Bitchy e-mail re fertility rates for older women

[Jude03]

AIBU to feel upset after receiving an e-mail from a friend - who thought it would be "helpful" to send some data on declining fertility rates for women... for me to give my 40 year old daughter ?! This, from a woman who herself has two similarly aged sons, neither of whom have ever had a girlfriend and still live at home. My DD has been in long-term relationship and for all I know, does not want to have children - but in any event surely this is none of my business.

Such a thoughtless and cruel thing to do. How does she know your daughter isn't trying to have children but struggling to do so?

Yup, my sons (I was 41 and 43) perfectly strong happy etc but MN generally love poking a stick at older mums so I’m waiting for the tide to turn on this thread too

Not necessarily.

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/savvy-auntie/201201/my-secret-grief-over-35-single-and-childless

Yes! Do this! 😂😂😂😂

I don't think she took the right approach but researchers such as Stephen J Shaw are encouraging people to spread the word as not to leave it late.

The figures are worrying:

https://www.brusselstimes.com/1420823/up-to-40-of-women-without-children-by-age-of-30-never-have-them-at-all

”Thanks friend. Funnily enough my daughter has been collating articles for you about vaginal atrophy and incontinence as she thought you ought to know the likelihood of this happening to women of your age as she assumed you wouldn’t be aware. Lots of love @Jude03“.

Been thinking about this thread all afternoon - why on earth would anyone think that the condition of their friend's daughter's fanny bits would be their business??

Afraid the waning fertility e-mail was just the tip of an ever expanding iceberg over the past few years. I've known this woman since meeting her at the ante-natal class we attended in the late 1980s - hence the reference to her adult sons who are a similar age to my daughter. We only kept in touch via Christmas cards each year but she suddenly started bombarding me with e-mails out of the blue in 2020.... to the point where I had to ask her to lessen the frequency of her messages which were becoming a drain on my time and energy. Bottom line: my own fault for engaging with an 'energy vampire' ! I should have been firmer in setting boundaries, but being a stupid 'people pleaser; I continued to reply to each message. Not any longer - afraid I sent a reply along the lines of "Re-arrange the following words into a well-known phrase or saying: Off F*ck".

But OMG, did I feel guilty doing this, even though the fertility issue was just one of many other insensitive topics which this woman would bang on about. Grrr. End of rant!

I was going to say this too

I’d be fucking raging tbh. Who the hell does she think she is, earnestly sending you information that you haven’t asked for, about an adult who isn’t you or your “friend”? Stupid interfering cow.

Just say why have you sent me this, you are much older than 40. Are you trying for another? Say maybe once your elder two are independent and fully grown then they might have grand kids.

Well done OP, you've offloaded a clearly batshit energy vampire. Absolutely no loss by the sound of it!

Well done for ending the "friendship", what a rude cow. I certainly would have. I did end one when the woman started "helpfully" sending me numerous popular science/women's magazine articles/quack remedies about autism after my DS was diagnosed, when I am literally a professional in that field and she had no qualifications of any kind. I didn't even tell her to butt out, just cut her off.

Please do this

Excellent! I am afraid I am fed up of reading posts by doormats who ‘hate confrontation’. Good for you 👏

How presumptuous and tone deaf.

I agree. Simple one liner

Try not to feel guilty.

People like this keep pushing boundaries because they’ve been allowed to get away with it.

There’s always a catalyst to make us stop them in their tracks in the end.

Cheeky bitch!

While she's still got two mummy's boys living at home 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

You sound a lovely person, and I bet your daughter thinks so too. Ignore your idiotic friend.

Dear Sally,

This is a highly inappropriate email to receive from you. I expect an apology.

Regards,
Jude03

This in shedloads ^

Sometimes people I know ask me why my offspring haven’t had kids. I respond with “I don’t know why and I never ask cos it’s none of my business”

They get the message and shut up then.

Well thank you for letting me know that wasn't about me, but if you look at what I was replying to, there was no 'if' mentioned.

The sender of this unsolicited email is definitely being unreasonable. Beyond that in fact, it is not only none of her business but for all she knows your daughter could be unable to have children or have suffered multiple losses.

I guess it depends on the nature of your relationship whether you point out to her that this is inappropriate.

When I was going through round after round of IVF I would have appreciated it if any of the individuals making unhelpful remarks would have received counsel to maybe think first from someone in a less vulnerable place.

Sounds like she may be projecting insecurities she has about her sons (if they’ve never had a relationship) onto your daughter.