Husbands dark moods always end in an argument

[Alvaa]

I feel like he’s looking for an argument all the time.

today, I went with his to the junior football match he coaches. Got up at 8am, got ready and was pleased to be there. End of second half a boy gets tackled and looks like he’s broken his foot. Me and husband rush him to A&E because his parents weren’t at the match. Sat with him, I bought him food and a drink, comforted him, and stayed with them both until his parents got there around 2 hours later.

Then husband had to go and collect his sister who’s been discharged from hospital. I walked to the shop, bought dinner and cooked it for him.

He gets back saying “I’m this close to breaking”, slams doors, shouts at the dogs for no reason. Then sits on the couch next to me and stares ahead. I asked what’s wrong he said “I’m tired”. I say do you want to eat and then go to bed? He said it’s not that kind of tired.

then he says his day was ruined, he just wanted to coach, then says he doesn’t have enough time to do his hobbies anymore. This is because he’s increased his PT hours to FT as I was paying 75% of bills, and him 25%.

I said there has to be give and take and that family men can’t always do what they want. He then said why aren’t I comforting him/cuddling him? Then he said that I’m acting as if he’s hurt me?

that’s just one example.

The issue of him not being “allowed” to spend money on ridiculous stuff is an ongoing issues - in the past he’s not contributed to bills because he’s bought a new item for leisure, like new golf clubs without consultation.

Im actually quite scared/awkward to respond well when he’s slamming around or moody so I keep quiet. When I do speak he says I’m not helping.

when I disclose that I find something hard or feel low (ie when hospitalised for an operation) he’s always telling me to look on the bright side etc

AIBU to feel like he needs to get in the real world and family men can’t gallivant around spending their own money and filling time with all their leisure time?!

How long have you been married? Do you have kids? When did he start behaving this way?

OP, this man will suck the life and finances out of you.

Take this period of change in circumstance to find yourself somewhere to live. Minus him.

Fucking hell. It's obvious that you're his substitute mother and he's waiting for you to tell him to go back to part time. He's going to be unbearable until you let him. He sees you as are ruining his life with grown up stuff.

Seriously dude, send him back to his mother, he's not cooked yet. Do not understand any circumstances buy a house with him and make sure your contraception is is water tight.

Well we aren’t talking about that are we, we are talking about the OP. And in any event, it is different where the reason a woman has been unable to amass physical wealth is because she’s facilitated the man being able to do so by providing childcare etc. unlike the OP’s H who just appears lazy.

Find somewhere on your own

Do not tie yourself financially to this man.

He sounds emotionally immature and bad with money. It sounds as though you’re already on eggshells with him which is very sad and is probably damaging your own health.

Tell him that since your taste in houses is so different you’ll be using your deposit to get a place for yourself asap and maybe he’d like to think of his own plan. And mean it- if he starts criticising places you’ve got appointments to view just say nicely “oh babe you don’t need to worry though, this is just for me remember.”

My bet is he’s trying to wear you down with all this bellyaching and bad moods so you’ll agree he should work less and you’ll pick up more of the bills. He also hasn’t saved any money for a deposit no doubt so he’s being difficult about buying a place so you’ll just have to get another rental at the last minute (with you paying most of the rent and him spending money on shite). Don’t fall for it.

Don't buy with him op for the love of god!
Find another rental for now.

He's moaning that he works full time and doesn't have time to galivant around doing what he wants. He's a grown up. He needs to suck it up.

What are you getting from this relationship? Is there a back story as to why your standards are on the ground?

You won’t get down votes because this isn’t Reddit. Nor is the ops husband hardworking. Nor does she have children, as far as we know.

I have had numerous partners single or married over the years and have always found it easy to attract women. Most of them I have not pursued but they have pursued me including married women I have had relationships with.

This made me chuckle @Realitycheck45 !

if you’re “scared” of these dark moods as you say, time to get your ducks in a row and plan to leave.
he sounds like zero fun anyway ? And these pathetic moods that you’ve to tiptoe around?! There’s no way you should be putting up with that

Being a sahm doesn't facilitate or enable the husband to work. He would most likely work regardless and use his mum nurseries/childminders/relatives for childcare.

This isnt Reddit dude.

There's no downvotes.

Oh I know this guy.

Please don’t buy a house with his man. Unless you want to live for years like you do now.

It sounds like he’s had a hard day, but then yours wasn’t exactly full of fun was it. He’s a miserable git, I expect if you think about it he always has been. Please think about getting away during this opportunity when you’re about to move and have savings. You can literally go and rent your own place and leave him to sort himself out ❤️

Gross

Grosser still

Organise your own accommodation and see how he likes being homeless. What a loser. Mean and sulky men are pathetic. Nobody should feel scared and awkward in a personal relationship. Cut him loose and enjoy a fresh start.

Bye @Realitycheck45

Back to day time tv for you