Being intimate while kids are downstairs

[LuckyAmberShark]

Hi everyone!

DH came upstairs today while I was getting dressed and tried to initiate sex while our two boys were downstairs. Both are kids are neurodiverse, our 8yo has complex needs (attends a specialist school etc) and our 4yo
is on the pathway for autism/adhd/hyperactivity.

DH said they were happy and settled on their tablets and that we had some time. And that it was exciting with the threat of being caught. I felt uncomfortable with this, and told him I couldn’t relax and enjoy it so I declined. DH has been off with me all day since and is sulking and grunting when I talk to him.

AIBU? Or prudish? It just doesn’t feel right to me. If they were in bed asleep then great! But they could have hurt themselves? Or escaped out the front door?

Sulking is a massive turn off for next time and I'd have said the same. Excitement of getting caught by kids borders on safeguarding.

There is no way I would do this! Let him sulk. Honestly the excitement from being caught by your two children? That’s weird to say the least.

threat of being caught by kids????? Absolutely vile!

Exciting that you might get caught by children
Not ok. Fuck sake.

Completely agree with this

Nailed it.

Eeeeww at the getting caught being exciting when it's your young kids. Massive ick from the sulking too

You weren’t comfortable. You have every right to say no.
A man who sulks when he doesn’t get sex is extremely unattractive.

The thrill of getting caught by your prepubescent children? Sorry OP, that makes my flesh creep.

Absolutely not unreasonable.

Exciting to get caught by kids is gross.

It doesn’t border on it - it crosses the line right over into safeguarding

It's completely inappropriate and you are right.

The sulking and grunting is actually considered abusive behaviour as it is part of coercion/control. By behaving off with you, he is trying to push you to do what you don't want to do in order to stop him being grumpy and giving a version of the silent treatment. It is punishment for not doing what he wants.

In the context of sexual intimacy, coercive and controlling behaviour is sexual abuse. If a person is being exposed to that type of behaviour by their intimate partner they are unable to consent because of the power imbalance. In relationships, people often don't seem to realise this as it can be quite covert.

I am sure he can wait until they've gone to bed and you can both get busy then?
Otherwise no, not appropriate if they're left unattended downstairs.

That’s literally turned my stomach. Major concerns.

That’s a massive safeguarding concern for me.

The reason you didn’t want sex was valid. However, for whatever reason you decline, he shouldn’t behave like an entitled prick. Ugh, what a complete turnoff.

What’s more, the very idea that he’s turned on at the thought of his children watching is very disturbing.

Agree with PP, no e of this is ok.

That he didn't care that your kids were safe.

That he finds the thought of your own children catching you, a turn on

That he sulks when you don't want to have sex, for hours.

None of this is normal or healthy

Ask him to actually properly think about being caught by his children. I’m really hoping he was thinking caught ‘in general’ which is a common fantasy and will be horrified by himself

that aside (a big aside!) I’d be ok with sex if I was confident they were distracted but would seek us if needed and door locked.
they shouldn’t be able to get out of the front door regardless of where you are, put a better lock on
what do they do that might hurt them? Minimise it.

Yes I was on DH side until this.

I've definitely had a quicky while DC were watching TV but this is odd. Hopefully just awkward phrasing.

How can you be on DH side about any of this?
Are you saying that at some point OP was unreasonable for not wanting sex?

If you didn’t want to, you didn’t want to. It doesn’t matter why

I thought:, he was horny, the kids were happy and occupied - perfect opportunity!

I personally am exhausted at the end of the day after doing bedtime etc so mostly have sex in the day time. Normally during naps or lunch breaks, but as I said, sometimes when the DC are glued to the TV and I know they don't go anywhere.

Obviously I am not on his side with anything that followed the failed attempted initiation.

There’s nothing wrong with a quickie if both parties are up for it and the kids are safely occupied. However like others have said the excitement of being caught is gross when it comes to your own children. There’s no bigger turn off than the idea that you might be interrupted by your DC. Sulking as a result is really childish too. He’s aloud to be disappointed but that kind of reaction would make me want to have sex with him so much less. If he wants you to desire him sexually he should probably stop acting like a child

He is seriously disturbed.