Older teens and junk food

[Pinkyelloworangeandred]

I'm at a bit of a loss as to whether I'm being unreasonable or not.

I try and keep junk food, crisps, snacks, sweets, fizzy drinks etc to a minimum in the house. Not in a controlling way, birthday or weekend treats, if we have someone round we will have stuff in but day to day snacks are fruit or yoghurt or some cheese and an oatcake. Now with older teens, they have their own income and often buy all of the above which the younger ones feel is very unfair and it causes a lot of issues.

I wish the older ones were making better choices (and no, this is not a response to not having ready daily access to junk food growing up, they did, probably more so than many would consider moderate) but they maintain they're nearly adults, it's their money and therefore theirs to spend on what they please. I've tried to maintain that under my roof certain rules apply, but it's proving a losing battle with takeaway deliveries and goodness knows what tempting younger ones into the older ones rooms. They often do share, but I don't want any of my kids eating that volume of crap.

After trying for months to reason with them I feel as though the next step is to confiscate and destroy on sight. If anyone has any better ideas I'd be keen to hear - or am I just a mad authoritarian?

I suppose the options are

YABU - it's their money, they're nearly adults, don't be such a control freak.

YANBU - your house, your rules, and you need to enforce them.

I simply cannot afford to buy an xxl/xxxl wardrobe for my teens who have grown out of their xl clothes. I do not have that money. And it is galling to have to when they spend hundreds a month on food that is causing the problem.

Then buy them the very basics from a supermarket and tell them if they want anything else, they need to fund it.

You can't just refuse to clothe your kids.

I don't agree with the pp that it is your job to clothe them. At least not beyond the basics. My mum bought my school uniform / suit for sixth form, underwear and an overcoat. I would sometimes ask for e.g. a pair of Converse for Christmas or birthday, but it would be out of the question to have branded clothing on demand. I spent my weekend job wages on anything else I wanted, and I had very few outfits. Sure, I'd have liked more, but I couldn't afford them, and neither could my mother. It was fine.

Get them one outfit of stretchy athleisure clothes and leave it at that. If they want anything else they can buy it themselves.

YABU, you’re making food an issue, hence why your children are buying “junk” in abundance and spending £££.

We never restricted food, they could have had an abundance of “junk” food however as we never made an issue of it , they simply didn’t bother even tho it was available to them 24/7.

They are both working FT now and they only have “junk” food when out and about with friends/family meals etc.

But are you planning on patting them down and turning out their pockets when they walk in the door? Sniff their water bottles for signs of monster? Hide in the hedge to intercept the food delivery guy?

(Ok this post I think has crossed the smartass line but you do realize that this is a weird idea right?)

I'm sorry OP, but you have to let your older children make their own mistakes re: junk food (and anything else for that matter). All you can do is advise, not dictate.

I cooked 99% of our meals from scratch and junk food was rare when mine were young but now they're older and out and about with their own money I have to let them get on with eating filth.

My heart sinks when I see them making bad choices but they're at an age where they have to take responsibility and hopefully one day they will realise I'm right 😁

I didn't say anything about branded clothing on demand.

The basics are fine. Supermarket brand if needed.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

Health is a huge concern.

Quite how you police it, I have no idea, apart from trying to appeal to their better nature about your very real concerns.

There’s always a compromise somewhere if everyone is reasonable.

All you can do is tell them not to give their unhealthy snacks to the younger ones and tell the younger ones that whilst they are little, they are not allowed to eats lots of junk food. When they are older, they will be able to choose themselves just like their older siblings.

You older kids shouldn’t have the same rules as your younger kids in many other ways (such as bedtimes, tech, what they’re allowed to watch etc) so it shouldn’t be a difficult concept for them to understand, surely?

@Pinkyelloworangeandred My teen keeps buying junk with his money, but I've told him if he eats it in front of me or his younger siblings then he has to share!

Plus no food in his room either!

If I feel he is eating too much junk, he gets a raised eyebrow and reminded that although I don't mind him eating junk, just keep it balanced. He does LOTS of sports to be fair.

I am a foster carer and although I can encourage/suggest the young people I care for what they do with their pocket money I would not be allowed to stop them buying snacks or treats, either with any money from a part time job or when younger from their pocket money. I guess it is has never been a major issue because they do have had some access to "junk food" when younger. But if I stopped someone spending their own money on a tube of pringles I'd be in major trouble with the authorities!

You'll force them into hiding their treats and in turn eat in secret which could result in issues with food.

If only a raised eyebrow were enough. Last time one of them was at the Dr's for something else they took their blood pressure and said it was high, they're not even 18. I was told to make another appointment about the BP but I haven't bothered because what's the point? They already know their health is impacted and there's nothing I can do about it.

They have issues with food, genuinely, how much worse of an issue can it really be?

It isn't ideal and I wouldn't like it either but it is probably a phase and they will want to eat a bit more healthily as they get older. I don't think you can be so controlling as to confiscate and destroy the food they have bought with their own money.

You seem to be beating around the bush are they already overweight?

Anyway, I disagree with the majority here. I wouldn't have takeaways being eaten every night in my house. If they want to eat like that tell them they need to go out and do it because it's setting a really poor example for your younger children. Not to mention I couldn't sit there watching my children eat that way.

You haven't bothered to book them for an important follow up appointment because there's "no point"? I'm sorry, but that's not good enough.

The general consensus on here seems to be it's ok to let your DC have as much junk food as they want, so long as you are giving them healthy meals and they aren't overweight. Otherwise you risk them developing a terrible relationship with food, apparently. I really struggle with this so I hear you OP. My DC is 12 and if given say £5 will buy 3 share bags of Haribo and a can of fizz and consume the lot within one day. I don't see how that can be ok and I try very hard to limit it but that is not easy as they get older and have more freedom and a little bit of cash. It makes me sad that where in the past if hungry between meals they would go to the kitchen and come back with a couple of pieces of fruit and a yoghurt, now its just sweets all the way. I don't think confiscation is the answer but I don't know what is. I did go through a similar phase myself but not until I was late teens and I became quite overweight for a few years. I don't think this is uncommon at all - young people can easily burn all the extra calories but when they grow up that stops being the case. There is a reason so much of the population is overweight and expectations that it's ok to ea sweets and crisps every day set down in childhood can't possibly help. I know this won't be popular but it is what I believe and I wish there was an answer.

This sounds like it’s a much bigger problem than teenagers buying a bit of junk food with their Saturday job money.

Are you saying that your older teenager(s) are clinically obese with high blood pressure and a food addiction?

If so, then I’d reach out to your GP for support.

There's a middle ground. My kids are both over 18 but still living at home and partially funded by us (as students). I don't tell them what to eat but I do encourage them to eat healthily. I also expect them not to fill up on snacks if I'm cooking a meal.

On MN, every teenager is completely independent from about 14 and doing their own cooking and laundry as well as making their own food choices. Meanwhile in the real world most people know that parenting doesn't have a hard stop- it's more gradual than that, as they adjust to more freedom and less support over time.

I also think that all those early years of healthy meals will have done their job- you've given them a baseline idea of what normal eating should be like- so a couple of years of Monster drinks and McDs will probably be all it is before they come back to eating normally.

Just seen your mention of BP- that is concerning in a teen and I'd be getting more involved, but that needs to be done as more support not confiscating their snacks.

If they are literally spending hundreds a month on takeaways then clearly this is a problem,

where are they getting the money from?

usually teens get pocket money and/or an allowance which is meant to cover phone/gym/clothes.

if they actually have a part time job then you should ask them to pay for clothes out of their own money.

if they are significantly overweight or you suspect an eating disorder (eg bulimia) then obviously that is different and you and they need to access support for that.

i do feel for you as my DD gained a load of weight at uni and mostly ate takeaways as far as I can tell but simply banning takeaways if they have the money for them won’t get you anywhere

What do you think will happen at that follow up appointment? Be advised on lifestyle changes they are already aware of? Drag them physically? They know they need a follow up appointment - they're either mature and responsible enough to not need parental intervention or they're not.

People keep saying "more support" concretely what on earth does that mean?! They have a gymn membership they don't use. I've offered to buy non edible treats to encourage them to take up some of their sporting activities they used to do. What the hell else am I suppose to do?

I have no idea what a GP can do