Neighbour just rung doorbell at 2.30am!

[greywolfie]

I'm now wide awake and fumming. She rung twice so I opened the front bedroom window as I worried it might be an emergency. Women stood there on her phone in tears and I thought - oh, she could need help.
My husband is on his way down to.open the door.
Then she says...."my cat is in your garden"
I mean - FFS!
I said "well your cat will get out of our garden"
"Really?"
"Yes. If your cat is still in our garden in the morning we will bring it back"
Shut window.
Husband then opened the door and she started telling him about the damn cat- I yelled at him to shut it.
He wanted to go out and get it but I said that was mad and would encourage the over protective cat mother to do it again in future.
For reference, we have 2 elderly cats that very rarely scale the fence. One night one got over very late and was struggling to make it back (we have stuff by our fence that would've also helped her bloody cat up, if he cared - but their side is just the bare fence). I was a bit worried but would NEVER have rung their bell in the middle of the night! About an hour later our old lady regained her energy and made it back.
AIBU to go round in the morning and point out you don't ring people's doorbells for this reason? It's batshit right?

What's interesting is that the backlash against 'be kind' is now extending to actual women, and not only trans women.

Women being told to 'be kind' our whole lives is extremely fucking tiresome to say the least.

This does not mean there is no role for kindness in the world. From men, or women. Right now, we need kindness. It's the small acts of humanity that make things happening here and in America feel slightly better.

Couldn't agree more. Starting with letting your neighbours sleep and not disturbing them unnecessarily at 2.30am.

Exactly.

Unless it's an emergency, I'm not going to 'be kind' in the middle of the night.

Being kind doesn't mean "let a distressed, possibly unstable person you barely know into your home in the middle of the night because they say their cat is behaving as a normal cat".

People don't have to be kind at the expense of their own safety. They're allowed to put boundaries in place to protect themselves without it being unkind.

Or that attempting to get a cat which isn't necessarily in the garden just because someone says it is would have solved the issue or be a quick, simple 5 minute job.

By the way, I can't help thinking: that poor cat 😾 having an owner like that. If she panics over it exploring a neighbouring garden at night, I dread to think how she expects it to behave indoors.

Really surprised by some of these responses. I thought mumsnetters didn't like opening their front doors at all, especially after dark!

Being kind includes not facilitating unreasonable behaviour. I'm truly sorry for people who suffer from an anxiety disorder but honestly, what if the OP had an anxiety disorder - bashing on the door at night could flip someone with fragile mental health over the edge. Whereas demanding help for forcing an unwilling outdoor cat home just seems supremely selfish. If OP had helped it would just confirm to the neighbour that is what she will do next time Felix fancies a midnight wander, which could be every bloody night.

If I hammered on a neighbour's door at 2am and 5am jabbering on about my roaming pussy I'd expect to get a punch on the nose, not the milk of human kindness.

It's all so contextual though isn't it?

Should we apply a blanket rule that we should ALWAYS let mentally unstable women into our homes at 2.30am? No. Being kind in that scenario would involve calling the police and letting them know there was someone behaving erratically on your street. That's how you're kind in that scenario.

There's nothing about the way the event was described that suggests that this particular woman was threatening, or a risk, or even that the OP herself was vulnerable in that moment. She wasn't scared. She was pissed off - not unreasonably.

Her husband offered to help and wasn't allowed. The 5.30am repeat could have been avoided if someone had helped at 2.30am. Clearly allowing someone to sit with their discomfort didn't work.

NOT helping just saw a repeat wake up at 5.30am and a day or more arguing the toss with people like me on Mumsnet.

It'd be quicker to catch a cat.

But there's nothing about this event that suggests the person wasn't a threat if let in either. The sensible thing to do is to not let people you don't know into your home, whether that means some randoms on MN think you're being unkind or not.

What if she appeared distressed but turned nasty if they couldn't find the cat? If there was indeed something causing the overreaction from the neighbour, there's a chance she could have become paranoid they were hiding her cat if he wasn't there after being let in.

You can be pissed off AND feel like it would be a mistake to let someone into your home.

Would it? That's if it was even there in the first place and again, if they were able to catch it immediately in the dark when it clearly didn't want to be caught.

A repeat wake up could've happened anyway or they might have had just as little sleep running around after someone else's cat all night.

There was a thread on here ages ago where a poster was wfh during the day, some random bloke knocked on asking to look in her garden for his dog, and she said no. It was just as entertaining as this one. I wish I could find it.

Being kind is not knocking someone’s door at 2.30am unless it’s an absolute emergency which a cat in the back garden is not! If the cat got itself into the garden I am pretty sure it could find its own way out!

If my neighbour done that I would make sure they knew that their behaviour was completely unacceptable and unreasonable and they were not to do it again.

There are numbers you can call for that
> 116 123
When you call us on 116 123, you will be put through to a volunteer at one of more than 200 branches and locations across the UK and Ireland.

https://www.samaritans.org/

You call a number to put your own safety aside?

If you ARE able to call a number then - you are safe enough - over reactin

Sorry, but if there's a crazy person in my house, because I was able to call a number so obviously let them in (why?), what is someone on the other end of the phone going to do? Listen to them lose their mind at me about the fact I can't find their cat? Hear them get violent?

I don't appreciate this. I've got broad shoulders but please don't make out like I've been crowing my skills from the rooftops as if I'm some kind of super hero.
I've not.
That is unfair, unjust and unkind.
I don't think I've engaged with you at all. Your previous opinions about me can stand no problem.
But THIS. This got right on my tits.

I’m with you all the way. It’s completely ridiculous and inconsiderate of her and I would absolutely have not got the cat for her. And everyone saying be kind, how about the neighbour be kind?!? It’s very unkind to knock someone’s door and wake them at 2.30am . I’m up throughout the night with my baby and get very little sleep as it is, so if someone woke me then I would feel that was un kind!!

This is Mumsnet and somebody actually responded to a doorbell?

Be kind was always about putting "actual women" fown and backlash was going on for years

Contrary goady fucker - best ignored.