To not enjoy eating out with my kids?

[GratedCarrotandCheese]

DC are 6, 6 and 3. We went out for lunch today, nothing fancy, local Italian, a main course, one drink and pudding each, and it was £100.

Which is a lot of money, and I'm not specifically complaining about that really, more that it's a lot to spend when at the moment it still just feels stressful rather than enjoyable.

The food was nice, but it just feels like it's a huge effort to try and keep entertaining the kids while you wait to order, wait for drinks, wait for main, wait for main to be cleared and order dessert, wait for dessert. And ask the way through, dealing with squabbling etc.

We know all the tricks, so bring sticker books, quiet games etc but it's still a lot of effort and money.

However, I guess if we don't persevere then they'll never learn the skills and we'll never be able to enjoy a nice relaxing, leisurely meal.

What do other people do? Are their kids just easier? Do you just go for really cheap places so it doesn't feel so painful?

Having a drink and a cake in a cafe is just about bearable, but it's all the waiting round that just seems to make restaurant meals not really viable. I was hoping we'd be through this annoying stage by now!

Any tips about the type of places to go, or stories about when it gets better? It seems a real shame as I absolutely love eating out and used to do it all the time before kids.

We don't do it very often, about every 2 or 3 months maybe, which is perhaps part of the problem, but we don't really have the budget for more frequent meals out for all of us (or there's days out that are much more enjoyable that I'd rather spend on).

AIBU and miserable or does anyone else just not like eating out with kids?

Pubs with playgrounds until they are double digits. Then card games etc and it is actually fun!

And sit about playing bloody eye spy 🤣 performative parenting at its best! Give them a few more years and they’ll be absolutely fine OP.

We used to take my sons to Frankie and Benny's, used to get a really good deal pre COVID. Now they are older its wetherspoons Lol....cheap and cheerful

At 6 & 3 I found it awful too. Then covid hit, and we had a long break from it. By 4 & 7 it was better. At 5 & 8 it was pleasant.

So don't worry - don't subject yourself to something you are not enjoying because you feel you should, just try again in a while.

We go to a DiMaggio with a soft play attached! Fancy restaurants a complete no no with my 6 and 9 yr old boys. Kid friendly cafes only as well

I hate it too but that’s because mine have allergies and it’s just stressful as well as all the other things you mention

DS wouldn’t be one for sitting down, never has been.
So, a croissant in a cafe. A nice cafe, now & then…
In a restaurant, he’ll be off chatting to everyone.
Which, for a lot of people having a meal, is a no-no!

I find that it costs so much to eat out for 5 that my expectations are sky high, and one drink and a main never lives up to that.

YANBU - it’s really stressful.
I second what another poster said about restaurants with a little playpark (when the weather is better). They can burn off energy until the food comes and you get some peace.
I also never thought I’d be begging my kids to eat the processed food they’d ordered which I could just stick in the oven but it’s happened!

It is easier now mine are 6 and 7 although we bring a lot of card games and drawing so we are still ‘on’ constantly but it’s less stressful.

Also have you tried going out for breakfast somewhere with pancakes - my two love this. One course so less waiting and something they’re excited for.
I don’t think kids really care where their main meal is and would probably rather be at home for it.

I get you. When DCs were little we didn’t really go out to eat unless we were out for the day or on holiday. DS barely ate anything from age 1-4 - I mean he ate ok at home but only ate a limited range and with specific requirements (now he eats pretty much everything but he’s an adult). He was very vocal if the food wasn’t to his requirements. As he got older it got easier and we took our sticker books etc and it wasn’t ok.
DD was always fine to take out though - she’s sit and eat a bowl of pasta and tomato sauce from about 2!

We have a 15 month old 4 and 5 year old the eldests are no bother at all BUT do want chatting to and engaging with understandably that’s my job and it’s fine, the baby / toddler - nightmare. But we remember this with the other two and pressed pause for 6 months til it passed but just trying our best now as the girls love a pizza express tea and colouring we can walk from our house which tires them out in the summer there’s a lovely local pizza place with a great space outside with toys for kids so that fees easy. Or easy as it can.

I used to take my children to small cafes to teach them the social skills of eating out. You can still teach them to behave, be polite, use cutlery etc while eating an all-day breakfast or a plate of chips in a greasy spoon establishment, when they have mastered this, you take them to nicer places.

I don't know why the British seem to find this so hard, when we go abroad, we see toddlers of Italian/French/Greek families sitting composedly at the table eating their food with very little disruption.

Or spend money on a babysitter and enjoy adult meals.

And of course consider others, it can ruin other people's meal out to have disruptive small children at the next table, and it's cost them a lot of money too.

My youngest has SEN so he’s a nightmare to contain, he doesn’t enjoy sitting still unless moving in a vehicle. He’s absolutely fine on a long flight even and won’t attempt to get up but forget a restaurant, the cinema, theatre etc. The only way we can get him to sit still for a period of time is with his headphones and iPad. I know people hate this but it’s either that or we don’t eat out because otherwise we’d spend the time fighting to keep him sat down.

My son and DIL take my grandchildren (6 and 4) to Morrisons cafe and have done since they were young. The kids love it and it’s not expensive. They have recently graduated to local cafes.
I think OP has high expectations and is putting herself under too much pressure. Take your kids to a supermarket for a mid morning meal.

Agree OP - we pretty much gave up on eating out. It only works if we’re with other people with kids for DC to hang out with. When I was a kid my parents would just shout at us to make us sit still and be quiet so it wasn’t very enjoyable then either.

4 & 1 and a half here - we go out to eat regularly

but we go to family type places - there’s an Italian we go to with kids eat free and it’s lovely and everyone has kids so it’s a bit chaotic in there and people don’t mind kids (most people have them there)

and other than that casual pub lunches are our thing where the don’t mind kids walking around and being loud

one thing I do is let husband and bigger child go first and order and I play with little one outside then take him in when food arriving 😆 so less time of him in high chair getting annoyed and waiting

I enjoy it tbh even though it feels like a ticking time bomb and your against the clock hahaha

I don't think I bothered taking mine out to eat when they were little because as you say the cost is so high and it's not particularly enjoyable. If we did it was always places like wetherspoons so it was quick and cheap.
Is learning table manners the only reason you do it? I would suggest saving a meal out til they are older or if you have someone to mind the children go out for a meal as adults only. Save your money for days out with children doing things they enjoy - soft play, zoos, parks etc.

I would recommend Dishpatch to anyone craving nice restaurant quality food but doesn’t want to/cant leave the house. When the kids were little we would often feed them early and put them to bed before we sat down to some Michel Roux Jr or Rick Stein. Not a cheap option though for sure.

My kids are 5 and almost 3. We eat lunch out in garden centres cafes quite frequently - service is quick, food is homely, noone cares if the kids get down and stretch their legs while waiting and there's usually a play area to immediately head to after eating. We keep meals out short and efficient for this age. We bring some travel magnatiles and a couple of small world dinosaurs and a couple of hot wheels. We do pub meals with friends and similar aged kids in child-friendly pubs with play areas. For us, going out to restaurants for a nice meal will have to wait.

At 6 and 6 my twins were getting a little better but it could still be pretty painful. At almost 8 it’s now getting to the point where it’s mostly successful.

We’ve taken them out to eat fairly regularly since they were about 9 months in the spirit of perseverance. I’m glad we did.

It gets better

We go to a local Turkish breakfast place where they put a big board of cheese, veggies and fruit out as soon as you sit down so the kids can pick at it while you wait for everything else. It's a total game changer

Keep doing it, ours are 13 and 11 now and can sit and chat and it’s really lovely going out for meals. And since they were about 8 and 6 they were ok to sit and colour / play Dobble etc so you’re not far off it starting to get fun!!

Yes we stuck to cheaper places definitely - kids meals / kids eat free type deals and also make the most of the TopCashback or Club card vouchers. I don’t drink and usually just have water so that helps with costs.

You can try telling staff you’re in a rush, order dessert at the same time as main, ask for the bill as soon as they bring dessert. All helps reduce the lag.

I also preferred it when they were little when we were actively playing with them so dealing a family game of UNO or Dobble. We’ve had a lot of fun whilst waiting. You’re youngest is still a bit little I know so I’d imagine you may need to divide and conquer for a bit so one take them for a wander whilst others play games.

Once weather improves we had a good repertoire of pubs with good gardens so kids just ran off steam during all the wait times.

I think picking the venue and the timing is key! My daughter is younger, still a toddler, and we find the trick to us actually enjoying it is doing it AFTER something active so a park/soft play/walk/run so she’s ready to sit for a bit, and also picking somewhere quite kid/family friendly so that at least we aren’t on edge in a posh restaurant surrounded by couples having romantic meals trying to keep her super quiet!