To leave friend sitting in her car outside my house as she's arrived 90 minutes early

[youretooearly]

I invited my friend over to my house for a takeaway tonight. She asked what time and I said about 6pm. She responded to say she was planning to leave her house shortly (this was about 3.30pm) as she has never been to my house before and wanted to find her way before it got dark. She said not to worry she would just "hang around" somewhere and wouldn't impose. I assumed she meant she would go to a nearby coffee shop or something. I wasn't at home at that stage and told her so. I got home about 45 minutes ago and planned to use the time before she arrived to do more preparation for a job interview I have on Monday.

I walked into my living room about half an hour ago and noticed her car sitting outside my house! So she was here at least 1 hour 20 minutes early. I was shocked. I haven't acknowledged that I've seen her or invited her in yet. She's sent me a message 15 minutes ago "let me know when you're ready". I feel a bit angry that she's turned up so early! I said 6pm for a reason and now feel under pressure to let her in.

She wasn’t expecting to be hosted, she texted the OP to let her know when she was ready, she didn’t ask to be let in early.

Not wanting to drive somewhere completely new in the dark, is a LOT different from being scared of the dark.

She isn't weird for wanting to do the journey in the daylight.

She gave her that information at 3.30 as my post says. The explanation was in the text from the friend not offered as knowledge the OP already had.

Tbh if you aren't confident enough to drive in the dark you should take some extra lessons before driving again because you aren't safe enough to be on the road.

If it was the first time, and my friend hadn't been to my house before, and had come early just to be sure she wasn't late, and she turned up an hour and a half early, I would have been a bit surprised and slightly stressed for about 2 minutes. Then I would have let her in, and asked her to sit in the lounge for a while as I had things to be getting on with, and wouldn't be able to host her just yet. I would do my best to speed up what I needed to do though, and see if anything could wait til tomorrow.

The last thing I would do is make my FRIEND stay outside in her car, in the dark, on a cold, wet, windy, winter night, until I was ready for her. An incredibly shitty thing to do, quite cruel and mean, and an appalling way to treat anyone - let alone someone who is meant to be a FRIEND. I would not have made her feel bad for coming early, or treated her the way the OP intended to do (and some posters think is OK!) Then again, I actually care about my friends, and actually like them.

Plenty of posters showing their true colours on here. Glad I don't have them in my friendship group! Appalling way to behave towards people you call friends!

Its there in the post - she told the OP when she was leaving and why in reply to the OP’s message. So the OP knew she would arrive early or didn’t bother to read the reply when making the arrangements.

Again, the friend was not demanding early entrance - she said “let me know when you are ready”. Instead of cracking on with the important tasks and letting the friend know when she was ready the OP is on here complaining about her.

The OP did read the message and let her friend know she wasn't at home at that point. Of course she was asking for early entrance otherwise she would have knocked in the door at 6, as arranged, rather than texting "let me know when you're ready".

The OP has made one entry on this thread, she's hardly been distracted by MN for hours.

This is weird all round - super weird to arrive that early but also weird to leave her sat in the car - wtaf on both counts?! Are you both neurodiverse by any chance?

Either make her a brew give her the remote and crack on or order your takeaway early. This is baffling on so many levels!

Oh don't talk such rubbish. There are plenty of reasons for not liking driving in the dark, it doesn't make one incapable of driving safely, or not a confident driver.

I'm a perfectly confident driver, but driving somewhere new, for the first time, when you need to see house numbers and street names, is different and harder to do in the dark.

In rural places, sat nav isn't always reliable - case and point if you put my house/street intto either google or waze it sends you 150 meters further up the road the other side of the park, and i constantly have to redirect delivery drivers here. My BFF's house has similar issues because his house is set back up a long drive, the entrance is easy to miss in the dark.. so he's always advised first time guests to come in the daylight.
In new build areas, the sat nav might not have the correct instructions.

There is also the issue of modern headlights causing a dazzle problem, its such a known fact that they're currently investigating how dangerous it actually is.. and for people with Astigmatism or Light Sensitive eyesight, driving at night is known to be harder.

I had a mate like this too. We would agree a time, usually after work, say 6pm. Next thing I know I’m getting messages at like 4pm to say she’s outside, she decided to leave work early. Meanwhile I’m still at work, or the gym, or passing by a shop on the way home etc. so even though I’ve arrived at mine on time, she’s acting as if I’m late because she’s hanging literally outside mine 2 hours early. It added pressure on me even though I did nothing wrong

i generally found the relationship hard work, this was just one thing out of many that led me to distance myself. The truth is her company wasn’t worth the effort.

But the OP's 'friend' has only done it once.

Not normal. Turn lights off and steer clear.

LOL!

So it’s an hour drive?

that is a long way. She was obviously anxious about
it

It's her friend, apparently..jeso...let her bloody in!!!

Hell fire Im glad im not your friend!!

If my time was that precious in this instance I probably wouldn't have logged onto MN to file a report

Why exactly are you quoting me, as if I said otherwise?

Are you insane? So you just sat inside and left her out there? I'd stop being your friend and never come back your crazy!

She hasn’t she sat outside, what I am saying is her friend knew & left her out there…..not really a friend.

Probably because you said you had a friend like this. You don't. OP's friend, unless we get a massive drip feed did it once, your friend was a case of a repeated pattern of behaviour. Not the same thing.

Tbf I don't think the chance of satnav taking you 150 metres from the correct destination is much of a justification for arriving somewhere 1.5 HOURS early. Unless she's driving 0.1km/h for the last leg 😂

i responding to the previous posters assertion of not wanting to drive in the dark meaning you need extra lessons/are unsafe to drive.

If i knew i was arriving somewhere that early, i would do what someone else said, and park up somewhere else for a bit, not outside the house and expect to be let in.

But also, my friends wouldn't leave me sat out there either...so.

I wouldn't have the heart to leave her sitting in her car.
I always think how I would feel if it was reversed.
It might have been that she'd had a bad day at home and needed to get out of the house. Maybe needed her friend to talk to.

Take this as an opportunity to teach some bloody good manners to that stupid woman. Make her wait until exactly the time you had agreed to meet. This woman is purposefully testing the boundaries of your friendship to prove she has some control over you. Don't cave in to those cheap tactics.