Heavy Drinking in Retirement

[BeanQuisine]

I'm of late middle age, retired with adequate funds, live alone and have very few responsibilities. But I have problems with anxiety and sorrow, which tend to be getting worse with age.

Trying to enjoy my last years creatively, and making some progress on that front, but I must admit I'm finding the alcohol a very mixed blessing indeed.

When I do drink - which is not every day - I don't mess about. A drinking day & night usually means the equivalent of a full bottle of spirits (20-25 standard drinks) usually as wine and fortified wine, but often involving whisky, gin, beer and cider.

I drink alone and I love the mellow feeling. My aim on these designated days/nights is to push all worry and tears aside, and achieve a certain timeless contentment while enjoying reading and cosy web-surfing, either in my study at the computer, or at other times in an armchair in the living room with a collection of books.

Occasionally I'll sit at the harmonium and sing some of my own songs. Occasionally I'll watch old films or old telly on DVD or YouTube. Sometimes I'll go to the moon or Mars or outer limits of the universe.

But all the while, I'll be aware that this drinking is not doing me any good physically, however much it may seem to augment my enjoyment of life.

It's also making it increasingly difficult to engage the creative side of my life, as each binge on the booze takes a day or two of recovery before I can get back into creative projects. And my time on those endeavours shrinks as the next drinking splurge arrives.

And perhaps most disturbingly, the range of experiences I can "allow myself" to relax and do, without the relaxant of alcohol, also keeps shrinking. Reading fiction, watching films and similar activities, all now seem to require drinking to be enjoyed. When sober, I'm increasingly just playing solitaire and other simple repetitive activities, to keep the sorrows at bay.

I'm sure many other people have found themselves stuck in this relationship with the drink. Looking for some advice from those who've managed to sensibly cut down, or indeed give it up entirely, and what techniques and approaches they found helpful.

YABU - Just go with the flow, your life will see itself out comfortably enough.

YANBU - Get a grip on the booze, you still have much to offer yourself and the world.

Head to AA! You’ve just described the descent into alcoholism :)

I'm half Native American and I get completely shit faced on 1 drink. Turns out some of us produce less of the particular enzyme that slows the metabolizing of alcohol so it gets into our systems faster and apparently in a 'stronger' concentration.

ETA; this is why I only drink very rarely, and then only a small amount. It's simply not 'fun' to go from sober to shitfaced in the space of 1 drink.

Plus now that my DH is a severe alcoholic, it's 'ruined' drinking for me even if I wanted to drink. I've heard that from other family members of alcoholics too

Have you considered switching to weed?

It's legal where I live. But I wouldn't recommend it for OP if it's not legal where she is.

Drinking the equivalent of a full bottle of spirits is way too much

I don’t leave the house so it would be very easy for me to tip into a dependency on alcohol as life is so shit. I have to be really careful. I’m doing dry January for example. I do not allow myself any alcohol before 8pm on a drinking day. No spirits.

Just because you don't drink every day, doesn't mean you're not an alcoholic.

You cannot handle alcohol, it is impinging on the good parts of your life. Pour every drop of alcohol in you house down the drain, and call Alcoholics Anonymous.

Cutting down won't cut it.

Occasionally I'll sit at the harmonium and sing some of my own songs.

yeah yeah you had me until here , good one .

Go with the flow and you'll drink yourself to death. Either from alcohol poisoning or because you prefer being drunk to sober, and will gradually stop ever denying yourself. Have you considered anti depressants?

I don’t understand why you find that unbelievable. Pissed up people singing is fairly standard.

op, are you ok, was yesterday when you posted this one of your drinking days?

I'm OK thanks. I was drinking yesterday but today is a recovery day. There's no more booze in the house and I won't be getting any more, see how I go with a dry month or two.

The harmonium is nothing special, just a small reed organ, a gift from a friend in India, where these instruments are very common.

While I'm also not convinced that this isn't a creative writing exercise, for the sake of anyone who is a very heavy drinker wanting to stop--

Please contact your GP or your local drugs and alcohol service for formal assessment and advice to help you cut down. Alcohol withdrawal is dangerous and you cannot safely cold-turkey from very heavy drinking.

When you describe how you feel while drinking it sounds blissful for you - mellow and contented. But please get some outside support to deal with your drinking and emotions. If you continue drinking like this, especially if it keeps increasing, you won't just float contentedly through to the end of your life - the mental and physical effects of alcohol will ruin that for you.

Definitely seek support on the alcohol board. And maybe look into counselling or therapy to support with your grief and anxiety. You're obviously a creative person so might find a therapy that taps into that useful - a practitioner who uses storytelling, art or music, or something in nature like a Walk and Talk approach.

it is dangerous as well op, as you live alone, you might have an accident, a fire, and be unable to get help, you might vomit

would be much more creatively enhancing that alcohol and no hangover!

I don’t understand how you can read while drunk, makes me feel nauseous 🤢

Op I asked earlier, do you get out and socialise much , are you lonely? Because if that’s the root cause then it’s fixable.

You’re either already an alcoholic or fast becoming one as you’re using booze to change the way you feel about yourself. This is a classic situation especially for retirees who previously used work as their be all and end all.

It will only get much worse and likely lead to an early death!!

I think you need to attend a few AA sessions to see if any of what you hear from the others resonates with you.

They will also help you to work out how to re-set your life and start this new chapter with a healthier mental attitude.

Good luck! 🤞

I won't say get a grip because that's not helpful to your situation but a good friend of mine now lives in a care home for people with alcohol related brain damage and his lifestyle after retirement started off like yours. You're on a slippery slope and you need professional help and I really hope you get it.

You sound depressed. It’s the mindless scrolling while sad and sober that’s the red flag. 🚩

get some help

It's been legal in the UK since 2018 on prescription through private curaleaf clinics and suchlike. These are pretty much available to anyone that can afford it.

I agree, switch to weed (there are many ways to ingest) and join a choir. When I took up pot again in my 50s, it helped me appreciate again all the things that alcohol had dulled, like music. It's still a crutch of course, but one that doesn't really cause me any problems

I’m just trying to imagine how horrific I’d feel after drinking a bottle of spirit. I think I’d need my stomach pumped and that’s if I ever woke up. Utterly debilitating.

I think the op said he or she drinks to the equivalent of a bottle of spirits. But that would be about 4 bottles of wine. If that’s ghe case, then the op is an alcoholic and I can see why they didn’t wish to write that but coached it in the terms they did.

Or 4 bottles of wine then.

I genuinely think I would be hospitalised with alcohol poisoning if I did 4 bottles of wine or a bottle of spirits. I think many people would. You’d have to have a very high tolerance indeed. Most people would pass out before the got to the fourth.

and I drink, I’ve been known to do two over the course of a very long day and evening out, but it’s hugely rare and not done for years ie when in my twenties or thirties

op if you’re sitting at home alone drinking up to four bottles of wine or a bottle of spirits in a day and doing it three days a week, you need to seek help.

@BeanQuisine

I'm OK thanks. I was drinking yesterday but today is a recovery day. There's no more booze in the house and I won't be getting any more, see how I go with a dry month or two.

The thing is, there should be no need for a 'recovery day' if one isn't drinking too much on a 'drinking day'. In fact there really wouldn't be 'drinking days' per se.

I encourage you to seek support through AA or another program to help you with your 'dry month(s)'. But realize that if one has a serious drinking problem they need to stop drinking altogether.