Husbands dark moods always end in an argument

[Alvaa]

I feel like he’s looking for an argument all the time.

today, I went with his to the junior football match he coaches. Got up at 8am, got ready and was pleased to be there. End of second half a boy gets tackled and looks like he’s broken his foot. Me and husband rush him to A&E because his parents weren’t at the match. Sat with him, I bought him food and a drink, comforted him, and stayed with them both until his parents got there around 2 hours later.

Then husband had to go and collect his sister who’s been discharged from hospital. I walked to the shop, bought dinner and cooked it for him.

He gets back saying “I’m this close to breaking”, slams doors, shouts at the dogs for no reason. Then sits on the couch next to me and stares ahead. I asked what’s wrong he said “I’m tired”. I say do you want to eat and then go to bed? He said it’s not that kind of tired.

then he says his day was ruined, he just wanted to coach, then says he doesn’t have enough time to do his hobbies anymore. This is because he’s increased his PT hours to FT as I was paying 75% of bills, and him 25%.

I said there has to be give and take and that family men can’t always do what they want. He then said why aren’t I comforting him/cuddling him? Then he said that I’m acting as if he’s hurt me?

that’s just one example.

The issue of him not being “allowed” to spend money on ridiculous stuff is an ongoing issues - in the past he’s not contributed to bills because he’s bought a new item for leisure, like new golf clubs without consultation.

Im actually quite scared/awkward to respond well when he’s slamming around or moody so I keep quiet. When I do speak he says I’m not helping.

when I disclose that I find something hard or feel low (ie when hospitalised for an operation) he’s always telling me to look on the bright side etc

AIBU to feel like he needs to get in the real world and family men can’t gallivant around spending their own money and filling time with all their leisure time?!

You’re so lucky not to have children with this sorry specimen. Move on, get rid x

Let him find his own place if he's so picky.

I think you should look for a place for you, and your kids if you have any, and cut him loose.

If you have kids, you don't want him off work claiming he is the primary parent when you dump him.

This will only get worse, get rid. Short term pain, long term gain.

Don’t buy a house with him. Don’t sink your savings into living with this enormous shitbag. He will fuck up the rest of your life if you let him. Ask me how I know.

Jesus Christ, do not buy a house with him! Are you actually married and if so, how long have you been together and how long have you been married?

Start looking for a place just for you and thinking about what it would be like to be able to do your own thing without worrying about what it would be like to have to think about him all the time, watch out for his bad moods, be scared of his reaction, etc.

What a weird, twattish man child.
🙄

This.

Good Lord. Get rid of him. Please don't buy a house with this emotionally abusive cocklodger in waiting.

Find your own place. Live your own life. Thank your lucky stars you can cut him out completely and don't have to co parent with the twat.

Don’t lose your mind
lose him
What a d!ck

No different to when women want half of everything.

If they haven't been together that long or aren't actually married he won't be able to. But even if he can, it will be a lot less than he'll take off her if she stays with him.

He's already had her paying 75% of the bills for an age because he wanted to work part time (bet he didn't spend the extra free time doing all the housework).

Do you want kids? If so ffs don’t have any with this muppet. Get rid and find someone who isn’t trying to manipulate you into telling him to go part time again. What a delicate flower he is.

JFC what on earth do you get out of this relationship? It’s clear what he gets, his lifestyle heavily subsidised, but what do you get?

Leave him in the rental and buy a place on your own. Don’t take him with you.

You will feel so light and carefree without him.

Why are you still with this guy, he must have attractive of redeeming qualities because he sounds like a deeply unappealing person to invest your precious life with.

i think you need some time apart with a view to splitting up. hes a man baby trying to tantrum til he gets his way.
dont buy with him. dont breed with him. leave.

oh and i may be wrong but i’d suggest you do not feed kids with suspected broken ankles in case they need operated on.

In 5 months you have to leave your rented home...don't buy a house with, and hey why not don't rent with him either.

Why are you planning to buy a house with this idiot?

Where’s your self esteem?

It sounds like you may be fawning (in the context of emotional abuse) to keep the atmosphere bearable. He seems aware of this and is taking advantage of it. Try to stop reassuring him and stop over-explaining, and allow yourself to sit with the discomfort — as difficult as that may be.

The more you fawn or attempt to fill the awkward silences the more ‘justified’ he feels.

Take this opportunity to buy your own place and dump this moody freeloader! Really, you can do so much better, why would you put up with this?

Seems to me that anyone using the word "scared" in terms of confrontations with her husband should be heading for marital counseling or divorce.

I think you should rent a small place by yourself. Ideally get a divorce before buying somewhere so that he has no claim on it.

Find your own house.

Find a house that suits you and you can afford on your own.
I suspect you won’t be with him in 6 months if this behaviour continues

My step father is like this, and always has been. He does have childhood trauma however doesn’t acknowledge it, refuses therapy and treats my mum badly but she can be just as bad as she also doesn’t know how to communicate, I’ve worked in mental health and therapy for 15 years and they don’t take my advice. I’m NC with them both now. If he won’t have relationship therapy I would get your ducks in a row and leave. This is emotional abuse.