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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Heavy Drinking in Retirement

79 replies

BeanQuisine · 30/01/2026 19:40

I'm of late middle age, retired with adequate funds, live alone and have very few responsibilities. But I have problems with anxiety and sorrow, which tend to be getting worse with age.

Trying to enjoy my last years creatively, and making some progress on that front, but I must admit I'm finding the alcohol a very mixed blessing indeed.

When I do drink - which is not every day - I don't mess about. A drinking day & night usually means the equivalent of a full bottle of spirits (20-25 standard drinks) usually as wine and fortified wine, but often involving whisky, gin, beer and cider.

I drink alone and I love the mellow feeling. My aim on these designated days/nights is to push all worry and tears aside, and achieve a certain timeless contentment while enjoying reading and cosy web-surfing, either in my study at the computer, or at other times in an armchair in the living room with a collection of books.

Occasionally I'll sit at the harmonium and sing some of my own songs. Occasionally I'll watch old films or old telly on DVD or YouTube. Sometimes I'll go to the moon or Mars or outer limits of the universe.

But all the while, I'll be aware that this drinking is not doing me any good physically, however much it may seem to augment my enjoyment of life.

It's also making it increasingly difficult to engage the creative side of my life, as each binge on the booze takes a day or two of recovery before I can get back into creative projects. And my time on those endeavours shrinks as the next drinking splurge arrives.

And perhaps most disturbingly, the range of experiences I can "allow myself" to relax and do, without the relaxant of alcohol, also keeps shrinking. Reading fiction, watching films and similar activities, all now seem to require drinking to be enjoyed. When sober, I'm increasingly just playing solitaire and other simple repetitive activities, to keep the sorrows at bay.

I'm sure many other people have found themselves stuck in this relationship with the drink. Looking for some advice from those who've managed to sensibly cut down, or indeed give it up entirely, and what techniques and approaches they found helpful.

YABU - Just go with the flow, your life will see itself out comfortably enough.

YANBU - Get a grip on the booze, you still have much to offer yourself and the world.

OP posts:
Fodencat · 31/01/2026 15:42

Rumpledandcrumpled · 31/01/2026 14:33

I genuinely think I would be hospitalised with alcohol poisoning if I did 4 bottles of wine or a bottle of spirits. I think many people would. You’d have to have a very high tolerance indeed. Most people would pass out before the got to the fourth.

and I drink, I’ve been known to do two over the course of a very long day and evening out, but it’s hugely rare and not done for years ie when in my twenties or thirties

op if you’re sitting at home alone drinking up to four bottles of wine or a bottle of spirits in a day and doing it three days a week, you need to seek help.

100 per cent. It must get to the point where it’s no longer fun plus you’re at serious risk of doing damage to yourself or worse. I’m saying that as a drinker myself

MustardGlass · 31/01/2026 15:55

That much alcohol is very bad for your health. Almost every age related disease is made worse by alcohol.

bloominoreilly · 31/01/2026 16:10

I think you could give not drinking a try - how about trying a 3-month break, on the basis of 3 months not being a huge length of time in the grand scheme of a lifespan, but enough time to experience some real changes and effects of giving your body a break from the booze. I decided to give up just over a year ago & knew willpower wouldn't be enough so read Alcohol Explained by William Porter and a couple of other 'quit lit' books, and listened avidly to two or three 'sober' podcasts - that did the trick! I knew I wouldn't like to go to AA or similar - I didn't have a massive problem with drinking and it just didn't feel suitable. There are loads of resources out there that can support a break or reduction in drinking, or giving up totally - the Alcohol Support threads on here are great. In the first few weeks and months of me not drinking I noticed several fantastic changes inc my hair shedding less and being in better condition, I lost a few lbs in weight without trying, I felt so much better in myself not being yoked to the habit of drinking, which is how I'd been experiencing it myself. It sounds like you have lots of interests to get stuck into more if you free up your time - give it a try, you've nothing to lose

StrawberryJamAndRaspberryPie · 31/01/2026 16:37

bloominoreilly · 31/01/2026 16:10

I think you could give not drinking a try - how about trying a 3-month break, on the basis of 3 months not being a huge length of time in the grand scheme of a lifespan, but enough time to experience some real changes and effects of giving your body a break from the booze. I decided to give up just over a year ago & knew willpower wouldn't be enough so read Alcohol Explained by William Porter and a couple of other 'quit lit' books, and listened avidly to two or three 'sober' podcasts - that did the trick! I knew I wouldn't like to go to AA or similar - I didn't have a massive problem with drinking and it just didn't feel suitable. There are loads of resources out there that can support a break or reduction in drinking, or giving up totally - the Alcohol Support threads on here are great. In the first few weeks and months of me not drinking I noticed several fantastic changes inc my hair shedding less and being in better condition, I lost a few lbs in weight without trying, I felt so much better in myself not being yoked to the habit of drinking, which is how I'd been experiencing it myself. It sounds like you have lots of interests to get stuck into more if you free up your time - give it a try, you've nothing to lose

I’m in AA and can say that OP’s drinking problem is much worse than at least a third of the members… it’s for all kinds of problem drinkers from female binge drinkers (very common in AA) to homeless drug and alcohol addicts.

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