Older teens and junk food

[Pinkyelloworangeandred]

I'm at a bit of a loss as to whether I'm being unreasonable or not.

I try and keep junk food, crisps, snacks, sweets, fizzy drinks etc to a minimum in the house. Not in a controlling way, birthday or weekend treats, if we have someone round we will have stuff in but day to day snacks are fruit or yoghurt or some cheese and an oatcake. Now with older teens, they have their own income and often buy all of the above which the younger ones feel is very unfair and it causes a lot of issues.

I wish the older ones were making better choices (and no, this is not a response to not having ready daily access to junk food growing up, they did, probably more so than many would consider moderate) but they maintain they're nearly adults, it's their money and therefore theirs to spend on what they please. I've tried to maintain that under my roof certain rules apply, but it's proving a losing battle with takeaway deliveries and goodness knows what tempting younger ones into the older ones rooms. They often do share, but I don't want any of my kids eating that volume of crap.

After trying for months to reason with them I feel as though the next step is to confiscate and destroy on sight. If anyone has any better ideas I'd be keen to hear - or am I just a mad authoritarian?

I suppose the options are

YABU - it's their money, they're nearly adults, don't be such a control freak.

YANBU - your house, your rules, and you need to enforce them.

I will never understand the "Oh, give them plenty of junk food at home, otherwise they'll get addicted to junk food when they're older" line. I suspect it's total bollocks.

Or maybe I should start giving my 10 year old a glass of wine a night to ensure he doesn't become a raging alcoholic when he's older? 😆

I think you need to work with the GP to find the underlying cause of the binge eating. I don’t think heavy handedness will work, they’ll just secretly binge.

The later you leave it, the harder it will be to tackle, as you’re already discovering. And then once they leave home you will have no way to help them at all and their obesity will severely shorten their lifespan.

GLP1’s are not new, they have been being diagnosed for many years to diabetics so any long term side effects are known. The GP may think it’s worth a try?

Which poster said give them plenty of junk food?

Also, what are their other health issues OP? Could those health issues be linked to overeating?

I hated this once they had their own money to spend, but ultimately it is their money and their bodies.

DS1 is now 25 and eats what I'd call a sensible varied diet again now. DS2 is 22 and Im still waiting for him to come out the other side.

Allergies, mostly likely to dust and fragrance which we stay on top of avoid but possibly dietary also, started as a baby and I tried to eliminate dairy and wheat which I think helped a bit (also I was responsible for putting the treatment on, so may also have been that) getting worse now, could be diet related, could be poor management

A couple have said things like it's unreasonable not to allow daily crisps and biscuits and not to have stuff available

Do you have issues with food, OP?

Really? Aren’t most people saying everything in moderation, don’t make anything forbidden because then it’s a temptation and they turn into this.

Everything in moderation and allowing them to enjoy food and have fun with it and cook together as a family etc is not the same as “unlimited junk food.”

Again, it’s just poor parenting if you don’t understand the difference because you’re again showing that it’s all or nothing with you. You don’t understand just having it available because you think it means shoving it down their throats everyday.

Just leave them alone.
If they want to eat this stuff, they definitely will, now or later.

So they likely buy junk because they don’t have it at home? My teen doesn’t buy junk from the shops (maybe the odd pack of sweets) because we have chocolate bars, crisps and biscuits at home. I have no issues with her coming in from school and having a chocolate bar or packet of crisps. She eats her meals, she plays sports. If they’re overweight then yes maybe this is an issue but they’ll only do something about if they feel they need to, or when they are ready to do so.

I can’t imagine having no nice snacks in the cupboard and my kids only being able to eat fruit etc but that’s just my opinion.

is it unreasonable not letting a 17 year old have crisps or biscuits each day? Yes! Unless they’re a professional athlete. They are nearly adults!

Would be great if you read the thread before commenting. You clearly haven't.

If it’s their own money then I think you should let them make their own choices about how to spend it. That’s developmentally appropriate and they need to learn how to budget and self-regulate. They can’t do that if you insist on controlling everything. I would explain to the younger ones that their siblings are older than they are and therefore have more money and more agency over how they spend it. Tell the older ones to keep their junk food away from the younger ones and not share it with them unless you’ve given permission.

I have read it. We’re telling you to work on moderation and teach them how to self police like that, from a young age. And you’re hearing it as, “allow as much junk as they want all their childhood.”

But I have two very healthy, fit, strong sporty boys (who also spend a lot of time sitting on their backsides due to chess practice and gaming) and you have overweight kids with high blood pressure. We have very different parenting styles when it comes to food and how relaxed we are about it and about not creating “forbidden items” but you don’t seem to want to listen to anyone about that. Just sayin… your way didn’t really work out well, did it?

3 teen boys all into sport and healthy eating. I simply don't buy sugary cereals, crisps, biscuits or chocolate. There is always plenty of fruit, which has natural sugar anyway, veg sticks and hummus in fridge plus snacks like cheese, pepperoni sticks or sometimes hard boiled eggs or they can make scrambled eggs on toast or baked beans on toast if they can't wait until dinner.

That isn’t how young children’s brains work..

My goodness, do you just come here to be nasty? I've said several times they were allowed free access throughout their childhood, the only restrictions now are in recent years we don't regularly get stuff in. They didn't learn moderation when their grandparents let them have 2 icecreams a chocolate bar and a chippie. I took the relaxed approach. For years. But you're just here to be cruel.

Ironically the younger ones with more restrictions are exhibiting better ability to self regulate than the older ones.

How do they learn self regulation? Some never do.

Yes, @Pinkyelloworangeandred the solution is simple, go back in time and be a good parent like SargeMarge, and you too will have loinfruit who are international chess masters and look like Apollo (from Gladiators). Just sayin...

What is their teeth like? Could you take it from a dental angle rather than weight.

Different circumstances as I was early teens so it was mum feeding me this processed shit and Dad bought me energy drinks. However, I went to the the dentist and needed about 5 fillings due to the cavities, that gave my parents a huge kick up the arse. It was also a very painful experience for me.

I think the only reason I didn't put on weight was because I was very sporty.

So basically you have some rather fat teenagers, I think is the picture?
Does "nearly adult" mean 2 who are 17yo, where do they get their spending money from?

In my experience, if you instilled proper nutrition when they were younger they grow out of it.

Are you really having to replace clothes from XL to XXL or XXXL dye to snacking? I can't work out if it's truth or hyperbole.

My son is 18 and spends his money on whatever he likes. We provide main meals (he often chooses to buy lunch though) but he clothes himself, pays for his own phone contract and gym membership. He eats a fucktonne of crap (yesterday the UberEats guy dropped off £20 of crisps, Ben&Jerry's and chocolate) but he rations it and also works out regularly as well as walking to work for his shifts.

He is T1D so he HAS to consume a fair whack of sugar, but his teen sisters are pretty similar. Fairly self-regulating, balanced with regular exercise. I can't see them eating so much they're changing clothes size.

Do your children see moderation in practice? Can you up their financial responsibility for themselves so they understand about budgeting a proportion of their money on 'nonsense spends'? Peer perception is so important at that age - are they not at all concerned sbout their appearance?

Why would their grandparents giving them a treat be a reflection of them learning moderation?

Can I ask OP, how old are the older children? You say there's BP issue - are they overweight or obese?

Ultimately I can understand your frustration which is presumably why you come across as being a bit fed up with it and deciding to bin all the junk food. But that isnt the answer.

Have you had a proper, sit down chat about this with the child? Calmly, no shouting, listening to what they say / what their views are?

As for comments around being pointless to go back to GP following high BP and not knowing what the GP can do - well thats rather the point isnt it? I assume youre not a GP or a therapist specialising in food addiction so there is likely a lot they can do youre not aware of

Out of interest OP, are you slim / ever suffered with obesity etc? Because its not as simple as the child not being bothered to change, or being lazy, or undisciplined, as seems to have been suggested by comments on here.

I was one of those teens. I was obsessed with being skinny, probably eating disorder adjacent, worked my arse off to stay a size 10. Not helped by a mother with her own issues and a 'feast or famine' approach to food. Got to sixth form and all of a sudden life got busier, studying rather than going out. More study periods to go to the shop. Friends who were driving so less walking.

Went to university, it continued. Diets, on and off, years and years. Im 30, 5 foot 3 and in may last year was 19stone 10pounds. Ive lost almost 5stone now. Yes on mounjaro but a lot of work besides

Im also in addiction recovery and view it similarly to that. It didn't matter how unfit I was or how many comments I had, I had to make the decision to change, just like with the drink. I.had to get the strength to pull myself up and throw myself back into the ring for one more attempt when all the other attempts had failed. It was a mindset thing, and nothing anyone could say or do would do that for me.

Its also intuitive eating. Yes the mounjaro would have had an impact, of course it has. But feeling like I 'shouldn't' eat X or 'mustnt' have more than one of Y just made me want to put 2 fingers up to the diet plan and binge. Ive learnt to eat intuitively, I've a box full of crisps, chocolate etc in my cupboard (that people buy and I rarely get through), im for the first time in my life able to eat 1 and not have any more.

Also dont forget a lot of these foods have been designed to be addictive, to encourage overeating.

I dont know what the answer is, really. Definitely GP, possibly counselling, probably speaking to the child and seeing what they want. Using some motivational interviewing skills to get them thinking about their goals and whether current actions is moving them closer or further away from that

But one things for sure. Confiscating food will do nothing but cause an atmosphere, may actually exacerbate the problem and is likely to cause a rebellious 2 fingers up attitude towards you. It certainly wont get you the result you want.