I was called a Spinster at work today, I was really offended.

[Seahorses12]

I do one day a week volunteer work, and today a woman I work with who I don't know very well asked me if I was married or had children. I replied that I wasn't and didn't have kids and she said disparagingly 'Oh, so your a Spinster. I have an aunt who's a Spinster.' It's such a horrible, judgemental term with negative connotations. No one has ever used it to my face before. I have a reasonably successful career behind me and I like my independance. I've had long term relationships with men but I'm currently single and have a lot of single friends. I feel belittled by this comment. AIBU?

For stating a fact?

You wouldn’t want to work with kids, especially autistic kids as they would not see an issue with stating facts to you.

The lady is not originally from this country and as other PPs have said they also didn’t realise it was offensive.

Sometimes you just can’t be so sensitive.

It's been partially "reclaimed" now, at least in US English. One of the many Twitter competitors that sprung up when Twitter went full-on fash was banning women for criticising rape and sex trafficking is a "women-first social network" called Spinster.

It’s old fashioned but not offensive, I’m guessing with her not being English she isn’t aware the term is no longer in common usage. Perhaps the equivalent is in Bulgaria. You still see it in period pieces so will confuse non English speakers

You’re not offended because it was on your marriage certificate so it seemed funny, but if you never married and thirty or forty years later someone called you that you might very well have been offended. It has negative connotations and is very antiquated. It has an aging aspect to it. No one actually sees a pretty, unmarried woman of 25 and thinks spinster, you would just say they’re single. It’s outdated and in my opinion disrespectful. Batchelor has always had a more positive spin to it (though still rather old fashioned in this day and age). I doubt any of us on here would call a colleague a spinster to their face because we know it sounds rude and bitchy. (I’m not a ‘spinster’ but have never liked the expression).

A spinster?

I’d have laughed in her face, and would be coming up with anachronisms for the rest of the day.

”Helen, could you lend me a groat?”
”Can I have a go on the spinning Jenny after you, Helen?”
”What of the clock is it, Helen? I don’t want you to miss your brougham.”

I think it’s one of those things that is only deemed to be offensive on Mumsnet, rather than in real life, because people here find offence in almost anything they can.

I would have laughed out loud. What an oddly old fashioned turn of phrase.

YANBU

I’m proud to be a spinster. Never married. Lived with several men. Three kids.

To each her own. She’s comparing you to social norms. But not all of us want to comply. And to quote Groucho Marks: ‘Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants to live in an institution’.

TBF I’m tired of relationship status words encroaching into vocabulary: ‘single mother, divorcee, in a relationship with…’ etc. I don’t give two hoots about someone’s relationship status. They’re just them.

Also tired of people viewing divorce, or no longer living with a coparent, as a ‘failed marriage/relationship’. If you’re happier alone and accept all good things come to end, it’s not a failure to move on. IMHO failure is being stuck with someone who makes you miserable.

Exactly. To me spinster falls in to the same derogatory category. Would people tell a single mother to not be so sensitive because her children are, technically, bastards? Some words that were common a long time ago simply have no place in the modern world.

Doesn’t having kids mean you’re not a spinster? It’s more a term for never married or had kids.

If you don't act on it though, you're just silently seething.

If you're offended, say 'That is incredibly rude.' which is slightly less offensive in the workplace than 'Fuck off breeder.'

I was married at 19 and it says spinster on my marriage certificate. I just means single in legal language nothing to worry about

Me too! I have in fact once laughed back at a bloke heading in that derogatory direction, querying my marital status, goading him with 'Definitely! Spinster of the parish!' (2015, at the photocopier, he was irritated at having to wait for me LOL).

DGAF what some boring conventional thinks of me.

I think I would have just laughed it off and said something like ‘wow! That’s such an old fashioned word!’

Yes my first marriage certificate says I was a spinster on it. It is still used legally I believe or it was until very recently.

I thought on official docs (until replaced with single) it meant never married. But I may be wrong. I guess it dates to a time when having kids out of wedlock would cause such pearl clutching you’d hide it or be called a harlot or suchlike.

It does have negative connotations today and is usually used in a derogatory way. By ignorant people of course. If there’s a next time, beam with pride, as the original ‘spinsters’ were successful and financially independent women 🤷🏻‍♀️

2005

Tinkly laugh: Well, yes, I suppose I am - in the same way that you’re clearly a Chattel!

Agree, it was/is used in an ageist way. And also with the implication that a woman of such status had been rejected as marriage material by men: ‘left on the shelf’ in a male candy shop. Whereas bachelor has the opposite connotation: a man who hasn’t yet chosen a woman.

This in a nutshell!

II was today years old when I heard the term "thornback" for an unmarried lady over 26!! Love it

Because it was always pejorative.

It meant "a woman who couldn't catch a man" even in it's earliest use. Being a spinster was not deemed to be a choice, it was deemed to be a failure.

Or a fallen woman.

Although this woman had spent formative childhood years in Bulgaria, she said she is a former barrister, trained in law in the UK, so language and understanding of language is not an issue for her.