To not enjoy eating out with my kids?

[GratedCarrotandCheese]

DC are 6, 6 and 3. We went out for lunch today, nothing fancy, local Italian, a main course, one drink and pudding each, and it was £100.

Which is a lot of money, and I'm not specifically complaining about that really, more that it's a lot to spend when at the moment it still just feels stressful rather than enjoyable.

The food was nice, but it just feels like it's a huge effort to try and keep entertaining the kids while you wait to order, wait for drinks, wait for main, wait for main to be cleared and order dessert, wait for dessert. And ask the way through, dealing with squabbling etc.

We know all the tricks, so bring sticker books, quiet games etc but it's still a lot of effort and money.

However, I guess if we don't persevere then they'll never learn the skills and we'll never be able to enjoy a nice relaxing, leisurely meal.

What do other people do? Are their kids just easier? Do you just go for really cheap places so it doesn't feel so painful?

Having a drink and a cake in a cafe is just about bearable, but it's all the waiting round that just seems to make restaurant meals not really viable. I was hoping we'd be through this annoying stage by now!

Any tips about the type of places to go, or stories about when it gets better? It seems a real shame as I absolutely love eating out and used to do it all the time before kids.

We don't do it very often, about every 2 or 3 months maybe, which is perhaps part of the problem, but we don't really have the budget for more frequent meals out for all of us (or there's days out that are much more enjoyable that I'd rather spend on).

AIBU and miserable or does anyone else just not like eating out with kids?

You could have taken them into a cafe at the zoo to practise eating out in a more low key way. You children will only learn to eat out by doing it, eating together at home is very different from eating with the family in a room full of strangers.

But you need to tailor the experience to your children's ages and stages. The 3 yr old particularly is very young to be expected to sit quietly between courses in a restaurant.

The suggestion by a PP to try eating in a supermarket cafe, where the meal is brought to your table, so there is some waiting involved but not as much as in a restaurant.

Op are there consequences to their behaviour? If they squabble and fight over the dessert, I’d get it boxed up (for you, so it’s not wasted money. You could just leave it) and take them home. They lost their chance to enjoy a nice dessert because they couldn’t behave. Same as when a toddler starts screaming and shouting you pick them up and take them out of the environment. They’ll not remember you going “please behave” because they’re too in the moment, by removing them from the situation they will quickly learn what allows them to carry on enjoying the treat.

I go out to eat with my husband when I can.
and also one on one with the kids.
they are much more calm in this scenario and I get to chat with them and enjoy together. Also it’s a lot cheaper this way too.

I really don't enjoy eating out with the kids. It's extremely stressful & expensive. We enjoy takeaways at home instead!

I think it's normal to have to entertain your kids while you are waiting - I remember doing puzzles and playing ispy. It's not going to be relaxing like it is when they are not there!
It's not compulsory to eat out, so if you don't like it I wouldn't bother - your kids will still grow up being able to eat nicely at a table in public because that will just come with age.

I mean, I don't recall ever going out for a meal as a child, and I can manage it 🤣

It’s awful at this stage. I felt on edge the whole time. Honestly I would rather stay home, do the washing up and compensate with a really nice bottle of wine!

Defeatist I know, but to spend a fortune and not enjoy it seems rubbish.

Lone parent for years here, I used to take mine to the local bookstore chose a book and then go to the local family friendly pub (less formal) for burgers. She used to read the new book and we would talk about it. Good distraction.

I only take mine to wether spoons, McDonald's, supermarket cafes, occasionally a harvester. Also beefeater/premier inn breakfast where they are free so it doesn't matter what they eat. Children are different personalities though - some 3 year olds will happily sit and colour, chat etc but my older one in particular was only happy aged 3 if he was on the move. He grew out of it... Now it's still tricky though as he's quite fussy and getting a bit old for the kids menu in some places.

We tend to go to places that have a buffet, so no waiting around. I quite enjoy it (I'm a single parent,...mine are 1.5 and 9).

Alternatively, we go with several mums and kids and the kids can entertain themselves. (We usually go to places that have space for them to run around outside...)

I used to hate it, but my kids are now 6&8 and they’re fab eating out (I normally just go somewhere cheap with basic food though). I would say it got easier from around aged 4. I always take colouring with us. 8 year old not interested in that though!

I’ve since had a baby, so that’s all over for me now!

It gets easier. And it’s good to teach them I think. It’s not really about you having a nice meal. Shudders thinking back to some meals with step children when they were young. Now they are grown up really look forward to it.

I think mine were usually OK (I say think, they are now 18 and 15 so I may have a touch of rose coloured specs).

One thing that was probably a factor with ours is that we probably took some of the stress off for us by using offers whenever we could. Admittedly this was probably easier 10 years ago but there are still some offers around. Prezzo was our main place using Clubcard vouchers (paying for all essential shopping and petrol on the Clubcard credit card so they built up). There is less stress to have a perfect meal when you aren't worrying that it is £100 that could be better spent elsewhere.

Although some of the offers have gone, it might be worth saving your meals out to school holidays when many places do kids meals for free / £1 etc. Chances are the places will be busier but that also means you will feel less worried about your DCs behaving 'perfectly' when there are other children also being children. It also feels better if your bill is halved.

I do think it depends on the individual child and how many kids you have! I only had 1 child to entertain and he was, generally, an easy going child. But I also never persevered with what I knew was beyond his capabilities. And I think that's the important thing to figure out and stick to. Don't expect more from them than they can give, and don't let it get to the point where they've reached the end of their rope.

Whilst I did try to teach DS that, especially on holiday, if we did something he wanted to do, it was then my turn to do something I wanted to do, I knew it was better not to push it, and would only expect him to put up with an hour in an art gallery or museum. I took him to cafes a lot when he was a baby, and i was lucky that there was a cafe/informal restaurant near where we lived, which I also took him to once a week or so, so he was used to eating out, having to sit still, listening to other adults have conversations around him (and participating) etc. (I always took a book to read to him, colouring and a small toy whenever we went anywhere, so we were always talking and playing together. Learning patience, being able to engage with others and amuse yourself is all part of eating out.) On holiday I would take him to proper restaurants, but I knew it wouldn't be a leisurely 3 or 4 courses and a lingering evening over coffee. It would be a main and maybe a dessert before I'd think it was time to go.

So I would say, persevere, so they get used to expectations, but persevere within their individual limitations (and what you yourself can manage), gradually expecting a bit more over time. In terms of cost, that's going to sting you no matter what. I noticed a difference as soon as DS became too old to share my meal!

6 and 3 is still quite little for restaurants. Staying for dessert probably tipped the balance into chaos, as that can be another 45 minutes when you factor in waiting for mains to be cleared, ordering, waiting, eating, then waiting to pay.

Doing a smaller doses build up is probably better. Like others have said, supermarket cafes (although they are a dying breed) are a good place to learn the necessary skills. Service is usually quicker, they're cheaper, but it's still full "sit down meal".
Places like Harvester, Toby Carvery, Hungry Horse, are all good, cheaper training grounds for slightly smarter places.