On-line dating is hell

[bellalou1234]

Hi I’m new to online dating and it’s hell so far. I’ve been cat fished twice, ghosted when talking by text numerous times. Does it get better? Am I better paying for a website. I’m 45

It’s definitely a numbers game , I was close to giving up and found my husband was 41 at the time.

I had the ghosting , messages from men younger then my son 🙄 right up to messages from oap’s apparently they will take care of me 🤪

husband was having the same issues and was about the give up the search.

Unfortunately you won't get a better grade of man by paying a subscription.
Same men on every site these days with the same games and lack of morals.
You'll find someone good of you're lucky but time wasting is a sport for most of these men on OLD sites these days.
You will find this out the hard way.
Please be careful and keep yourself safe and your personal details safe.
Always do a video call before meeting to avoid/minimise the risk of being catfished.
Never give too much away no matter how 'nice' or easy to talk to they seem.

Sorry OP.

Same here!
Glad it worked out for you 💖

If you’re not paying, what site are you using? How long has it been?

what kind of man are you after? Do you work? xx

ive been thinking about joining bumble actually, this year might be the year I get out there again 👀👀

Online dating is a numbers game. It gives you a huge reach / exposure to people you otherwise wouldn't meet. In that sense, it's great, but don't get invested or attached. When you talk to someone on the app, treat it like you accidentally bumped into someone in the lift and got talking. No expectations. It's just a connection that might go somewhere.

Because it gives you that exposure unfortunately the downside is you'll likely come into contact with lots of idiots.

If you really don't want to keep up with online dating, why not ask your friends to set you up with someone.

I was so naive I thought all I had to do was go on and would meet normal people. It’s savage. I thought men 45-50 would have grown out of games

Don’t bother paying. I found Match awful - a waste of money. Bumble is ok with the free version. And if you’re on FB they have a free dating section.

As others have said it’s the same men on the paid sites as the free ones.

And at 45 be ready to be messaged by 25 year olds and pensioners

I’m using hinged, tinder (I know) same men on both

Seriously I had a 59 year old pin me up against a car park wall and try and ram his tongue down my throat after a reasonably pleasant dare - despite him adding 3 inches to his height and knocking 5 years off his age!

Online dating is a mix of men who look about 60 but claim to be 45, men who are young enough to be my son and a bunch of fish wielding weirdos in between. Good luck OP.
Every now and again I have a look to remind myself that I don’t really want a man in my house.

Ahhh it’s grim. I met someone and they were nothing like there phots. Shaved years of there age and height and were unemployed, but in the weeks we were talking prior to date made on they were working.

Why are you doing it though?

I mean if it's hell?

Yes that’s a good way to look at it. All of my friends are in relationships and have no suitable friends

I mean, you need to have a filter think, and also ditch tinder 😂

ie, what signs are there that someone is unemployed? Got loads of kids? I’d say if someone is responding loads during the day, unemployed 🤷‍♀️ or a sahd

do you live in a city, can you go and meet people irl? Speed dating?

is hinge good, I don’t know?

are you a professional - if you are, aren’t there dating apps just for professionals?

yes could try speed dating me friend said it was horrific. I’m a nurse so not professional per se. I find hinge worse than tinder, match was bad too xx

I’m in the same age bracket as you, op, and I agree. I’ve been on and off them for a while now and really trying to stick with it at the moment as I’d like a proper relationship now, but it is absolutely brutal, and tiring. I was catfished last week by someone who had used photos from years ago when he was slimmer, had darker hair etc. Nice enough guy, just didn’t match his photos and I therefore didn’t fancy him.

It’s so hard isn’t it 😬

Don’t forgot the too close up mirror selfies taken in a public toilet

My experience of Bumble was when I was on free sub version I had around 10 likes. So I was reported and I paid for a month, cause otherwise how would I see who they were from. Now none of these folk suited me, but I stayed on for the 'paid' month - absolutely no new likes, nada - but as soon as the month was up, I got 3 likes within 12 hours.

Now tell me that's not rigged.

online dating doesn’t get better you get better at filtering people out.

-one to two days of texting max;
you then try get them on the phone/video. If they push on that likely a catfish/ghost.
should be making a plan to meet within a week. Absolutely no texting all day/every day. If not meeting by week two, move on

That should read 'I was tempted' not reported

Ahh definitely is the all owned by the same people

Fish wielding 😂

I used to like the photos of them alongside a heavily tranqualised tiger in a South-East temple. That used to really do it for me.

I honestly think the apps are finished. Most of the good ones will have already left after finding out how bad it is only leaving a pool of the total sleeze bags.

It was a massive slog, but I met my DH online back in the late 1990’s. We had two great kids and he’s been a lovely husband. We just retired last fall. So it is possible.