To leave friend sitting in her car outside my house as she's arrived 90 minutes early

[youretooearly]

I invited my friend over to my house for a takeaway tonight. She asked what time and I said about 6pm. She responded to say she was planning to leave her house shortly (this was about 3.30pm) as she has never been to my house before and wanted to find her way before it got dark. She said not to worry she would just "hang around" somewhere and wouldn't impose. I assumed she meant she would go to a nearby coffee shop or something. I wasn't at home at that stage and told her so. I got home about 45 minutes ago and planned to use the time before she arrived to do more preparation for a job interview I have on Monday.

I walked into my living room about half an hour ago and noticed her car sitting outside my house! So she was here at least 1 hour 20 minutes early. I was shocked. I haven't acknowledged that I've seen her or invited her in yet. She's sent me a message 15 minutes ago "let me know when you're ready". I feel a bit angry that she's turned up so early! I said 6pm for a reason and now feel under pressure to let her in.

It depends on quite a few variables for me.

Is this a good / close friend? Are they generally bad with time keeping and expect you to accommodate? Was an earlier time initially suggested? Did the friend know you had plans up until 6pm? (I mean in theory you could have been out and not getting home until 5.30pm?)

I understand not liking the imposition on your time but I'm definitely team "let her in" unless there is a massive backstory around this sort of behaviour?

If you don't want to let her in, you could just take a pot of tea out for her to drink in her car.

And possibly wheel the telly out there and set it up on her bonnet so she can watch it through the window.

Yabu massively

Yep. Autistic here too.

It would make me so uncomfortable - I'd force myself to let them in but I would be really thrown by the whole thing and it would make me weirdly anxious and unsettled.

People are on about OP being a bad friend but what about the woman who felt it acceptable to turn up two hours early and loiter around outside? 😬

What on earth.
Fill up a bucket of water, drop a sponge in it and get out there and start cleaning her car whilst she's in it. When she asks what are you doing tell her you've got her worked out

This is the second weirdo thread on friendship i've seen in the last few days.

I hope these kind of 'friendships' never find me...

I'd rather be on the side of happy to talk when they message, and happy to let them in even if they're early side of friendships.

The superior attitude they have over their timekeeping
The "oh but if you not there 15 mins early you are late ".
No you aren't.

Absolutely

I like my friends too. But two hours early might mean I'm working, or in the bath, or doing any manner of things that mean I don't want company.

This whole arrangement is weird. She didn't want to arrive in the dark, but you weren't free until after dark, so why make the 6pm meeting time? Why not do it a different day or do your interview prep tomorrow?

It looks like the friend didn't mention her concerns about finding OP's house in the dark until 3.30 this afternoon which isn't really enough notice if you want to be hosted 90 minutes earlier than planned.

Yikes, just invite her in ffs and be honest! You're supposed to be her friend after all.....?! Tell her to make herself at home but you've got some important paperwork to do in private for an hour or so.

Ah. You've assumed this is a regular occurrence then? Odd that the OP decided to run it by us on this, the umpteenth occasion.

Wow. Just wow.
surely that warrants a behaviour point.
I’d give her a detention if I were you. 🤣🤣

Its no wonder we see many posts on here of people complaining they don’t have many friendships if this is how they treat their friends.

Exactly! Can't have been that imp...bitching about a friend coming to visit is though clearly

Hi Jam, I totally agree with you.

I think 90 minutes works out at an hour and a half (which is more than enough to make it annoying) not two hours.

You're doing that exaggerating thing again.

Or I just made a mistake

Why are you following me to a totally different thread to make a sneery comment? Does it make you feel good about yourself or something?

I don’t know a single person who would leave a friend sitting outside.

I think it’s bizarre she arrived so early but if I had invited a friend for dinner then , she’s obviously a good friend, so I’d invite her in as soon as I noticed she was here.

id never leave a friend sitting outside.

No odd is being an adult scared of the dark and turning up 1.5 hours early. If she wants to be a weirdo that's fine, but deliberately being visible through a window is an imposition on OP who said 6 for a fucking reason.

Unless I'm missing something, it seems like she's behaving courteously, and I don't understand your hysterical melodrama, which I often encounter in AIBU.

Yes, it's an odd choice to sit there, instead of spending that time running an errand or going for coffee. But perhaps she prefers the silence of her car. Perhaps she was hoping you'd be ready early. Perhaps she's having personal chats on her phone and that's the best place to do it privately.

To me, you are being more peculiar than she is.

Obviously leaving your friend on the street in her car YABU. Just say come in, sorry I’ve got to get this done it’ll take me an hour, make yourself at home and go to a rooM to do your interview prep…

Exactly. I've turned up early to things plenty of times (often because it's easier than going home in between) but I park on the next street over and keep busy with admin, or take a nap, or read a book. I don't hang about outside their house for over an hour 😬

I would be seriously pissed off if someone turned up that early. Mostly because I struggle to cope with unknowns, even as seemingly trivial as this. But there’s NO way I’d leave them sitting outside. Not in a million years.