To think i didnt get enough help when my brother died

[BlueWall11]

My brother died 20 years ago, I was 18 and he was 14. He was ill in hospital for a few months and then passed away.
My parents were obviously devastated, I think my mum drank alot and im not sure who remembered me.
I went out alot, had lots of bad relationships, drunk too much and moved out about 6 months after he died. My dd is now the same age I was and I think I would have helped her more checked she was dealing with it all ok. My dm says I didnt want help and just went out all the time, I can't remember. I think I have blocked alot of that time out.
We have never discussed his death, he doesn't get mentioned at all. 20 years on and im only really thinking about it now and im unsure how to deal with it.
I feel guilty that I wasn't there for my parents, annoyed that they didn't check I was ok and just actually feel really sad. I have no other siblings and im not sure I realised what a huge loss it was. Id like to move forward, im not angry with my parents, I just feel a bit stuck.

'I feel guilty that I wasn't there for my parents'

As someone who has been through similar (albiet younger), this stood out to me. It wasn't your job to be there for your parents, you were grieving as well. I'm lucky in that my parents were there for me and provided me with everything I needed to develop into a functioning adult despite the pain they were going through. They put me above their own grief. Your parents failure to do that doesn't make them bad people, but its clearly left a mark that you're allowed to be angry about. You deserved and deserve support.

I've tried counselling and in all honestly, it didn't work for me. It may be different for you though, no harm in trying.

I’m so sorry for your loss, and I think what you’re feeling now is completely understandable. It’s definitely not too late for counselling, and a good counsellor will really be able to help you to work through this and hopefully become unstuck.

Hi, I just wanted to say that your post really resonated with me and you are not alone in feeling this way. My brother died 20 years ago and I know I will never, ever get over that loss and I feel as though I should have had counselling at the time also. Sorry no advice as I guess I am looking for the same closure but just wanted to say hi and that I hope you are ok 💐

Definitely not too late

But take time to find the right person with the right skills, get someone who is accredited.

I'm sorry for your loss. I think it can take many years for feelings about bereavement to surface. My DM died a long time ago and I just got on with my life. It was years before I started thinking about the loss of all the adult years of a mother/daughter relationship I missed - no grandmother for my DC.
People you know as a child are important in later life and it is a major loss to lose a sibling.

That’s really tough, often when we have children we realise how wild things were for teenagers in the past, give your teenager self an internal hug, counselling will help, if you’re not interested in counselling, there are a lot of healing methods available these days through reiki etc.

I wish you well OP, never too late for councelling.