Bitchy e-mail re fertility rates for older women

[Jude03]

AIBU to feel upset after receiving an e-mail from a friend - who thought it would be "helpful" to send some data on declining fertility rates for women... for me to give my 40 year old daughter ?! This, from a woman who herself has two similarly aged sons, neither of whom have ever had a girlfriend and still live at home. My DD has been in long-term relationship and for all I know, does not want to have children - but in any event surely this is none of my business.

Send her details of Erectile Dysfunction for her to pass on to her sons...

This 👆

What a cheeky cow! Is she a friend or more of a frenemy?

I don’t understand why some people seem to think that women don’t already know this?! You’d have to be living under a rock as a youngish women theses days not to be aware that your fertility falls as you age and really really falls after 40. It’s not new helpful important information to share, it’s like saying to a smoker “OMG I’ve just found out that smoking can give you lung cancer”.

"Hi Marjorie. Sorry, I'm not sure what you mean? Did you want to discuss fertility with my DD? Because she's not a doctor, and you're 73, so its fair to say that horse has bolted, so I'm not sure how she could help you?"

I said you YABU for giving such a stupid email any headspace and for not telling your 'friend', to never ever poke her nose in your DD's private life again.

Wow, what a dick.

That's so rude, is she a bit thick?

Send her this article about ‘failure to launch’ since both her sons don’t seem to be independent adults

www.verywellmind.com/overcoming-failure-to-launch-syndrome-8405065

This!!

haha I'd go with this.

I'd print her off some leaflet on the crapness of male sperm after a certain age. Also maybe any data you can find regarding the overlap of psychopathy with unmarried males over 40 (make the stats up if you have to).

Whats the context though, out of the blue, completely random?

Or was it following a conversation where yo had mentioned your daughter or talked about her wanting or not wanting children yet or ever?

If the former, I would go with the response above to Marjorie.

If the latter, she is a bit clumsy about it but may have thought she was helping

That’s not a friend. That’s a jealous snake. Bin

I'd email her back @Jude03 and say 'DD has decided she doesn't want children because she doesn't want grown adult male children being dependent on her into retirement.'

Presumably there is some context to her sending the email ?

What's she like normally?

Without more context it's difficult to say if she was being bitchy or is just a bit of a nutter.

Do you generally enjoy her company? Or is she a PITA?

Well you're BU to be upset about it. Baffled, maybe. Astonished.

I wouldn't dignify it with a response, although I'd be tempted to use Sarah Millican's line: "My husband and I can't have children, because we hate them".

What a pathetic woman. I’m 41, well aware my fertility is declining / that ship has sailed. I wouldn’t need my mum to tell me this on behalf of her friend! What on earth was she thinking!?

She shouldn’t have sent it, but you don’t need to get upset about it. Just ignore, or tell her thanks, but you weren’t planning on getting pregnant again…

"My daughter's fertility is none of my business, and certainly none of yours."

A quick response along the lines of How dare you send me this should suffice. Sometimes, the simplest, bluntest response is all that’s needed.

this. I mean sending stuff like that to you for your daughter is weird beyond belief. My lovely late Mil had a friend who used to make pointed comments about when we would be having children,whenever we met, again a widow with one son, but that was 50 years ago and it wasn't common or acceptable then.

Yes, this.😀

This.