To ask would you assume if someone didn’t have a child at 30

[Cinema777]

They were unlikely to be a mum

OP what are you hoping from this thread? It's ok for you to be this age and to feel sad that you don't have a child if that's how you feel.

No 😆 most people around here wait until at least 30. Id probably assume around 40.

What an idiotic post, OP.

I have two DC. I didn’t have either of them at 30.

OP, I think context might be helpful, otherwise you'll continue to be flamed by people who think the opinion is yours...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5480976-to-feel-sad-that-there-is-a-very-limited-window-where-iota-deemed-as-good-to-have-kids?reply=150089287

I would assume they were part of the attention seeking generation (which to me as a gen Xer is massively unattractive)

Of course not

That would be completely illogical, given the average age to have a first child is now 31.

I wouldn't assume anything.

Nothing, I'm not so ignorant as to think that there could be multiple reasons for being child-free, and until I have more information, I should not speculate.

Assumptions/presumptions by people are some of the main annoyances I have with us humans.

Heavens, I'm in my mid 30s and no one is my immediate friendship group has had a child yet. Only one person is now trying. 35 is widely viewed as just getting ready in my area. One of the first people in my year level at school had a baby in her late 20s.

Firstly, other people's life choices regarding children are entirely their own, and I wouldn't presume to speculate or ask them.

However, if you're asking about yourself, women do have first babies older than that, and can go on having them until they hit menopause, as long as they're reasonably healthy. My mother was 30 when she had my brother, and 44 having me. I was 36 when I had my third child.

If you desperately want a child but have no partner, that is still a possibility, people do, but be very sure you could manage financially and emotionally on your own, and think about what you tell your child later in life.

No. Almost none of my social circle had children at 30. Now in our early 50s about three quarters of us do.

I suspect the statistics would show if you are single and childless at 30 then the odds would shorten to that person ever becoming a parent, yes. I personally think there is going to be a big spike in the number of single childless people in their 40s in ten years time due to many social factors of the 21st century.

I didn't even want kids at 30! My "biological clock" (😝) kicked in around 32, met my DP around 36, had DC1 at 38 and DC2 at 40.

So no, I would Never assume!

I would also add, if you want to have a child, IMO you need to deliberately set about trying to make it happen. I haven't read your other thread, Op, so don't know if you're with a partner but if not first step is to get out there and find one, obviously! Join clubs, get sociable, put yourself out there. Make it clear on dates what you have in mind for your future so you're both clear. Biological factors aside there is no reason why at 30 you wouldn't have 12-15 years left to find a suitable partner and start a family, but the initial deciding factor is YOU taking charge.

I know a woman in her early-mid 40s who is grieving her lack of children and the life she'll never have as she'd "never fallen in love", but when I asked her why she never even considered partnering with an amenable man more for the shared purpose of having a family she was aghast... Couldn't even conceive of the idea (scuse the pun) so that was that. 🤷‍♀️

Life doesn't always happen in the idealised way we might have imagined in our teens/twenties but it's almost always salvageable!

Of course not. I and almost everyone I know had their first child after the age of 30.

I was the first in my closest social circle to have a baby, I was 34 when ds was born, one of my friends had her first last year at 39. Most of my friends now have children and we are all early 40s, none of us had a baby at 30

Following on from that, I wholeheartedly agree with this! At the root of my decision I was always fully prepared to be a single parent as having children was my priority.

(Luckily enough DP and I are still together though!)

Terribly worded question.

I would assume someone who didn’t have kids isn’t a parent, yes.

If you mean will they become a parent then no I wouldn’t assume anything about anyone’s reproductive plans. Plenty of time to have a child, also totally fine if not. None of my business!

I had 2 kids by 30 and people who met me were always surprised (I look young to be fair). Average FTM age here early 30s.

No. The age of first time mothers has risen over the years, and now it’s unusual to be a first time mum the wrong side of thirty.

Twenty five years ago, you felt your clock started ticking after thirty, but that doesn’t seem the case nowadays.

Yeah, agree with this!

Are you having a hard time OP?

Why are you asking this? Has someone said it to you? Or do you believe after 30 life is impossible?

My sister once had a meltdown because she couldn't afford her wedding/house by 24 and therefore would be an "old mum" because she thought she should be having them all by 26-28.

Assumptions a person could make :

don’t want kids

fertility issues

lesbian

not found the right man

focusing on their career

wanting to live a bit before getting tied down to a family

busy either travelling / hobbies

they’re trans

going through the adoption process

The list is endless when you start speculating about someone else’s life choices!!!!

But - I actually wouldn’t make any of these assumptions if I met a 30 year old women without children - as I just take people as they are and respect we all do things differently . Would be more interested in talking to you about what you want to chat about and getting to know you than judging you against an imaginary ‘standard of 30year old womanhood’

there is no right age to have kids nor does every woman have to procreate.

stop worrying about what others are thinking and focus on what you want from your life and find ways to achieve your goals.

I would assume they lived in London, where hardly anyone in my social circle had a child before 30.

I’m not really 100% sure if this is fact checked but I did read somewhere that the average age of a first time mum is closer to 31 in the UK at the moment

I know a handful of people who had children in their early 20’s but the majority of us were in our later 20’s and early 30’s

I was 27 with my first DC and I’m 30 and currently pregnant with my second. I feel quite young. I was the youngest in my antenatal group at 27 and the majority were 35-40

I do not look at a young 30 year old and “assume” she wouldn’t have kids now that she’s 30

If you asked me at 18 I would have said I would hate to be an “older mum” at 30 but being 30 now I realise how young I still am

That doesn’t mean that if you want to have kids your chances are only 50/50 when you get to 30 though.

All the people who don’t want kids and make sure they don’t have any are within the people who “don’t have any kids at 30” and make up a proportion of the 50% who then never have kids.

👆

i don’t know anyone in my wider circle of friends and acquaintances who had a child before 30.