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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour just rung doorbell at 2.30am!

581 replies

greywolfie · 29/01/2026 03:18

I'm now wide awake and fumming. She rung twice so I opened the front bedroom window as I worried it might be an emergency. Women stood there on her phone in tears and I thought - oh, she could need help.
My husband is on his way down to.open the door.
Then she says...."my cat is in your garden"
I mean - FFS!
I said "well your cat will get out of our garden"
"Really?"
"Yes. If your cat is still in our garden in the morning we will bring it back"
Shut window.
Husband then opened the door and she started telling him about the damn cat- I yelled at him to shut it.
He wanted to go out and get it but I said that was mad and would encourage the over protective cat mother to do it again in future.
For reference, we have 2 elderly cats that very rarely scale the fence. One night one got over very late and was struggling to make it back (we have stuff by our fence that would've also helped her bloody cat up, if he cared - but their side is just the bare fence). I was a bit worried but would NEVER have rung their bell in the middle of the night! About an hour later our old lady regained her energy and made it back.
AIBU to go round in the morning and point out you don't ring people's doorbells for this reason? It's batshit right?

OP posts:
wfhwfh · 29/01/2026 10:43

Didimum · 29/01/2026 09:23

The police wouldn’t care a jot about this.

Really? I’ve been lucky enough never to have had this happen to me but a friend did call the police when her neighbours (in a block of flats) had a party and she was woken by hammering in her door and they did come out.

I’d start silencing my doorbell overnight in that case. That way anyone can ring, but OP wont be woken

FlowerFairyDaisy · 29/01/2026 10:46

The neighbour's behaviour was far from rationale. Either that, or they are incredibly selfish and ignorant. I tend to err towards irrational and I feel it would been immediately obvious that this was the case. I would, therefore, have helped her out calmly.

As for the question the OP is asking - yes of course it's fine to speak to the neighbour and explain that she should not ring doorbells in the middle of the night unless it really is an emergency.

Tillow4ever · 29/01/2026 10:49

OP I think you handled it very well. I definitely think you are correct to go and speak to her about this - she clearly needs to learn about boundaries and what is/isn’t acceptable.

To those saying she should have just helped, I can only assume you are the sort of people who don’t have any sort of sleep issues. Not everyone falls asleep easily, and some once people struggle to fall back to sleep again. Or maybe the OP has a job that means her sleep is crucial for other people’s safety. I’m curious, those saying she should have helped and this was all ok, if OP had said she’s a surgeon and you found out she was due to be operating on you or a loved one that day, would you still have felt so strongly that she should have helped or would you think her being well rested is more important? Or what about if she was a bus/taxi/train driver or a pilot? And you were due to be getting into a vehicle that she was due to drive/pilot and you found she’d only had a few hours sleep after being woken up for a missing cat - are you still saying she should have helped? And if not, why not? Why does it change just because it could impact you?

I love cats. I have a cat, have had multiple cats in the past, grew up with cats etc. I’ve had cats go missing and have searched round neighbourhoods for my missing cats and for neighbours too. I have never once thought it acceptable to go and knock on a neighbours door in the middle of the night. The OP mentioned there’s an ally between them (the neighbour is behind her house) - so presumably it’s house - garden - alley - garden - house, could the neighbour even see for certain the cat was in the garden (given when they came back at 5am saying the cat was in the garden but it wasn’t I think it’s unlikely they knew it was there)? Why wasn’t this neighbour looking hours earlier for the cat? Because knocking at 9/10pm, whilst I wouldn’t do it myself, would have been a more acceptable time to ask for help.

I’m someone that struggles with sleep. I often don’t fall asleep until 1-2am, and then wake up roughly every hour needing the toilet. It can take me 20 mins to get back to sleep on a good night, on a bad night I can lie there for a couple of hours. My alarm is set for anytime between 6 and 7am depending on if I am WFH or driving to the office. If my neighbour woke me up for a healthy, adult, outdoor cat possibly being in my garden in the middle of the night I would be angry. I am constantly exhausted as it is - a wake up like that would scare me (I’d assume something had happened to my son at university or my parents and it was the police knocking) and even if she left immediately, I’d still struggle to fall back to sleep with my heart racing. If I got up to help her there’s no way I’d be getting back to sleep after, and with a number of chronic health conditions plus severe pain levels, I know this would make everything worse for me as I always struggle more if I haven’t had enough sleep. Why is it ok for someone to do that to me for a non-emergency situation? Why should I put my neighbours unreasonable anxiety over my own physical health and to choose my health would make me unkind?

I wonder, if someone had posted on here saying “my cat has been outside all evening and I’m getting worried. He is an outdoor cat, but it’s 2:30am and he hasn’t come in yet. I think I can see him in a nearby garden (the house behind me). Would I be unreasonable to go and ring their bell/knock on the door to ask them to get the cat out of the garden for me?” - I suspect they’d have been overwhelmingly told they would be unreasonable to go and do that. I think even posters telling the OP here that she should have helped would tell this person not to do it. I imagine they’d tell her that she needs to get help for her anxiety, and look at ways to keep her cat in her garden/get a cat flap/make it an indoor cat. I cannot imagine anyone telling her to go and knock on the neighbours door.

Sorry for the long reply!

countrygirl99 · 29/01/2026 10:56

If someone knocked on my door at 2.30am I would immediately panic that something dreadful had happened to one of my family or a neighbour / that my or a neighbour's house was on fire / Russia had invaded Finland etc. If it turned out to be a cat is in my garden my response would definitely not have been "kind" and knocker probably wouldn't dare approach me for months.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 29/01/2026 10:57

She's nuts. If I were her cat, I'd stay out until all hours, just to wind her up. Hasn't she heard of rattling a tin of Dreamies, ffs?

Christmasinmecar · 29/01/2026 10:57

ShetlandishMum · 29/01/2026 03:20

Or you could have been kind...

Kind can jog off in majority of cases, OP being woken up in the early hours of the morning for neighbours cat in the garden is one of them.
Fwiw, I'm an ardent animal lover.

purplemumster · 29/01/2026 10:58

On the one hand, yeah probably could have let her get the cat. I hear what people are saying about "what if it's ill" etc.

On the other we are frequently visited by a very bedraggled looking cat. I pulled up late one night after a very busy 13 hour shift to said cat vomiting on the doormat.

Few days later someone hammered on the door at 9pm (not as bad as 2am but had two toddlers asleep so felt it 😂) It was a neighbour brandishing a pic and asking if I'd seen her cat, said not for a few days but last seen puking on my doorstep and she very shirtily said "well he will do, he's got emphysema and anxiety!" and stalked back down the drive.

The cat continues to visit us and peer through the windows, sure I detect a glint of "don't you know what I'm going through" in his eyes...

Didn't know whether to laugh or cry 😂🤦‍♀️

CherryViper · 29/01/2026 10:59

I am a kind person. I would have been very annoyed to have been woken at 2.30am because someone's cat is being a cat. If you let cats roam outside, they decide where they want to go.

My neighbour's cat is currently meowing loudly to get in, I assume to sit by the radiator. Neighbour is well aware of their location, we have a group chat.

Artsyjojo · 29/01/2026 11:07

greywolfie · 29/01/2026 03:18

I'm now wide awake and fumming. She rung twice so I opened the front bedroom window as I worried it might be an emergency. Women stood there on her phone in tears and I thought - oh, she could need help.
My husband is on his way down to.open the door.
Then she says...."my cat is in your garden"
I mean - FFS!
I said "well your cat will get out of our garden"
"Really?"
"Yes. If your cat is still in our garden in the morning we will bring it back"
Shut window.
Husband then opened the door and she started telling him about the damn cat- I yelled at him to shut it.
He wanted to go out and get it but I said that was mad and would encourage the over protective cat mother to do it again in future.
For reference, we have 2 elderly cats that very rarely scale the fence. One night one got over very late and was struggling to make it back (we have stuff by our fence that would've also helped her bloody cat up, if he cared - but their side is just the bare fence). I was a bit worried but would NEVER have rung their bell in the middle of the night! About an hour later our old lady regained her energy and made it back.
AIBU to go round in the morning and point out you don't ring people's doorbells for this reason? It's batshit right?

I would not have rung your doorbell

BUT since she did and your husband has his own mind and was willing to help even if miffed at being woken up I firstly would not have told him not to help the woman. I would have allowed him to make his own decision! And even as I was now awake I would have got the cat myself if he didn't want to rather than leaving the woman distressed however annoying it was!

I hope you never need a neighbour in an emergency during the night even if this was not serious!

AmbeeBambee · 29/01/2026 11:10

greywolfie · 29/01/2026 03:18

I'm now wide awake and fumming. She rung twice so I opened the front bedroom window as I worried it might be an emergency. Women stood there on her phone in tears and I thought - oh, she could need help.
My husband is on his way down to.open the door.
Then she says...."my cat is in your garden"
I mean - FFS!
I said "well your cat will get out of our garden"
"Really?"
"Yes. If your cat is still in our garden in the morning we will bring it back"
Shut window.
Husband then opened the door and she started telling him about the damn cat- I yelled at him to shut it.
He wanted to go out and get it but I said that was mad and would encourage the over protective cat mother to do it again in future.
For reference, we have 2 elderly cats that very rarely scale the fence. One night one got over very late and was struggling to make it back (we have stuff by our fence that would've also helped her bloody cat up, if he cared - but their side is just the bare fence). I was a bit worried but would NEVER have rung their bell in the middle of the night! About an hour later our old lady regained her energy and made it back.
AIBU to go round in the morning and point out you don't ring people's doorbells for this reason? It's batshit right?

Not great being woken up at 2.30am for a cat jumping a fence, but you don't get to tell your DH whether he answers the door/gets the cat etc.

miss79guided · 29/01/2026 11:11

greywolfie · 29/01/2026 03:18

I'm now wide awake and fumming. She rung twice so I opened the front bedroom window as I worried it might be an emergency. Women stood there on her phone in tears and I thought - oh, she could need help.
My husband is on his way down to.open the door.
Then she says...."my cat is in your garden"
I mean - FFS!
I said "well your cat will get out of our garden"
"Really?"
"Yes. If your cat is still in our garden in the morning we will bring it back"
Shut window.
Husband then opened the door and she started telling him about the damn cat- I yelled at him to shut it.
He wanted to go out and get it but I said that was mad and would encourage the over protective cat mother to do it again in future.
For reference, we have 2 elderly cats that very rarely scale the fence. One night one got over very late and was struggling to make it back (we have stuff by our fence that would've also helped her bloody cat up, if he cared - but their side is just the bare fence). I was a bit worried but would NEVER have rung their bell in the middle of the night! About an hour later our old lady regained her energy and made it back.
AIBU to go round in the morning and point out you don't ring people's doorbells for this reason? It's batshit right?

Accept it and move on - clearly the neighbour IS a loon, on drugs / been on the pop ...

The neighbour WILL get what IS comin ...

reply to an advert FROM your neighbour

LHP118 · 29/01/2026 11:12

Sometimes, in situations (and the times!) like these, it may have been more than just about the cat.

Maybe the person has a hidden disability, is anxious as their world is imploding, etc. One never knows, unless given the benefit of the doubt whilst also drawing lines of engagement/clear communication.

I'd have been annoyed. But also let them in and helped with the cat....shared my views/experience to set up for next time....so they knew expectations.

Fodencat · 29/01/2026 11:13

Cats gonna cat. You can’t police where they go. She sounds nuts

MrJoeBangles · 29/01/2026 11:16

Answer the door while sharpening knives.
Explain you were up anyway, just chilling a nice Chianti.

Spookyspaghetti · 29/01/2026 11:16

This has reminded me of the thread about the op who had new neighbours that hadn’t moved in yet as they were getting the house renovated. Op’s cat had gone in through I think a ‘smart’ cat flap and couldn’t seem to get out. Op was flinging slices of ham through one of the windows 😂 and got up to a few other antics. She was very confused when the neighbours thought she should pay for the damage caused.

TallulahBetty · 29/01/2026 11:16

Why were you fumming? I'd be fuming.

Alliod40 · 29/01/2026 11:17

This reply has been deleted

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CommonlyKnownAs · 29/01/2026 11:19

Oh for the laugh response button to return.

Spookyspaghetti · 29/01/2026 11:19

Artsyjojo · 29/01/2026 11:07

I would not have rung your doorbell

BUT since she did and your husband has his own mind and was willing to help even if miffed at being woken up I firstly would not have told him not to help the woman. I would have allowed him to make his own decision! And even as I was now awake I would have got the cat myself if he didn't want to rather than leaving the woman distressed however annoying it was!

I hope you never need a neighbour in an emergency during the night even if this was not serious!

Come now, op made it clear in her first post that she was quite prepared to help the girl in an emergency which this wasn’t.

vickyfowler · 29/01/2026 11:19

This reply has been deleted

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She didn’t need help though. Her cat was in OP garden, so fucking what? If you let your cat roam that’s going to happen.

ThejoyofNC · 29/01/2026 11:19

This reply has been deleted

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Are you having a laugh or are you literally the neighbour?

Toomanysofttoys · 29/01/2026 11:19

Blondieeeee · 29/01/2026 06:56

my Neighbours once rang my doorbell at 6am to tell me my cat had done a shit in her garden. Nutter.

This made me laugh.. thank you

ERthree · 29/01/2026 11:22

ShetlandishMum · 29/01/2026 03:20

Or you could have been kind...

The neighbour could have been king and not woken someone at 2 in the morning for something that was not an emergency.

Toothfairy89 · 29/01/2026 11:22

Was it a house cat? Or a missing cat?

I would assume a housemates if she's worried about it being in gardens? I think it's unreasonable to tell youe husband not to help if he wanted to

FlyingApple · 29/01/2026 11:23

Was the neighbour "kind" when she knocked on their door twice after being told to go?