Older teens and junk food

[Pinkyelloworangeandred]

I'm at a bit of a loss as to whether I'm being unreasonable or not.

I try and keep junk food, crisps, snacks, sweets, fizzy drinks etc to a minimum in the house. Not in a controlling way, birthday or weekend treats, if we have someone round we will have stuff in but day to day snacks are fruit or yoghurt or some cheese and an oatcake. Now with older teens, they have their own income and often buy all of the above which the younger ones feel is very unfair and it causes a lot of issues.

I wish the older ones were making better choices (and no, this is not a response to not having ready daily access to junk food growing up, they did, probably more so than many would consider moderate) but they maintain they're nearly adults, it's their money and therefore theirs to spend on what they please. I've tried to maintain that under my roof certain rules apply, but it's proving a losing battle with takeaway deliveries and goodness knows what tempting younger ones into the older ones rooms. They often do share, but I don't want any of my kids eating that volume of crap.

After trying for months to reason with them I feel as though the next step is to confiscate and destroy on sight. If anyone has any better ideas I'd be keen to hear - or am I just a mad authoritarian?

I suppose the options are

YABU - it's their money, they're nearly adults, don't be such a control freak.

YANBU - your house, your rules, and you need to enforce them.

People will often listen to a doctor over their mum or a family member.

You could at least try, rather than not bothering at all.

They have other health issues and last time I wanted them to see the dr they refused to go in person (I suspect because of the BP reading at the last appointment) the begrudgingly agreed to accepting a phonecall which they then said they were too busy to answer.

They're not going to listen to a doctor, they know they have high BP, having it reconfirmed isn't going to change anything and I cant waste NHS time trying to drag them to appointments that are simply a waste of time.

The only possible thing I feel I have in my arsenal is to be more heavy handed with the binge eating but according to the majority here that's completely unacceptable

I’m with you OP ! It’s not fair on the small ones to be exposed to constant junk food.
Delicious family dinners every day and I’d say only one takeaway allowed per week in the house. Or less ! Your house your rules.

Why are they buying so much junk food? When me and DH started earning money, we would have a takeaway now and then but it wasn't a main focus of now earning.

I think this is a bigger issue than other commenters are acknowledging.

There's clearly a lot more to this than some teenagers buying junk food from their part-time jobs.

What else is going on, OP? You might get some more helpful answers if people knew the backstory.

In fairness, it wasn't obvious that there was more going on until the later posts.

Of course you can’t tell an adult how to spend their own money. That is bonkers. Do you actually take their likes/dislikes into account when cooking family meals? Ordering takeaway would be an absolute last resort for DD if there was absolutely nothing decent in the house - it’s expensive and she’d rather save her money for clothes/holidays/going out. Normally she comes shopping with me and we mutually plan meals for the week.

You’ve created a forbidden fruit environment OP. By restricting ‘junk’ of course the younger ones are desperate to get it. I’ve always had an everything in moderation attitude, chocolate, crisps etc are freely available in our house - as a result I have a 21yo who eats a healthy & balanced diet. She rarely touches junk and is conscious of UPFs, a packet of biscuits for example could lie in our cupboards for months.

Your kids are going to think that you’re nuts, and you won’t have a great relationship with them once they get out from under your insane control.

Did you ever think that their binge eating is caused by the way you parented them? Making any “treat food” such a big no no and restricting them so much?

Your kid is obese, that’s not just some junk food. That’s their diet overall, including whatever you cook and portion size. And their attitude to treat food and junk food is a direct result of the way you raised them.

This is bizarre. Reading between the lines it seems that your older teens have been consuming so much junk for so long their BP is raised and they're over weight to the point of needing XXL/XXXL clothes? How has this gone on for so long?? It sounds like they have real issues with food.

You’re being unreasonable. Also, all that healthy stuff you mentioned turns to sugar in the body. All carbs do.

And the younger ones will end up the exact same if the OP continues with the same parenting style.

You should never make anything “the forbidden fruit.” Everything in moderation, food available in the house throughout their childhood, involving them in meal planning and shopping and making food a fun family activity. Instead, they’ve been controlled and food has become an issue of independence and rule breaking and defiance, and it’s become the desperately wanted forbidden thing so it’s exciting. It’s bad parenting.

I think it would be reasonable to have a rule that certain food items must not be brought into the house, for the sake of everyone's health.

I would suggest the list of banned items could be biscuits, cakes, ice-cream, sweets, crisps, cheap crappy milk chocolate (like Mars bars, Twix, Kitkat etc) and junk takeaways.

It's interesting that they only suddenly have issues with high blood pressure and need XXXXL clothing when the majority of comments disagreed with you.

Absolutely nothing wrong with any of these things in moderation. If OP goes down this ridiculous forbidden fruit route then the younger ones will follow the older ones in terms of obesity and bingeing/sneaking junk when they’re old enough.

Well I disagree. I’d make them responsible for all clothing and phone spending.

and start charging them rent. No one should be spending hundreds on junk food every month because they’re not paying rent 🤷‍♀️

This will naturally cut down the amount of food to spend on treats. Adult responsibilities first, they are old enough.

Having been that teen that you are referring to, I think you should do the following:

• check in with mental health- are they a bit depressed and using food as a crutch?
• keep them busy- are the seeing friends, going out, doing things that other normal teens do?
• offer them choices with dinners - what do they want to eat? Buy it for them.

Controversial but if my teen were clinically obese, eating food in their bedroom and suffering from high blood pressure, I would be investigating monjouro (if they wanted that). It sounds like this is not a regular teen who is just eating a bit too much junk but someone who is really struggling with their weight and making good choices.
i wasted far too much of my youth doing the same and life is for living, not binge eating and being unhappy.

Heavy restriction on the types of food you’re referring to will inevitably lead to overeating it later down the line.
I think also that labelling it as “junk” will be making it more attractive.
It’s just food. Granted it’s less nutritionally valuable than other foods, but it’s still just food.
It’s also really unreasonable to confiscate it. If they want to spend their money on it, that’s their choice. It’s not heroin for goodness sake.
Your snarky comment about having to supply new clothes when their clothes no longer fit? I hope you aren’t commenting to your children about their weight.
As parents, we guide, we lead by example, we teach, we boost them. You just seem to be wanting to order them around and, for older teens, that won’t work and they’ll resent you hugely for it.
Relax a bit and share a pizza with them.

Or alternatively, if it's eliminated from their diet, they might stop craving it and lose the addiction?

There isn't really a backstory, or none that I can think of that would be pertinent to the issue of food addiction. They used to steal snacks from cupboards at home when young so that's why we don't get stuff in unless it's for a reason. When they went to high school their weight gain started, I restricted their lunch money because I would find whole packets of cheap biscuits in their pockets, a lot of wrappers, not just occasionally. Then when they left school and started working they just went mad and for two years have spent most of their money on food. Otherwise stable loving home - no emotional trauma other than perhaps other children being unpleasant at school which seems part of the reason they left and started work.

What was their diet like as kids? Was junk food really restricted?

Sadly and believe me, it can get worse. Hiding and making food a secret is truly awful.

I try and have little mini choc bars/biccies in the house otherwise mine will come back with those jumbo bars!

Are you concerned about their weight/size? Can you encourage exercise etc to offset the junk? But i do appreciate thats really hard.

Thank you for your post -

• check in with mental health- are they a bit depressed and using food as a crutch?

Likely yes, but the binge eating started early and I blame myself for allowing it at that age, grandparents would let them eat multiple chocolate bars and ice creams and I did have snacks in cupboards but they were never there more than 48 hours, I couldn't but a weeks worth and expect them to be there later on. So I think they just really love delicious food! But the effects of that have taken a toll on their mental health and affecting their confidence. I don't know what else I can do.

• keep them busy- are the seeing friends, going out, doing things that other normal teens do?

Sort of, they have a few solitary pursuits and do have a few friends they spend time with but their regular group are not great, they similarly live for takeaways and gaming. I try an encourage spending time with a few other friends but they're boring apparently. They've ditched sports they trained for and I am a broken record trying to get them back into it, that offers community and support but you do have to take it seriously as well, their world is shrinking because of this and I'm starting to panic.

• offer them choices with dinners - what do they want to eat? Buy it for them.

There are very few meals I'm prepared to buy now that they actually eat. I've gone through phases of tailoring meals to their preferences only for them to not eat it, and given the portion I would cook for them it led to a lot of food waste. Or they've just eaten it on top of whatever else they have and I worry I'm just adding more to the problem.

Edited because I forgot to add - it did occur to me about mounjaro but they're so young and still unclear if there are long term side effects, they'll still be young in 5 years and we might know much more. I thought a heavier handed approach at home might be the lesser of the two evils before going down that road

@Pinkyelloworangeandred try not to let the smug MNers on this thread get to you about your parenting.

It's all very well them saying don't restrict, make junk food freely available, but in the real world there are many, many people who are instinctive bingers and cannot exercise sufficient self-control - I know, I am one of them, as is my brother. My mum and sister are not, one of my nephews is. It's taken my brother and I decades to change the way we eat. I still enjoy overeating now and then (especially at Christmas), but it's all homemade, quality food, no junk.

Any thread on here about weight loss or junk food is always divided between the people who will hoover up every bit of chocolate in the house (and therefore can't have it around) and the ones who still have Christmas chocolate in the house at Easter (and it's probably only a feeble bag of coins at that). I don't think the two groups understand each other.

Unfortunately, I don't think there's much you can do except try to support your kids to educate themselves and get out of this pattern when they want to. Given their gaming and likeminded friends, that will be a huge struggle, no point beating around the bush.