To not enjoy eating out with my kids?

[GratedCarrotandCheese]

DC are 6, 6 and 3. We went out for lunch today, nothing fancy, local Italian, a main course, one drink and pudding each, and it was £100.

Which is a lot of money, and I'm not specifically complaining about that really, more that it's a lot to spend when at the moment it still just feels stressful rather than enjoyable.

The food was nice, but it just feels like it's a huge effort to try and keep entertaining the kids while you wait to order, wait for drinks, wait for main, wait for main to be cleared and order dessert, wait for dessert. And ask the way through, dealing with squabbling etc.

We know all the tricks, so bring sticker books, quiet games etc but it's still a lot of effort and money.

However, I guess if we don't persevere then they'll never learn the skills and we'll never be able to enjoy a nice relaxing, leisurely meal.

What do other people do? Are their kids just easier? Do you just go for really cheap places so it doesn't feel so painful?

Having a drink and a cake in a cafe is just about bearable, but it's all the waiting round that just seems to make restaurant meals not really viable. I was hoping we'd be through this annoying stage by now!

Any tips about the type of places to go, or stories about when it gets better? It seems a real shame as I absolutely love eating out and used to do it all the time before kids.

We don't do it very often, about every 2 or 3 months maybe, which is perhaps part of the problem, but we don't really have the budget for more frequent meals out for all of us (or there's days out that are much more enjoyable that I'd rather spend on).

AIBU and miserable or does anyone else just not like eating out with kids?

I can’t stand eating out with my kids 😂 but that’s mainly because of the astronomical cost. I just end up thinking about what else we could have done with the money lol. We do it rarely, kids birthdays etc. But yeah I find it hard to “enjoy” it!

So dont eat out? They can learn table manners at home surely, its not that big a deal?

Ive always enjoyed taking mine out, not having to cook and clear up was a chance to connect, talk and play games like eye spy but if its not enjoyable then just do something else.

A compromisd could be a supermarket cafe, they are often cheap and cheerful but serve proper food - mine used to see it as a treat nonetheless, and a reward for behaving in the supermarket

I think your expectations are too high. Does it work better at a certain time of day? Brunch or lunch is always better than dinner.

And unfortunately it might not get any better. Their very young children behaviour may be replaced by sibling bickering which also makes that £100 feel like a waste of money. We’ve walked out of a few places before ordering (or when still cancellable) when it was clear it was not going to work out.

We just didn’t bother at that age. I used to love eating out too, but it soon dawned on me that it’s boring for young children, they don’t get the social aspect of it. They are 16 & 14 now and whilst they are good company at dinner, we still don’t bother often because invariably they want the fillet steak, so a meal for 4 of us costs about £200!

Yes this is part of it, for £100 we could have all gone to the zoo or something, which would have been all day, and definitely much much lower stress (there would have still been fighting, but it's just much lower pressure overall).

I’m a single parent with an 8 year old boy and I absolutely love it but I can imagine with multiple kids it’s less fun and more money . Maybe just don’t until they’re a bit older?

Maybe they're too high, I just feel like if I'm spending £100 I want to feel like it was fun!

This was lunch, but brunch has been the same (or actually sometimes worse in that they're not as hungry so you feel like it's really wasted money).

A supermarket cafe is a good shout.

We eat meals mostly all together, sat at the table etc so table manners are fine to get from that, I was just thinking that they need practice in all the waiting around that restaurants involve, and it won't get better without practice, but maybe they will just age into it. Although not good news that they will still be fighting and might want fillet steak! 😂

YANBU.

I quite enjoy taking my three (4, 2, 8m) out for lunch, but only if I’m on my own or maybe with my husband. Add anyone else into the mix and I don’t like it. I think I just need to laser focus and not have anyone distracting me, as if my back is turned for a moment it might all go to seed. So, I suppose I like the thrill of the challenge (worth it for no washing up) rather than a nice relaxing leisurely meal. 😂

Stick to coffee and cake etc in family friendly restaurants

they’re very little.

teach them table manners in your house where there is no pressure.

meals in naice places are for once you’ve worked your way through lesser places like cafes and fast food restaurants etc… once they can reliably sit and eat in low key places, then you can try more ‘grown up’ places.

until they are ‘trained’ - get a babysitter if you want to go out for a nice lunch and then you can have an hour to yourself and enjoy it rather than being up to your eyes in wet wipes and arguing kids with crayons and stickers all over the table.

I feel there is a real rush to do everything with kids when they are tiny - (people taking them for long meals, long theatre shows etc) sometimes it makes more sense to just wait to do these things when they are a bit bigger with longer attention spans and ability to behave appropriately for the situation.

enjoy them for the age and stage they are rather than consistently trying to get them to do things that are developmentally too advanced for them.

If I go out we almost never get dessert. It makes it just too long. Main meal and an ice cream at home. Cuts the cost too!

We’ve just given up 😆 We get a takeaway and they can wander away from the table when finished to go and play in the living room while we eat. We haven’t been on holiday abroad for ages for the same reason. Youngest isn’t 3 yet and I keep telling myself it will get better but we’re just at the stage where everything is a problem and it’s slowly eroded away any desire in me to leave the house 😂

@GratedCarrotandCheese We LOVE eating out and have done so since the twins were about 12 months and DS1 was 5. They're now 10 and 15.

We just made sure we had plenty of colouring in, ask them questions about pictures on the wall, guessing games, alphabet game, maths, Sometimes a walk to the toilet if they got too fidgety.

I think we mostly went to louder restaurants when they were little or family friendly ones.

We have never had to use screens to keep them quiet as I hate seeing kids on screens in restaurants . I spent a lot of time in France and meals are an experience so having a child on a screen is very rude!

At that age, we just took our kids out for brunch on a weekend as we found it didn’t take as long to be served and able to sit and do stickers / colouring / not as frazzled at that time. Didn’t have an enjoyable dinner out until they were much older (around 10/11).

With 3 children, one of them still a toddler, no, it’s not enjoyable.

But I’d say, break things up and take the older ones out 1 to 1. It can be lovely to sit and chat and try new things. It doesn’t have to be a £100 extravaganza. You can share a meal for £20-25 if just the two of you. Do it a few times a year. It teaches them social skills for eating out and being patient, but it’s not utter chaos.

I’ve been doing this with mine since they started weaning. From about 5, we’d take a set of dominoes or top trumps and play and talk while waiting for our food.

When they were little and still now we found street food venues were a great option. Multiple things to order midday in the city was chilled with lots of other families. Sometimes our friends without children would meet up for a drink while we went home and they stayed out.

We also found our local ethnically diverse areas great for family dining. Again lots of families eating out together, relatively inexpensive for very tasty food the kids loved and introduced them to different foods and flavours.

When our boys were small, @GratedCarrotandCheese, we went to places where we knew the service would be quick, and just had one course rather than having a main and dessert. Basically, we went to child friendly places.

As time went by, they got older and more used to eating out, and it got easier to have two or three courses. By the time they were in their mid to late teens, we could go out to really nice restaurants and enjoy a leisurely meal with them.

It is a matter of practise - and you have to start small and work up. It sounds as if you are doing the right things by taking things to entertain them, but it might be easier if you scaled it back to one course for the moment, and work back up to two or more - I honestly think you will get there.

Im a single mum of twins plus 1 also….. I’ve always eaten out with them and no it doesn’t feel like a treat a lot of the time more convenience and saving on the washing up at the end!

I can’t afford to drop £100 a time though - but I do think eating out in public is an important social skill the many kids could do with teaching. It doesn’t need to be fancy fair though …
when twins were babies it would be coffee and cake only, then gradually increased the time and type of establishment
I often go to the local carvery - chain - they often have £6 main deals and during half term holidays loads of places to kids eat free or kids eat for £1 - ASDA is great for that and I don’t do 3 courses - 2 maximum and that’s it. No iPads/devices allowed as I think it just fosters bad habits at the dinner table

I think that it doesn’t work exactly like this with kids, you can start taking them first dinner out at 10 y.o. and they will be ok after a few times. At these age I would eat out when you really need it e.g when you have a day out or a shopping trip. Especially with 3 kids, who is saying about fun - you deserve a medal OP for just surviving this trip.

i absolutely hate eating with my kids especially with any one who has NT children and judgemental parents I only do it when we have to

three under 6 is not fun why would you choose to do that ?

You know there are millions of decent well behaved kids who never eat out at a restaurant

they will learn manners at school and at home

We do go cheaper places - supermarket cafes, Costa, chain pubs - most weekends so the kids are well used to sitting and then usually go for dinner once every two months or so which involves more waiting. I always have stuff for them to do in bag (paper, pens, stickers), we order very quickly after sitting down and rarely have dessert - if it's an ice cream on the kids deal we'll get that and the bill at the same time so that speeds up the end bit of the meal. Both my kids love olives so we get those with our drinks which they enjoy! I sometimes take a little pot of fruit or cucumber sticks with us if I know there's going to be a wait, like if we're going with a big party and it takes ages for the food to come out.

I do go out with DD’s but only if there are multiple people to entertain them, so with grandparents etc. I wouldn’t go out the two of us and DD’s, even with an older DS there it’s far too much effort. The most I’ll do is a coffee shop with the two girls, as usually when we go there are other kids who are naughtier and louder so the attention isn’t on mine. Once they get older we’ll do it more, they’re just too little at the moment

My parents always took us to places with play areas so we’d sod off in between meals.

I think they are still very young to sit still for that amount of time it takes to have meal in a restaurant, much better to get a takeaway and relax at home until they are bit older.

We allow far too much screen time at home but we don’t allow screens in a restaurant. (Only exception being very occasionally ok holiday if they have jet lag). Aged 10 and 6 and they love eating out. Sometimes will just sit and chat, but usually they are doing puzzles, drawing or colouring until the food arrives.

it hasn’t always been like this though. We didn’t bother much for a few years when it was just too much effort but that was when they were toddlers really.

Now we let them pick the restaurant. I genuinely believe that taking them to a variety of places has led them to be the foodies they now are.

I don’t think you should do it if you find it stressful (and expensive!) My parents couldn’t afford to take us into cafes or restaurants when we were young and always brought picnics everywhere we went. I don’t think I made too much of a show of myself when I started eating out more. Provided I used a knife and fork and didn’t eat like a pig at a trough, I reckoned I was doing ok!