aibu to say no?

[mycathasfangs]

I feel horrible saying no but I have heard so much about people doing this and it all goes wrong, I'm trying to find a way that is right for everyone and not just one person..

30 year old heroin addicted family member keeps asking to move in with me for 'a few days' to 'get off the heroin' I am being pressured by family to help him, being told things like 'families help each other out at times like this, it's on us not other people'

I brought up the fact I live alone and if he is withdrawing then I probably won't feel safe and also scared I will wake up to my tv and phone gone etc, I then get told (this is true but doesn't mean he won't when desperate..) that he has never stolen anything so why would he from me etc. He doesn't have to steal because he constantly gets money from family because we can't just 'abandon him' I say he needs to hit rock botton but get told I don't know what i'm talking about.

He's been on it for three years. sold every item in his flat to buy that shit.

He says he wants to come off it, yet is still buying and using. He gets methadrone and sells it to buy more heroin, He is involved with people I wouldn't want around me.

can people with experience please tell me how it is in reality? anyone actually had someone coming off drugs live with them? or anyone lived with an addict can you tell me how it really is? I will probably show this to my family if I get any replies.

What he wants to happen is for you to take over paying for his life by letting him move in so he can carry on as usual. It’s all a cunning plan under the guise of ‘cold turkey’ Really it’s laughable it’s such a see through pathetic plan.
You are not an idiot. Tell him and your relatives that if he wants to detox to go find the appropriate organisation to do it.
You are not it.

just wanted to thank everyone for taking the time to reply. i will show this to my family tomorrow and hope it's enough to make them see i'm not some miricle worker who has all the answers to everyone's problems in life. there is a history of 'woman look after men at all costs no matter how you feel' in my family so it's nice to see i'm not the only one that thinks i can't do this.

i do think if he was serious about coming off it he would be taking the methadrone which is what its for.. he just sells it to buy more shit, then straight after it's 'i want to sort my life out and get off it, this is the last time' on repeat, for years.

i can't fix everything, i can't even fix my own life.

Nobody except a professional can help him with this . Rehab or outpatient treatment. They are placing you at risk .

Exactly, OP. As for his addiction, as they say in Al-Anon, for family and friends:

You didn't cause it.
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.

No. No No. Absolutely not.

No No No and No.

You ever seen anyone in withdrawal???
Don't do it OP.

No, you can’t manage someone coming off heroin. It’s a job for a professional and, that aside, having a heroin user in your place (with potentially, other users or dealers turning up) is absolutely to be avoided.

There is no way I would agree to this. The whole idea is mad. He needs professional support.

You would be putting yourself at risk if you allowed him to stay.

Absolutely not. YANBU ! That is a horrendous position to put you in. I knew users (in a past life - was not tempted !) One 'friend' took advantage of everyone who tolerated his behaviour and stole the rent money from the mantelpiece of the mutual friend (non user) he was staying with. He never changed despite all the protestations that he would. He died of an overdose. You are very vulnerable if you put yourself in this position and it is NOT your responsibility....stay strong OP.

He might die. He might kill you. He needs professional help.

Absolutely not. Please don't do this.

Even if you can't convince your family that it's a bad idea, you still have the power to say no. Only you can let him into your home. There is a lot of pressure, but you can say no. They have no power over you.

Watch Trainspoting.

No. Its absolutely not safe for both of you and will fail. He knows it too thats why he is keen on this idea.

No not if you don't want to be relieved of possessions etc.addicts are akin to predators always looking for an opportunity.
As pp have said a couple of days isn't going to do a thing and it wouldn't be a couple of days once moved in he'd milk that situation for all it's worth.

Hope your mind is made up by now!
As a pp has said, three or even four days isn't going to get him straight, for good.
He needs supervised care, where there are people experienced in dealing with withdrawals of various types.
Often, other temporary meds are employed by a prescribing doctor. A ‘civilian’ with no experience of either the use or the discontinuation of serious drugs won’t be sufficient to get him through it.
Sure, he can try the famed cold turkey route and be as sick as a dog for days, distressing you and desecrating your home, but its far more likely in that case that he'd find a way to get out and score again. (Any Valium or even Nurofen Plus in your house would be gone in a flash!)
All said, it’s a ridiculous and careless proposition from your family, and you must feel no guilt in refusing.
It’s a job for the medical profession. Stand firm.

He can detox in a detox facility.

He is meant to be on the methadone program but can’t be trusted to follow through with even that.

In my country you have to take each dose of liquid methadone at a pharmacy. I know this because I was picking up a script when all the heroin users were getting dosed on methadone.

There are clinics that your brother can go to to safely detox from methadone. There are drugs they can give him while he detoxes in a safe place. There’s literally a protocol.

He wants access to your flat to steal from you. Also, stealing from you will be preferable to him withdrawing in your home - screaming, sweating and shitting everywhere - because that is what happens. Heroin makes people severely constipated. When he’s coming off it it will be very messy.

That’s what I thought. Specifically the toilet scene. That was such a good movie. But so gross.

He already has his methadone supplied. If he stopped selling it and buying heroin, he could stabilise on the methadone for a time, and then look into programs and detoxes and what rehabs and support are available to tailor down his methadone dose and get off the 'done.

Don’t even think about it. There are reasons why people go into programs and rehab to get off that stuff.

He needs to do withdrawal under medical supervision. Absolutely no for both your sakes.

YANBU. If he is being prescribed methadone then he has contact with professional services already. Is he engaging with recovery programme or peer support like NA? Is he in discussions about rehab or other interventions like subutex? You are right, he is still comtemplating change and not actioning the help that is available. It's incredibly hard to get out of addiction and as PP have said, professional help is what is needed here

No.

if he wants to get off he should get a rehab referral. Absolutely no way when you live alone. I wouldn’t unless there were two big burly men and in the house 24/7.

all it takes is you popping out and coming back to some scary characters and being intimated in your own home. Or god knows what else.

‘He sells his methadone’ tells me he is unlikely ready for detox.
Especially unmanaged detox in someone’s house. He’s living in cloud cuckoo land as are your relatives.
also, getting off heroin doesn’t automatically make them a better person or become a pillar of the community.
its a true source of distress for loved ones when they discover that all the things they blamed on heroin still exist without the drugs.
true rehabilitation is a massive undertaking, overhaul and drastic life changes. It doesn’t come easy and only truly works for a comparatively very small number of people who can be amazing advocates and mentors for others affected by addiction

It’s not possible because if it was that easy then he could say with the 70 year olds. He has access to drs at the methadone clinic. He should talk to them.