On-line dating is hell

[bellalou1234]

Hi I’m new to online dating and it’s hell so far. I’ve been cat fished twice, ghosted when talking by text numerous times. Does it get better? Am I better paying for a website. I’m 45

I think that things have changed a lot since the late 1990s

How is this relevant to present-day online dating?

I met my boyfriend (albeit late 50’s so boyfriend sounds weird 🤣) last year and have been together 9 months.

it was on (paid for) Bumble and although not loads of likes, it was enough! He seems v normal & lovely and no fish or outdated photos! I like the fact men couldn’t randomly message and needed a 2 way match from the get go.

Not sure if I was lucky or super fussy - only went on 2 dates in 4 months…

I agree I’m 39 and it’s much worse than last time
when
i I was child free and 34.
i had lots of options and lots of people I agreed to dates with then, now i can barely see anyone I want to reply to and went on only three online dates with three men in the whole of 2025

You’re very lucky. None of my 50 something friends have had any success with OLD and all gave up on it.

Yep, it's dire. I naively thought it would be similar to when I was in my very early 30's. Loads of nice men wanting to date. Now late 40's, it's awful. I should have known really, as I don't know any single men in their 40's. All my friends are married. I have been on 2 dates in the year I have been OLD. I could tell straight away we were not going to click. Meeting men IRL seems super unlikely. Most decent men are in relationships at this age. So very few and far between single men in their late 40's to even bump into. Also, a lot of men in their 40's on OLD want to meet women in their 30's. I don't want to date a 60 year old...

Are you male or female?

You have to be selective. Know what you want. I would go with a paid version of Tinder, there are the most men on there and they are all on the same apps anyway. If you get the paid version it saves you heaps of time because you can filter and scroll through your likes and then filter your matches. Literally everyone gets heaps of matches on Tinder too, I got about 10 000 in one week and I'm in my 40's in a largish city.

Likes I meant, not matches.

Online dating can be rough at first ghosting and catfishing are common.
It does get better with boundaries and experience.
Paid sites are often better at 40+ as people are more serious.

I hope you kneed him in the balls. That's assault.

Tinder is more of a hook up site.

Try bumble. I found that to be better, and you can restrict who messages you if memory serves correctly so you don't get the old men and 25 year olds

You will get ghosted and time wasters, but there are good ones on there too.

Met my partner on there and we have been together 6 years. On that particular occasion I joined, chatted to him the first day and had our first date within a week. Not looked back since. He isn't perfect, but his imperfections are completely 'normal', and we treat each other really well, 100% trust

What makes you think that men were different back then?

Whenever I see posts about online dating, Contributors to the post always mention sites like Tinder and Match. In my view, those are the sites that are now a waste of time. I don't know what happened, but those mainstream dating sites seem to be now filled with bots or A. I generated profiles.

Are these sites now just about money as opposed to helping you find a date? I think that is the case. The solution isn't to quit. It is to find sites that aren't mainstream. From my experience, the lesser-known sites that have a smaller user base tend to have more genuine options.

I have met some amazing people on Flirthouse, Foupster, and Ibone Social. Okay, I am still single, but at least I actually felt like I was getting somewhere.

It just takes patience and time. Finding someone special isn’t easy, if it was it wouldn’t be as special as it is.

I met my now husband on tinder after being on and off of there for just over a year. He is the most wonderful man and I couldn’t be happier.

Dont spend weeks and weeks chatting, get a casual coffee date booked in. If you want to, ask for ID before meeting so you don’t get catfished.

I'm 42 (nearly 43) and recently been returned to the singles pool. I've used Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Facebook Dating and Breeze. I've been ghosted quite a few times, but I've had a few dates. Bumble and Hinge seem the best out of the bunch. I think when you join your profile is highlighted more as a way to get you more matches (and pay for the paid version). It is a numbers game. You just got to keep swiping.

I've been on a Breeze date - really different concept, if you match you both pay for the date, and there is no talk/chat beforehand. I was terrified turning up to the date, but it turned out okay.

I met my last partner on Match, and that lasted three years, so not really the fault of Match though!

As others have said, avoid endless chat and arrange a simple coffee or drink. Something super casual and then you know if it's worth pursuing or not. I would like to think I am a nice guy and respectful, but can appreciate not every man will be.

It's not hell, you just have to treat it for what it is, a brief introduction service and just be ready to throw people away instantly if they behave badly or don't meet your requirements.

You also have to bear in mind your own limitations.

Expecting OLD to deliver up a procession of tall good looking billionaires who enjoy spending time at their holiday homes in the south of France is pretty unrealistic when you are Mr/Ms Average.

God knows what Id get at 64. Some pervert probably.

Probably 79 year old Barry who resembles Dobby telling you age is nothing but a number

Are you good at nursing or pursing @Gettingbysomehow

There are so many negative people on here. Yes it's a pain, yes there are lots of idiots, but there are some normal, nice people as well. Just like in a bar on a Friday night. They're certainly not all perverts!

Met my husband on Tinder. Generally had good experiences on there. I met two others before matching with my husband and they were both nice guys; didn’t click romantically but had several good dates. I found it pretty easy to identify the oddballs, chancers, and time-wasters. The key seemed to be moving from messages to a meeting quickly. If they weren’t prepared to do that, I can tell the weren’t serious.

I did fb dating and Tinder for a few months (in my 40s) and treated it like a second job.

I put lots of time and effort into the messaging, finding out all about them etc and went on 6 dates. 5 duds that were quickly thrown back but number 6 was the one, and we've been together a couple of years now.

I was very strict on who I chatted to though. Must have a job, a car and live independently etc. I used to ask these things very early on as I didn't want to waste anyone's time. I wasn't going to be driving men around or have sleep overs at their mom's house at my age I'm afraid. It was actually surprising how many men didn't have these 3 basic things in their 40s!

That really made me laugh