Older teens and junk food

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I'm at a bit of a loss as to whether I'm being unreasonable or not.

I try and keep junk food, crisps, snacks, sweets, fizzy drinks etc to a minimum in the house. Not in a controlling way, birthday or weekend treats, if we have someone round we will have stuff in but day to day snacks are fruit or yoghurt or some cheese and an oatcake. Now with older teens, they have their own income and often buy all of the above which the younger ones feel is very unfair and it causes a lot of issues.

I wish the older ones were making better choices (and no, this is not a response to not having ready daily access to junk food growing up, they did, probably more so than many would consider moderate) but they maintain they're nearly adults, it's their money and therefore theirs to spend on what they please. I've tried to maintain that under my roof certain rules apply, but it's proving a losing battle with takeaway deliveries and goodness knows what tempting younger ones into the older ones rooms. They often do share, but I don't want any of my kids eating that volume of crap.

After trying for months to reason with them I feel as though the next step is to confiscate and destroy on sight. If anyone has any better ideas I'd be keen to hear - or am I just a mad authoritarian?

I suppose the options are

YABU - it's their money, they're nearly adults, don't be such a control freak.

YANBU - your house, your rules, and you need to enforce them.

Would you like some one controlling what you eat and what food you can buy ?

If you posted on here that someone was trying to do this to you - you’d likely be advised that they were abusive.

it’s not good to be so controlling to your older kids / they will resent you for it.

You've shown them while growing up what a healthy diet looks like. Trust that they have that information and will probably use it in the future. They're teens at the moment and enjoy a bit of junk food. Probably best not to make an issue of demonising foods in front of the younger ones as that can create problems in itself. You can still keep providing healthy snacks at home.

At 16, I was nearly always out of the house, either at college, with friends or at work , so as my parents didn't ever cook or supply food for me, I just bought whatever I wanted, wherever it was cheap and didn't need cooking. TBF, I don't think anyone realised junk food was so bad back then, plus I was so active it didn't SEEM to affect my health. I think my mum would have stepped in, if, on the odd times she saw me, I had looked ill, and I'd probably have done as she'd asked, Yes, it was my money I'd earned that I spent on my food, but under her roof, I'd go along with her rules, and she hardly charged me any rent when I was doing A-levels, so I had it very easy, so I wouldn't have minded doing what she asked.

I think people had a different reaction to your original post as it implied you just didn’t like them having autonomy over their food choices.

The fact that they have actual adult health problems which are directly related to eating such quantities of UPF and junk puts a whole different spin on your concerns, which are completely justified ❤️

What does their other parent feel about their kids health issues? Would they be prepared to step up and support you? Sounds like you are the ‘bad cop’. Perhaps other parent can coax them into dr appointments/better choices?

I feel for you as this feels like a real ticking time bomb for your young adults xx

DS is 18 now, he eats fairly well but has a soft spot for sweet treats… I tried to limit it before but now he’s an adult not much I can do about it, although he barely leaves the house so unless he catches someone before they go to the shop he doesn’t get too much 🤭

Other parent is more hardline, and says they can just move out in a few months if they cant behave reasonably, doesn't mean it. But we've tried everything, they say they want to lose weight, but then a pizza and sides arrive and it's "oh it starts tomorrow". I think they're a bad influence on each other, one always has something. They never seem to try at the same time and therefore knock each other off the wagon. I've told them about the relatively young men I've known who have died from bowel cancer etc etc, told to give it a rest

I used to have a rule with my teens that worked quite well

we would have dinner all together and it would be proper food (cooked by me), they could eat junk food and buy whatever but I did not want bad attitude or uneaten food at dinner time. So they would eat an entire packet of Jaffa cakes or Doritos but then also still have my home cooked dinner

they never got fat somehow, so not sure how I would have felt if they had become overweight, tbh

But essentially I tried to get them hooked and used to nice home cooked food (not low cal or anything, just a nice shepherds pie, a Thai curry or roast chicken)

they ate my food and also junk food

a sort of balance without need to resorting to mad dictatorship 😬😁

I know how you feel, I have 2 teens and my eldest is an adult he’s nearly 21 & he’s always spending his wages on takeaways & he has a poor diet. I’ve tried numerous times to speak to him about it from teenage years to now but it just goes in one ear and out the other and the other 2 seem to want to spend their pocket money on junk food and takeaways lately too but when my eldest was 17 my youngest was 11 and my middle was 14 and they used to moan that he got takeaways and they didn’t and I used to just say it’s his money, I’m not paying for it.
We never banned junk food in our house either, we had crisps, biscuits as well as fruit, yoghurts. They used to get sweets at the weekend and the occasional fizzy drinks and we used to get the odd takeaway too and had freezer food for the odd quick meals but as soon as they turn teens they seem to just want to live on junk food. My daughter who’s 14 now would rather eat pasta, noodles or takeaway for dinner some nights she has what we have but if we’re having something and she doesn’t want it she’ll fall back on noodles or pasta. I think it’s because they realise they have autonomy over what they eat and they like to flex it 😤
Best thing to do is speak to them and ask them not to order their food or have junk until the younger ones have been fed or are in bed.
If you throw away their food or drinks it will just cause arguments and upset.

Oh jeez sounds really tough! Is it worth having a ‘come to Jesus’ chat with them which is more broad than their current situations. Such as what are your goals/aims/see yourself in a year doing XYZ’. How can we help you get there/what do you need etc

Sounds like they need to get a fresh zest or passion for something. Are Girlfriends /boyfriends a factor? Teens are inherently vain, and often buck up when someone they like is on the scene.

xx

It sounds like more than that though with the talk of xxxl clothing and high blood pressure at 17. It sounds like disordered eating that is seriously damaging their health and well-being.

If OP had said that her teenagers were anorexic and dangerously underweight then posters would be encouraging her to intervene so I don’t think this is any different.

But I don’t think OP can do this alone without assistance from health professionals in the same way a GP is required for assistance with anorexia.

Do they take antihistamine for their allergies? They definitely make you more lethargic and can increase appetite.

No they don't take anything, thanks though I will bear that in mind because they probably will in future

This is a hard thread to read. OP, I think you would have had a more helpful response if you had posted outside of AIBU and asked for advice on how to support older teens who are overweight and making bad food choices with their own money. It's a tricky situation.

I suggest, pick your battles.
i spent years giving my kids, dishes of raw carrots every night before dinner, hone cooked meals, lots of fruit and small quantities of sweets, crisps.
When they started earning, they bought more of the unhealthy stuff, but I feel I gave them a good basis, and now, as young adults, living away from home, they have gone back to making their own healthy food.
Could you sit the older ones down (appeal to their maturity) away from the younger ones, and explain your concerns about the younger ones not getting a fair chance at healthy foods before they too start exercising their right to do what they want with their own cash.
The odd takeaway, even weekly, won’t hurt them.
Perhaps the older ones could be more low profile about the unhealthy stuff lying out visible antagonising the little ones, or ordering a takeaway when they are in bed.
Also, if they have to buy more of their own clothes, excluding school clothes, they won’t have as much available cash.
I remember loving the feeling of being able to buy whatever I wanted, even a big bag of sweets, when I started earning, but that changed when I realised I would get fat if I ate too many.

Don't see why it's so difficult. Yes it's their money to spend. But it's your house so they can't bring it home if you don't want it on the premises.
It's not the same but substitute cannabis for sweets.....you physically can't stop them buying it when away but you sure as hell can say don't bring it into my house.