Neighbour just rung doorbell at 2.30am!

[greywolfie]

I'm now wide awake and fumming. She rung twice so I opened the front bedroom window as I worried it might be an emergency. Women stood there on her phone in tears and I thought - oh, she could need help.
My husband is on his way down to.open the door.
Then she says...."my cat is in your garden"
I mean - FFS!
I said "well your cat will get out of our garden"
"Really?"
"Yes. If your cat is still in our garden in the morning we will bring it back"
Shut window.
Husband then opened the door and she started telling him about the damn cat- I yelled at him to shut it.
He wanted to go out and get it but I said that was mad and would encourage the over protective cat mother to do it again in future.
For reference, we have 2 elderly cats that very rarely scale the fence. One night one got over very late and was struggling to make it back (we have stuff by our fence that would've also helped her bloody cat up, if he cared - but their side is just the bare fence). I was a bit worried but would NEVER have rung their bell in the middle of the night! About an hour later our old lady regained her energy and made it back.
AIBU to go round in the morning and point out you don't ring people's doorbells for this reason? It's batshit right?

maybe it was an indoor cat that got out therefore an emergency as it could be lost, stollen or run over by the morning. I would be really annoyed (internally) too being woken 2am but if its a one off you should have just let DH go and get her cat.

If someone was crying and talking about their cat being in my garden, I’d think they were unhinged and dangerous and encourage my husband not to help. She didn’t physically stop her husband from helping. It’s not an emergency by any stretch of the imagination. Surely you can see that?

Look at it again. They are replying to a previous poster about their karma comment.

It's not different. There could easily be a woman sitting in her house right now typing an AIBU about the OP not helping. She might have woken up a sleep-deprived mum with PND or at 5am a nurse who works nights. If OP has to consider someone else's potential distress then so should cat-owner.

I didn’t say it was an emergency, nor did I say she physically stopped her husband helping. But female neighbour crying and in distress = yes, I would help, I wouldn’t be ‘fuming’ and I wouldn’t shout at my husband not to speak to her.

A female neighbour crying and in distress is one thing.

A female neighbour bleating that her cat
" doesn't understand gardens" at 2.30 in the morning is quite another.

But your point in previous posts seems to be that everyone should, not that you would.

Great! Good for you! But don’t judge someone for anxiously not wanting to help. The OP clearly felt the situation was nuts and she didn’t have to go out of her way to help, especially if she was anxious.

It isn't an indoor cat.

If it didn't want to be caught by its owner, how well do you think it would've gone for a stranger to attempt to catch it?

Exactly.

I'd be out like a shot in an actual emergency if a neighbour actually needed help.

This wasn't the case.

Who the hell wakes their neighbours at 2.30 for non emergency reasons no matter how hard they're crying? My cat went missing once, I was up all night crying my eyes out, worried that she wouldn't come back. I didn't think for a single second that gave me the right to wake my neighbours in the middle of the night because I was upset.

Yes, yes, I know, won't someone think of the distressed humans.

Of course it’s irrelevant because that’s not what happened. I never said neighbour shouldn’t consider OP’s distress/inconvenience etc.

If her cat was ill, needed to go to the emergency vet and she had no way of getting there I'd help but my cat is in your garden and doesn't understand gardens, erm no, go back to bed you lunatic and wait for the cat to come home.

That was at 5am. I’m talking about 2am only.

Yes, I would like to think so. I accept that it isn’t of course.

She didn’t say she was anxious in her OP. She said she was ‘fuming’.

I'm sorry but I voted yabu because I dont believe you.

Nowhere did I say the neighbour was reasonable (though when someone is very distressed in poor mental health, it’s never going to look ‘reasonable’), and nowhere would I advise them to. Those are two separate issues.

Oh, I do.

Some pet owners are incredibly entitled and neighbour sounds like one of them.

A quote from one of the ops follow up posts reads “I had a sudden 2am fear that it might be some kind of scam.”

Which is understandable isn’t it!

THIS!

Although sniggering childishly at “knock up” 😂

You've taken issue with other people speculating but now you have decided the neighbour must have poor mental health. Where did that come from? If the neighbour was not being reasonable why do you think OP should help? The OP is not responsible for helping another adult manage their emotions and it was an emotional issue because the cat was being a totally normal cat.

I'm acquainted with someone who expresses emotions quite dramatically and ropes everyone in to support them through their latest crisis but by their own admission they can't even remember what they were upset about 24 hours later. Dramatic emotional expression does not necessarily correlate to the intensity of the emotion experienced.

I sometimes wonder if people rush to "be kind" as a way of feeling important.

She swiftly knew it was a neighbour however.

Where does the OP indicate that she knows her neighbour on a personal level? All her observations of this neighbour are from her subsequent encounters this morning. You may know your neighbours but surely you can’t expect everyone to treat their neighbours the same? Those who they have limited contact with their neighbours are right to treat them with caution is they start doing bonkers things.

You've taken issue with other people speculating but now you have decided the neighbour must have poor mental health. Where did that come from?

Because OP said she thinks neighbour suffers with anxiety. That’s poor mental health.

If the neighbour was not being reasonable why do you think OP should help?

Being unreasonable because you set out to be deliberately rude and being unreasonable because you find yourself in distress are two different things.

The OP is not responsible for helping another adult manage their emotions

I didn’t say she was. But showing decency to a one off event is simply caring for another human being in distress. Rather than being fuming and shouting at her husband not to help.

I'm acquainted with someone who expresses emotions quite dramatically and ropes everyone in to support them through their latest crisis but by their own admission they can't even remember what they were upset about 24 hours later. Dramatic emotional expression does not necessarily correlate to the intensity of the emotion experienced.

Sounds like that’s happening on the regular. In which case I said helping once at first instance and then setting boundaries for subsequent was reasonable.

I sometimes wonder if people rush to "be kind" as a way of feeling important.

Oh, so we’re starting the other Mumsnet trope of being ‘performative’ now. I see. I sometimes wonder if Mumsnetters are stone-hearted zombies who all hate the world and everyone in it. Oh well. We move on.