To not enjoy eating out with my kids?

[GratedCarrotandCheese]

DC are 6, 6 and 3. We went out for lunch today, nothing fancy, local Italian, a main course, one drink and pudding each, and it was £100.

Which is a lot of money, and I'm not specifically complaining about that really, more that it's a lot to spend when at the moment it still just feels stressful rather than enjoyable.

The food was nice, but it just feels like it's a huge effort to try and keep entertaining the kids while you wait to order, wait for drinks, wait for main, wait for main to be cleared and order dessert, wait for dessert. And ask the way through, dealing with squabbling etc.

We know all the tricks, so bring sticker books, quiet games etc but it's still a lot of effort and money.

However, I guess if we don't persevere then they'll never learn the skills and we'll never be able to enjoy a nice relaxing, leisurely meal.

What do other people do? Are their kids just easier? Do you just go for really cheap places so it doesn't feel so painful?

Having a drink and a cake in a cafe is just about bearable, but it's all the waiting round that just seems to make restaurant meals not really viable. I was hoping we'd be through this annoying stage by now!

Any tips about the type of places to go, or stories about when it gets better? It seems a real shame as I absolutely love eating out and used to do it all the time before kids.

We don't do it very often, about every 2 or 3 months maybe, which is perhaps part of the problem, but we don't really have the budget for more frequent meals out for all of us (or there's days out that are much more enjoyable that I'd rather spend on).

AIBU and miserable or does anyone else just not like eating out with kids?

I don’t think it’s a case that you need to do it regularly for them to learn, I think they just need to be old enough to have impulse control. It’s just about ok for us now at 10 and 7, but not always. There needs to be a lot of scaffolding with talks beforehand and during, about ‘restaurant behaviour’ and what’s expected. God I remember one meal a couple of years ago when the youngest went nuts about something, screaming and everyone was looking. It’s such a hypervigilant experience, eating out with small kids. I’d say for a few years, just get a babysitter and enjoy your meal!

We have just started to enjoy a meal with our kids age 8,7,4. And still wouldn't go anywhere too fancy with them.
Prior to this every time we tried I felt exactly like you, disappointed I wasn't able to enjoy it.
Not sure if practicing in restaurant helps but I do think the eating together at home without screens will really help when they are old enough to make meals out enjoyable.

My DC are the same age and I really try to avoid eating out with them. It’s awful, and then you get a bill at the end!

They’ll moan about being hungry then once the food arrives I’ll have to beg them to eat. Someone will spill a drink, someone will need a poo as soon as the food arrives. They’ll get up and start wandering and then argue over the red crayon.

Their table manners at home are fine but I do get its boring for them eating out and no benefit since they have waiter table service at home, from me!

I don't really understand why you're going. Little kids don't need to learn how to eat in restaurants, they can learn table manners etc at home and you can just take them to a restaurant once they're old enough to actually enjoy a meal in a restaurant and sit for that length of time.

When I was young we didn't go to restaurants, but we all know how to eat in them as adults.

Only go if you're getting something out of it, like it's easier than cooking yourselves or you are genuinely enjoying it. Otherwise just don't bother

Our way of tackling this is to go outside of the main eating time eg dinner at 16:30-1700 (also so they are not famished) choose restaurants that are quick to bring food, only one course and take card games or play I spy or similar. Aim is to get in and out as quickly as possible while everyone is happy and not relaxing enjoyment at that age. We’re getting there now there 9 and 10

I’m in full agreement, it is not worth the stress!

We take our kids (11 and 12) to a restaurant once every second weekend or so. They’ve become proper foodies though (love all shellfish etc) and it’s v expensive now that they rarely order off the kids menu. 🤦‍♀️
Our family thing for past few years is playing UNO while there, weirdly a full game almost always seems to fit perfectly between ordering and the food coming. Back when they were 6ish they use to love playing hangman and noughts and crosses.

I do take this point, but the dessert is the highlight for my kids.

Maybe we should just grab a sandwich from somewhere and just go out for pudding from now on.

Just as another poster mentioned naice places, this was just your bog standard Luna's Italian, with kids menus etc and loads of families, so it felt like it should be achievable. I felt a bit like all the other families liked like they were doing better than us, but maybe they just had slightly older/fewer kids.

I like taking mine out but like to do a quick exit once they are finished. My husband takes FOREVER to eat/drink and then moans when I take the children out. I blame him being an only child/wanting some element of control 🙄

YANBU.
Do it once a year as a very special treat and lay it on thick to them what a special treat it is. Keep your money for a babysitter and dinner out with your husband instead.

Your kids sound a bit badly behaved, especially your 6yo. Surely at that age they can be expected to sit and behave? What do they do at school?
I have a 3yo myself who is really good too. She wasn’t just always like that, she had to be exposed to it and taught to behave. And we take nothing out with us, most restaurants offer some coloring and paper. We play eye spy which is a hit in a new place.
Also ask them questions and just keep talking to them, which actually distracts them till the food arrives.

I’m really surprised people say a 6yo is very young? For a lunch out? How on earth do they cope in school.

A half way house is pub with a play area. We all sit work out what food we want then once it’s ordered they can play. Then we sit nicely for our food. Esp while they are younger we found this the best way rather than a full restaurant experience

Hyper vigilant is the exact right word, I definitely feel a bit on edge as it's always one moment away from descending into chaos (today, DTs decided they wanted to share dessert, but this ended up with them both crying). I can never work out if it's their age or I'm just a really rubbish parent with over dramatic kids!

I used to take mine out about once a month. We never ordered dessert, and we always ordered something that was quick to prepare. We drank water, so no waiting around for drinks either.

I did a pep talk before we got out of the car, trying to remind the DCs of expected behaviour.

That’s ridiculous. Restaurants wouldn’t exist if people who had young kids never went out and waited for them to grow up 🤣
op has a 6yo, well old enough to behave or be taken outside if being naughty.

@CantThinkofaNam eating out at a restaurant is hardly the same as a school lunch is it. I don’t think many schools offer a menu to peruse, followed by staff bringing out drinks and two courses, one after another.

I wouldn’t say I enjoy eating out with the kids (5 and 20 months) but they aren’t badly behaved and are easily distracted so it’s perfectly doable. We only order starters and desserts at big family meals and tend to go out for lunch rather than dinner.

Agree.

You have to approach a meal out as parenting away from home with stricter standards. It's not a 'meal out' for the parents - it's a teaching experience requiring effort and focus.

Oh gosh this describes it exactly! 😂😂

That does make sense actually, that being cooked for and waited on is just standard for them and not a treat!

Well done you for being so wonderful. Shame you dont seem to understand that not every kid is the same.

The OP has 6 year old twins which isnt just "two kids" its a tag team, cos thats how they work, then she has the three year old on top. Do you have that? Do take out that combination of children so you understand what its like?

No, thought not.

Only go to cheaper places and only get a main. Don't drag it out with desserts.

We very rarely ate out when the dc were that age. Its not really a skill that needs to be learnt until they are older.

As a child we never ate out.

Mine are 7 and 3, and I feel the same! DD1 who is 7 is fine to eat out with as long as it doesn't take too too long but my just turned 3 year old is another story. We are lucky we live in a tourist destination in the UK with lots of hotels with nice restaurants but also soft plays/kids areas so we aim for those if we go out to eat. Or places that are buffet style where the food is ready to go and there is no waiting around.

Yeah, I definitely don't want to shell out a ton for a teaching experience requiring effort and focus on a weekend. That sounds pretty miserable.

"However, I guess if we don't persevere then they'll never learn the skills and we'll never be able to enjoy a nice relaxing, leisurely meal"
Pensioners eat out. They aren't tipping their food on the table and going for it, like a geriatric fight club. I'd put money on none of them ever being taken to restaurants. It was rare to eat out, in my generation, growing up in the 70s. If it's too stressful, stop doing it until they are older.