To leave friend sitting in her car outside my house as she's arrived 90 minutes early

[youretooearly]

I invited my friend over to my house for a takeaway tonight. She asked what time and I said about 6pm. She responded to say she was planning to leave her house shortly (this was about 3.30pm) as she has never been to my house before and wanted to find her way before it got dark. She said not to worry she would just "hang around" somewhere and wouldn't impose. I assumed she meant she would go to a nearby coffee shop or something. I wasn't at home at that stage and told her so. I got home about 45 minutes ago and planned to use the time before she arrived to do more preparation for a job interview I have on Monday.

I walked into my living room about half an hour ago and noticed her car sitting outside my house! So she was here at least 1 hour 20 minutes early. I was shocked. I haven't acknowledged that I've seen her or invited her in yet. She's sent me a message 15 minutes ago "let me know when you're ready". I feel a bit angry that she's turned up so early! I said 6pm for a reason and now feel under pressure to let her in.

Why would you not let your friend in.. even if you were busy just say sorry I wasn’t expecting you yet so I’ve just got xyz to do then I’m free but I can make you a cuppa whilst you wait

OP, once your friend has finally found her way into your home, sit her down and take her through such modern technological innovations such as Satellite Navigation and Google Maps. With the latter, pinpoint your address, click on "Directions", fill in the box with the address she's arriving from, and, lo and behold, there is your route all planned out on the map, with a precise estimate of the time it will take to get there, allowing for the traffic and every other possible obstacle in real time. A SatNav will give her spoken instructions every step of the way, of course. I appreciate anxiety about punctuality and driving in the dark - I'm one of those people who turn up at an airport four hours if not more in advance - but for a simple visit to a friend this is way too early.

YABVU. In the time it took to write your post you could have invited your friend in, made her a drink and explained you need to prepare for an interview on Monday.

I’d be hugely annoyed if someone turned up 90 mins early. It’s an imposition. What’s the issue with driving in the dark? She needed to go somewhere to occupy herself for 90 mins or not agree a 6pm meet .

Sitting there visible and and texting is just being pushy to change the arrangement .

In OP’s shoes I would invite her in and back off from the friendship / next ever invite her over again.

this is just not a friend to you is it...you don't like her even

Visible through the window AND texting "let me know when you're ready".

"I'm setting off really early but I don't want to impose", yeah, course you don't.

Could be lots of reasons

• wants to prepare quietly not with friend watching TV or whatever
• would feel too awkward not hosting friend once she's in
• wants to stay in work "headspace" not be taken away from prep for 5-10 min then have to try to get back into it
• friend might do this a lot (ignoring others' requests, being ridiculously early, being a nuisance) and she doesn't want to encourage it.

How is she horrible ? The friend turned up 90 mins early ! That’s just as rude as turning up 90 mins late , it’s not like she’s walked there , she is in her car , it was her choice to be so early when OP had things to do.

😄 I'm genuinely not following you! And I wasn't intending to sneer, but I did assume you were deliberately exaggerating since you kept doing it on the other thread yesterday.

My mistake, and my apologies.

As op is not coming back. I only drive in dark if I really have too, as the car lights hurt my eyes.
But I’m one the awful early person, but I would just stay in my car. And I have a few always late friends, and I always get a very half hearted apology and the feeling that their time is more important than mine.
One friend I now aim to be 15minutes late and she is still late!! I have stopped meeting for coffee.

Wow ... you are friends?

Well then why invite her over in the 1st place? There could be numerous reasons why this "friend" turned up early.
Maybe she was having a really bad time at home and needed to get out?
This is not a "friend" issue its an acquaintance issue. A friend would just let them in and leave the work for the next day.

No, you assumed I was doing it deliberately on the other thread, and then you felt the need to do the same on this one as well for some bizarre reason.

Says more about you than it does about me, tbh.

What an odd question - presumably OP invited her for 6pm because she would be free at 6pm. If she wanted her to come at 4pm then that's what she would have said

I love my friends but I do have other things to do and I wouldn't always be able to just drop everything because they rocked up 90 minutes early.

Your friend was really rude turning up so early. I think you were backed in to a corner to let her in.

You were 'angry' with her? Not much of a friend .

Says more about you than it does about me, tbh.

I promise to take a "long hard look at myself" etc. 😀

Of course you can't leave her outside. What kind of friend does that? Yes, she's annoyingly early, but that's because she started out so early as she was worried she may lose her way. Give her a break!

As people have said, she can always chill and watch TV for a bit while you do what you need to do.

Are you coming back to the thread @youretooearly ? What happened?

PLEASE say you didn't keep her waiting for an hour and a half in the car!

She won't be your friend for long if that happened!

Odd comment. She wanted to see her. At 6.

Think it’s the OP that is lacking awareness & social norms. How could she allow someone she classes as a friend to sit outside in the dark.

I wouldn’t want a friend like you, she’s weird for doing it but you’re also weird for your behaviour and you should have let her in.

Because she was busy and didn't plan to see her friend until 6.

Do you really think it's acceptable to turn up 90 minutes early and expect to be hosted?

There are always threads on MN about having no friends and wondering why

Presumably OP hasn't come back to thread because she pulled herself together, let her friend in, and pointed out the kettle and tv. Then did her prep for the interview and is now enjoying a post-takeaway food coma on the sofa with friend and a glass of wine.

I just want to know - is the friend called Melody?

From the OP:

She responded to say she was planning to leave her house shortly (this was about 3.30pm) as she has never been to my house before and wanted to find her way before it got dark.

So the OP was aware she didn’t know the way and was nervous about driving in the dark and likely to arrive quite early. 1h20 is quite early but she did say “let me know when you are ready”. The OP could have done that.

Surprising considering how much the OP needed the time they can open MN and start a thread complaining about the friend instead of cracking on with the important interview prep.