Being intimate while kids are downstairs

[LuckyAmberShark]

Hi everyone!

DH came upstairs today while I was getting dressed and tried to initiate sex while our two boys were downstairs. Both are kids are neurodiverse, our 8yo has complex needs (attends a specialist school etc) and our 4yo
is on the pathway for autism/adhd/hyperactivity.

DH said they were happy and settled on their tablets and that we had some time. And that it was exciting with the threat of being caught. I felt uncomfortable with this, and told him I couldn’t relax and enjoy it so I declined. DH has been off with me all day since and is sulking and grunting when I talk to him.

AIBU? Or prudish? It just doesn’t feel right to me. If they were in bed asleep then great! But they could have hurt themselves? Or escaped out the front door?

Some of the posters that would happily have sex whilst their kids are downstairs awake on their tablets is seriously making me feel sick!!! Am I prudish or is this normal? How can you possibly get in the mood? I found that so gross

Disgusting that he would get a thrill of kids finding out. How mortifying and the 8 year old would always remember

Excitement of being caught by DC is horrifying. I would never want to go near him again.

YANBU.

What a repulsive thing for him to say. The possibility of getting caught in the act does turn some people on but him getting excited about being caught in the act by his own primary school aged children is utterly repellent and disturbing.

That would probably be relationship ending for me.

I am a bloke and agree with you.

And that it was exciting with the threat of being caught.

Jesus. Exciting that your own child might catch you shagging.

🙁

Sounds like a massive thrill. Does he wear tracksuits, lots of jewellery and smoke cigars? When his children come in and catch you, does he say “Dad’ll fix it for you, and you and you”?

"So, how did your 4 year old manage to (insert nasty accident) and where were you when it happened?" I'm with op, small kids awake it is not appropriate behaviour.

A bit strange that everyone’s jumped to the conclusion that OP’s husband is a creepy weirdo. There’s been no follow up explanation but maybe he meant it’d be exciting that they’ve have to be quick and quiet, not that he was getting turned on by the thought of his kids watching, Jesus.

Playing devils advocate, if I was in the mood, it was 10-15 mins and the kids were fine, why not? Sulking was a bit childish but we don’t know if OP rejected him harshly and how many times it’s happened. I’d have a chat with him to explain so he understands why you said no and maybe make the effort to initiate the next time you get the chance. It’s on both parties to keep the spark going.

Yes it does mine :/

I wouldn’t either

A quickie whilst the kids are definitely busy is fine, if you're both ok with it.
I'd be disgusted and horrified if my husband said he's turned on by the fact they may catch us. He's sick.

I wouldn't want to get by anyone - especially kids.
Could you not have locked the door ?

I’m sure he didn’t mean he was excited you might get caught, he probably meant the fact you obviously have to be quick and quiet or something like that!! Saying that I don’t know how men can do it with any possibility of being heard, Id be too on edge and yes the grumpiness because you wouldn’t is ridiculous! Men!!

Not gross to me. Kids downstairs, door locked - what’s the difference between that and them being in bed (even closer than when they’re downstairs). Not as if we’re swinging from the chandeliers…

You didn’t fancy it and that’s all there is to it. Sulking because your partner doesn’t want to have sex at that particular moment is pathetic.
I’m also with the others who believe that the husband didn’t mean he was turned on by the thought of his kids watching.

Sometimes men just say the grossest things.

Turned on at the thought of getting caught means it's all about the thrill of him getting caught and his gratification. Selfish, essentially.

That's not a man thinking about how to make it good for you, its a man looking for a wank receptacle.

Don't even get me started on the caught by kids. It's even well covered how repulsive it is.

He was excited at the idea of being caught by YOUNG CHILDREN. Let that sink in for a moment. Absolutely vile.

I think posters are more grossed out by the idea that OPs husband is aroused at the thought of their young children catching them having sex. Surely you can see/understand how gross that is?

Not sure what you’re going on about. I replied directly to a poster who asked if it was normal to want to have sex while kids are awake downstairs. Why would I bring up OP’s husband when the post I was replying to had nothing to do with that?

Well the ' thrill of being caught by the kids thing is wierd.
If I was in the mood I'd be up for a quickie whilst the kids were distracted downstairs.

No. Yuck. YANBU at all.

Extra minus points to him for sulking about it.

@LuckyAmberShark i think you made a massive mistake mentioning the thrill of getting caught thing - unless of course you suspect your husband might actually harbour sexual fantasies that feature your children because if that’s the case, you’ve got far bigger problems…

You weren't comfortable having sex then. End of story

His sulking and grunting is coercive behaviour because you said no to sex. He thinks if he's mean enough about it, next time you'll have sex to avoid his nastiness.

And yes, him being excited by the thought of your kids catching you in the act is weird and creepy.