Giving money to adult children?

[Menonut]

I don’t want to jump on the Beckham bandwagon but I’ve just read that Nicola Peltz receives an allowance of $1 million a month! Surely that’s insane?
What motivation has she got to go out and achieve anything for herself when she can basically sit on her backside and receive that.
Is that madness or AIBU?

I understand wanting to help your children and do the very best for them, and we will help our son as much as we can to get his foot on the ladder, but surely a time comes when they’ve got to be self sufficient and stand on their own two feet?

I’ve always like Peter Jones’s approach to this. He said he will double his kids earned income so if that income is 0 they will receive 0. If they choose a role that is in the charity sector or the NHS for example the amount he gives them will be increased. This means they are not scraping a living on minimum wage, but they have a purpose to their life.

For real if I could I’d totally fund them. There is more to life than working for a living! She seems to be a functionally adult and is acting and er modelling, is it?

they could be perpetual students, volunteer, be terrible artists, grow vegetables badly, take awful photos and publish a book. The world would be their oyster. As long as they were doing something and were fulfilled then why not?

Helping your children out occasionally is very different to giving them a monthly allowance. That’s what Brooklyn Beckham and his wife have.

Am I the only person on MN who is starting to think that the 'won't you consider the [fill in the blanks] deprived' category is beginning to feel sanctimonious?

My parents are immigrants and self made. They are now mortgage free and Dad earns about £80k a year. I probably end up getting 5k a year, as do my siblings, in the form of gifts, cash on birthday, house maintence, random food deliveries etc. I.e this week I had loads of meat be randomly delivered alongside some new towels and a lego set for my child

I don’t see the point in having lots of money and then watching your children struggle

i like to help my son out
So if that’s by paying a few grand on the unexpected bills that crop up I am happy to do this

paying for a holiday as I like to spend time with him and his partner

chucking them some cash for extras treats

if I can afford to do this then why not

I’ve seen lots of thread on here where people have said there parents are wealthy loaded but won’t help their own kids out even with something like buying a washing machine or paying for a car repair bill

the only thing I wouldn’t do is have anything to do with child care. I’ve seen to many of my friends sucked into basically raising their grandkids and then are the bad guys when they can’t do it for whatever reason

I went to the IOW and to Osbourne house last year. I went to see the Swiss cottage and the little allotment gardens next to it. We were told that the royal children grew vegetables in them and sold them to Prince Albert to earn pocket money. He apparently paid full market rate. Nicest thing I’ve ever heard about the royals. Maybe if that type of thing was modelled by todays celebs, elite rich and royals, we would have a lower quotient of nepo-entitled.

There is a huge difference between helping your kids with support for large bills, getting on the housing ladder, treating them to a meal out or trip away sometime and not expecting them to be fully functional adults who can handle life because the parents are paying for everything.

I really want to be in a position that we can help our children when they’re adults.
They’ll get what we can afford and if we were billionaires it would absolutely be in the millions.

And why not? You sound like a lovely, caring family xx

Of course it would because that's entirely different set of needs but again my concern would be making sure they are ok when I die because im morbid apparently.

It’s wrong to assume she is not motivated by other meaningful purposes.

Money really isn't everything.

This is the way of most rich families. They can and do keep that money rolling. However, most of us cannot retire if we continue to help our children. It is a sad reality for the middle/lower classes.

I didn’t say otherwise.

None of us is privy to any conditions between Nicola and her parents.
Maybe her parents know her personal ambitions, dreams and her work ethic better than we do.
Maybe her parents want her to enjoy the benefits that money bring when she's young.
Maybe they don't want to wait until they're dead and they can't be around to see her enjoy it?
They have pots of money, so who knows what the arrangement is?

If you are used to the lifestyle of a daughter of a billionaire, 1 million a month probably isn’t much, so she will trying to earn as well

I think the general principle of not undermining your children by making their lives too easy applies to all financial levels.

Lots of people on here say they would never ask their children to leave home and are happy for them to live into their twenties, even thirties at home. I have seen the consequences if you make it very very easy for children to live at home and I don't like it- I think if all they have to do is earn pocket-money or 'extras' and their basic living is taken care of, especially in a house that is much nicer than the one they could have at that stage in life, then it takes away a lot of their motivation to go out and seek work, a career. We see this a lot on mumsnet with mid-twenties, often men but not always, kids stuck at home and just not really going anywhere.

I will always share my extra money with my kids, my parents do with me, so that's things like I'd fund them clothes they like, a holiday, house deposit (but that might be a loan depending how much money I have at that time), dinners out, things off Amazon.

I wouldn't want to be paying for them to live after uni on an everyday basis, unless they were firmly fixed in a good job and just needed somewhere to stay before making their own way.

I think the idea of multi-generational households is a good one where the children grow up to be successful adults themselves and then house older family- I think if children never really leave and just drift on into twenties or thirties needing very little, this can impact motivation. Same for the Nicoles of this world.

I am deliberately not letting my children convert my attic to live in or one person I know built mini-flats for his children in the grounds of where he lives, now most of them live there, you need to establish motivation to live your own life.

Money that helps the great life they are already seeking, or stops them being in an awful situation (e.g. private healthcare), yes, money to live on so they don't have to seek a purpose or career or have a reason to get up and go out, no.

It’s hard for me to get into the headspace of having this much money. But of course you will keep your kids in the style they are accustomed to.

i grew up we had a fairly middling lifestyle but my parent’s business became more successful in their later life. So as an adult they often offer to pay for a holiday or a new kitchen. I don’t expect it, I appreciate it. Very much so as I didn’t grow up in luxury at all. But ultimately I will also help my kids out because I’d hate for me to be heading off on holiday and for them to be struggling.

I can understand wealthy parents wanting to help their children out. Most parents would do anything for their kids.

But I’m surprised how many already-privileged young people are happy to accept financial help from their families, e.g. paying rent at uni, mortgage deposits etc.

First, do they not take pride in doing it for themselves? Surely, being a responsible adult means standing on your own feet: being financially responsible, making trade-offs, using initiative etc. Sure, if you’re desperate, you may have to ask your family for help. But to regularly rely on it is like remaining a child.

Second, anyone who cares about tackling inequality must realise that if rich kids are subsidised by their parents, rather than demand a fairer system for all, it creates a barrier for people who have no family wealth to rely on. Thus exacerbating inequality.

University is a good example. We’re pretty much back to the bad old days where only the rich can afford university. In the 80s, students without family wealth were entitled to a full grant and (at least partial) housing benefit. I was grateful for that financial support, which enabled me to be the first in my family to access higher education. In turn, I’d be willing to pay more tax to help kids today have the same opportunity.

No idea if the story’s true. If so, I agree it’s all relative. But what on earth does she spend $1m a month on?

And doesn’t she feel embarrassed at being so grotesquely excessive in her spending, presumably buying tons of things she doesn’t really need.

The 1M was in a DM article yesterday. No real idea if it's true or not.. They are supremely wealthy so may be. She comes across over indulged and spoilt in my personal opinion regardless. She has a reputation of being unkind and demanding. Also rumor.

Giving grown kids money happens as evidenced on this thread. My DF paid my uni fees (as a result no student debt), rent and gave me an allowance the entire time. As soon as I graduated all the additional support stopped and this was fine as I could do it myself. It was 23 at graduation. The support didn't stop me from working to look after myself. The opposite. I was grateful for it and still am 20 yrs later. It set me up in a way that I didn't even fully understand until several years later. Could just focus on study as i didnt have to work whilst at uni and no debt when done.

I know a few people from wealthy backgrounds (they have trust funds).and the ones I admire the most are those who were taught by their parents to appreciate their good fortune and “give back” to society-not just with large donations, but giving their time to charities and non profit organizations. It’s not to gain kudos, they just quietly give their time and support.

I agree. Look, I'm the sort of person who was looking forward to retiring from my first day of work, but the reality is that I would not have enjoyed being paid to do nothing. Everyone needs a purpose in life, and something to occupy their time - rather than just frittering the days away. It's really not good for people to be idle all the time and honestly all you posters who say you would love to do nothing would find it becomes boring very fast. There is more to life than just pleasing ourselves all the time.

Speak for yourself 🤣

You can have a purpose and do productive things without getting paid for them. If I could afford it, I would quit work today and spend my days surrounded by animals.

And the rich say they work hard for the money. 80% of all wealth is inherited. Anyone with over a billion should have half taken away and given to the least well off to boost the economy.

I separated from my husband last year. I have the kids 100% of the time and I can’t pay their school fees this year. If DH doesn’t come through, my dad has offered to pay them so they can stay at their school. I feel so polarized by this. I am so incredibly grateful and genuinely awed by the offer. I am also crushed to be asking for help. I haven’t had any financial assistance since I was a young student apart from my wedding.

My brother has benefited from ongoing material support for most of his adult life and is the primary beneficiary of my father’s will. I wonder if he feels this bizarre complex range of emotions but I’m too scared to ask.

my kids have disabilities but I hope to be able to supplement their future incomes to keep them slightly above the poverty line. But not too far because I am not very well set up. Plus separation was an extremely poor decision from a financial point of view. But the relationship completely broke down.

I think every family is different.