DH waking the kids!

[PinkPonyClubb]

He’s driving me crazy! I literally watch (baby monitors) as each noise wakes both kids. (1-3)

His alarm goes of at 5.30 both kids are flat out.

We leave both kids doors open when they sleep incase they ever wake and need us. I’ve asked him to shut these, he forgets every morning. He shuts the bathroom door and the noise always wakes the 1 year old first, it’s the latch it kind of pings so loud. He washes his hair which sounds like an avalanche, drops loads and that bloody cough drives me nuts! He can not brush his teeth without gagging.

On occasion, when it’s me up early first, the kids don’t wake.

Am I being precious? Is this just normal morning noise? I can’t see why he can’t assist the door closing quietly, close the kids doors and not drop everything

You should have just got him used to sleeping through a rock concert. You’ve made a rod for your own back. 😂🤪

Thank you for your support with this! You’ve made me feel so much better. You hit the nail on the head with everything you’ve said!

I hope you and your toddler aren’t too tired.

Also just to add... I sometimes need to.leave the house at 6am to catch a train to work. Toddler generally gets up around 7am to 7.30am so I have everything ready night before and my bag etc sat at the door. My clothes downstairs in the living room, brush teeth in downstairs loo (without the weird gagging that men seem to do despite brushing their teeth for 40 years now 🙄).

If he's not showering and he can manage to put laundry out in the morning quietly, he can manage to wet his hair downstairs quietly.

He doesn't take.notice because he's not the one dealing with the kids emotions.

This is easy!

Stick signs absolutely everywhere. Laminate them. Tell him in person you're doing it so it doesn't look all harsh and accusatory. Put kisses on the end.

I remember renting rooms and we shared a bathroom. The shower was finicky and you had to run the cold tap at the end. Everyone would forget, the next person would be furious when the shower wouldn't start. I put up a sign outside and inside, the problem disappeared.

He isn't doing it on purpose. I'm not remotely sound sensitive, I could always and have slept right through loud party sounds or whatever. I was hosting a friend of mine in our thirties. She told me she was lying in bed one night gritting her teeth as I walked through the hallway into that kitchen and back again letting that door slam each time. She couldn't understand how I - usually considerate to other people - could be behaving like this.

The next day she knocked on my door and found me in a deep deep sleep while the builder was drilling as loud as an earthquake right outside my window. Then it all made sense.

He's not a light sleeper and these things don't occur to him. He's agreeing at night time but in the morning he's on autopilot and getting ready for a day at work. A sign on the bedroom door, in the hall, in the bathroom and another one the mirror. Two weeks and job done.

Put a sign on the back of the loo door - close kids doors as a reminder

It's really important for fire safety that the children's doors are closed at night, and this will have the added benefit that this will cut out the normal household noise that your DH is making in the morning.

It's not reasonable to put your children at risk and to expect your DH to tiptoe round because you refuse to shut the children's bedroom doors. You need to solve your problem with your sleep and the white noise of the baby monitors for the good of the whole family. It is selfish of you to not address this.

My mantra was always "you wake them, you take them". My DH pretty soon learnt to be quiet as he knew I meant every word & did follow it through!

Just close the kids doors, if they need you they can call. It’s advised all doors are closed at night incase of a fire x

Again, did he just not go to work?

He should have to deal with the child he woke. Stay in bed obviously asleep if he brings child to you say you woke him again bring him up when your leaving I’m tired.

Just tell him if they wake up because he is being inconsiderate then he needs to get them back to sleep before he leaves the house

He needs to get ready downstairs. He should leave his toothbrush and hair stuff etc in the kitchen.

How can you be happy with someone who repeatedly, over and over again, ignores your very reasonable request for a bit of thoughtfulness at 5.30am, not just for you but HIS children too. Someone like this will be thoughtless in other ways too

There was a previous poster who said I live with Mr Bean and I couldn’t stop laughing! This is actually him to a tee!

I genuinely can’t think of anything else he does that is selfish. Other than this he is a great dad and husband.

No one is perfect, me included but this drives me crazy! He has already text twice and rang once saying sorry to me. It’s not me I am bothered about it’s the kids! Which he knows and said he fees awful. Still doesn’t make it okay. If he doesn’t change I will absolutely loose my shit! It’s not fair on the kids!

If you say so

Because upthread you said you have really explained to him many times how this is impacting you and the children negatively…. And he just reverts time and time again.

Urgh my OH used to be like this and it was at its worst when DD was tiny and sleeping in our room. During the time when she was waking through the night for feeds, she would have her first feed of the day around 6am and then she would go back in her cot and I’d go back to bed to try for some more sleep having been up 2/3 times during the night. When OH got up at 7:00 for work you’d think he’d be quiet so we both could sleep but noooo. Clattering around, shutting doors noisily, throat clearing, spraying deodorant everywhere for me and DD to breathe in, jeez sometimes he’d even take a phone call about his first job of the day and I’d be praying he not wake the baby! We had words about it and he did get better.

Have you looked at the settings for your monitor? Mine's not fancy but it let's you set it so it essentially switches off, no noise, no screen except when it hears a noise and I can set how sensitive it is.

Seems a bit harsh to complain about the bathroom latch making a noise. Surely it's better the door is shut? Otherwise the washing sounds would probably wake them.

Honestly, doesn't sound like you can be up without waking the kids so might just have to get in with it.

Oh you're right! You caught her out! Hahahaha she's deep in delusions about her pathetically low standards and too weak willed to do what you (with your dizzyingly high standards) can see needs to be done. If she had your self respect she would know she has to ltb immediately.

What does it mean to "sleep through his brother"?

Sleep through his toddler brother making noise during the day

Bastardy in the first degree

Given he’s not selfish in other situations, I think it’s likely his inability to remember for more than a few days is down to him having to get up so early, rather than selfishness. Our brains don’t work as well at all hours of the day, he may be half asleep still as he gets up. So the suggestions that focus on changing the physical set up so he doesn’t need to remember when he’s on autopilot might be better. Can you sit down with him and discuss how to change things rather than just how he has to try harder?

I would be considering changing the catch on the bathroom door so it doesn’t click loudly, sign on the bathroom door (maybe just a photo of your DC from when they are tired and crying one morning…). If you have a downstairs bathroom then he could move all his stuff down there (possibly clothes too), even if just a toilet it should be possible to put a shower wand in so he could do his hair over the sink, at the very least he could move his toothbrush to the kitchen sink.

And buy a white noise machine for each room. Doors closed to prevent the spread of fires too.

Remind him tonight
Check in with us tomorrow am to see if he’s managed to remember!

1, Doors should always be shut for fire reasons

2, Why do you need the doors open when you have baby monitors?

YABU