 years and it saved my life. You’ve nothing to lose by turning up at a meeting. If you can’t relate and feel it’s not for you - nobody will force you to speak or to go back. You might find that others will understand exactly where you are.

This.

You must know that you’re depressed? Having said that, if you’re not taking on board 60 units of depressant fluid every week, you may eventually find you are less depressed. But since that’s not going to happen straight away, please see the doctor.

Bullshit is this real! Can't be just me, is it?

You need to cut down. Use the money for counselling to work through the things you're trying to numb out.
Look after yourself OP.

Are you a bit bored @BeanQuisine because it reads more like someone who is just a bit bored with their life, a little too much time on their hands and maybe not enough stimulating company rather than someone who fundamentally has an alcohol problem. You have certainly developed a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol which you have recognised and know needs sorting out. There will be a lot of people out there in this same situation- first step is recognising it’s becoming a problem (which you have) and next step is seeking some help.

If you are usually drinking wine, why do you need to tally up the amount as spirits? Why not just say you have X bottles of wine?

Do you feel a bit lonely op? I don’t mean to make it sound like a failing but perhaps the alcohol is masking that a bit.

Social connections are so important

Is it the harmonium?

Who knows if anything is real anymore or if it even matters.

I'm 57 retired for 2 years and went of a pint this afternoon... We were talking about a mate who is in the pub, alone at 10 am...it's simply not good. I like a drink, in fact I love a drink but there are limits. You need to reign it in. Spirits are a slippery slope and you need to fill your time another way. If not you have 5 years life left max... I've seen it too often sadly

That's a hell of a lot of words to try and romanticise the fact that you're an alcoholic in the process of drinking yourself to death.

See your GP and engage with Drugs and Alcohol Services in your area.