To think current concerns over screen time is bordering hysteria

[Tiredboymum22]

I think it’s over the top.

If my kids didnt have screens, nothing would get done. I’m mostly solo parenting. Family can’t babysit, husband works late 6 days a week. Childcare costs are through the roof.

I have a 6-year-old with ASD and a very hyperactive toddler. Eldest is obsessed with numbers and Minecraft, uninterested in his little brother a lot of the time. Up at 4.30 am most mornings too. I give my toddler the tablet when I’m trying to cook or tidy up (once he’s done playing with his toys).

I am criticised by older members of my family and told I should let him “help me” cook. Sorry but no.

Now I’m seeing countless articles and comments about the harm of too much screen time, but I think people are missing a lot of nuance.

aibu?

I wouldn’t say it causes ADHD but it definitely doesn’t help and funny how there’s so much more ADHD now we have so much screen access…

OP didnt mention the children supervising a toddler at all, you've made that up

And mum smoking a fag, well so what. And what OP actually said was 'cooking or sitting around smoking a fag' it wouldnt raise any concern.

Well yes, mums in those days used to sit around and chat while the kids played, theres nothing wrong with that

Its a shame that communities of children dont play together anymore and mums support each other.

Its a shame that awful tragedies lead to the disabling of children's play and children's experiences. We are the poorer for it.

True, but it's my job, my whole career is on computers, so I can't really stop now. I would love to potter in the garden, walk the dog, and climb mountains but it just doesn't pay the bills. Roll on retirement!

DC has always needed a lot of screen restrictions and we let her have a fraction of the screen time of some of her friends, but she is not a toddler anymore.

Kids just keep growing up, so we need to adapt restrictions to make them appropriate for their age. Sometimes we get the balance wrong, like all parents. Then we have to wind things back and try again.

DC can't not use screens - she has homework on apps and Google classroom, she has long distance friends/relatives, she loves to game and watch shite telly like all teens, she also enjoys creative tech like programming, CAD, video editing etc.

There needs to be a happy balance - learning valuable skills is good, braindead staring is bad.

She has time limits, downtime overnight, and content limits (no social media or you tube). Plus we all stick to firm house rules of no screens at the table etc. DH and I also have time limits/downtime/alarms on our phones to stop excessive use, because we know we also have problems with self control!

At some point she will be old enough that we will have to let her manage her own screen time.... but not yet 😬

Tbf this happens in my street to this day - I think because I live in quite a poor area, so I think this is a phenomenon that depends where you live. It’s also a cul de sac which helps - I’ve never called SS cos parents cos never seen any reason to, parents are within shouting distance, although not present in the street (row of terraces so not really any different to kids being in a garden in terms of distance) and the kids all genuinely look out for each other. It’s never concerned me. When people comment on it they generally say - ooh that’s nice to see. It really is a bit 1960s.

Depends on what the screen is being used for, and where it is being used too. Not all screen time is created equally etc.
My kids have 'tablets' but we're very specific about what they can and can't do on there, and also when they can and can't use them. So at home after school whilst dad cooks dinner and I handle an important work call? Fine. In a restaurant with wider family members who've come to see you? NO.
Practicing numbers/creating something on an app/reading a story? Fine. Watching shitty youtube videos of unboxing tat, with kids with bizarre fake voices? NO.

It's the same with tv - as someone who worked in childcare for a long time, most stuff on cbeebies is fine. Cbeebies, and childrens BBC, has a pretty high bar for what is shown on their channels, so it's got to be educational etc (there are a number of different checklists and hoops it's got to go through). Also old movies, and even old tv shows if you can find them, are much better for kids to watch. Whereas hours on end of cocomelon or something not age appropriate is obviously not fine!

I should also add that because of these 'rules' in our house, my kids are fairly good about screens. They're not obsessed and we also don't get that crash after watching tv that puts their nervous system on edge!

ADHD absolutely predates screens and diagnosis can be tricky to get. That said ADHD is hardly helped in the cases of children who have been raised with vast screen/phone time. While its diagnosis is behavioural there will be some false positives and some cases where behaviours have been exacerbated thanks to the influence of screens, poor diet, poor sleep routines etc all working together to produce children with lower literacy, lower emotional regulation and lower concentration.

My kids got little screen time until older and I don’t regret that at all. They did cook with me and shop with me and put washing on with me. It’s not hysterical to look at the decrease in skills shown be early years and to draw the conclusion that screens have a causal relationship to these problems

It's not just either or.

I grew up in 80s London and we roller skated, went to friends' houses, cinema etc. And my parents were very strict. So it was all quite controlled, e.g. don't skate far from the house.

Partner grew up in 80s/90s North, and they would play football, street hockey, explore fields, build makeshift tents, etc. Totally accept that you can't do this in cities.

Neither of us had a screen, and nor did my son when he was born in the late 90s. I was a single parent (son isn't my partner's) and I took him to the park, read, played interactive games etc. And I was penniless.

I can’t choose between YANBU and YABU as I think it’s more nuanced than just screens or no screens. Having brought up 4 children born between 1997 and 2009 I think that an hour and a half watching a Pixar film or playing offline Minecraft is better than half an hour on a fighting game or social media for subsequent behavior and mental health .

Likewise, the age of the child - younger DS used to play Fortnite from about age 14 but always with his older brother also online or DH monitoring who he was playing with. My older two have come off social media and DS1 monitors his gaming carefully, as they both have recognized that it has been detrimental to their mental health when they were younger. They say that them and most of their friends will not be allowing their children to have phones as the content children can access on social media and via search engines is horrific and “we” have no idea what is out there. So I don’t think screen time is always bad, but a lot of the content that comes through them, and the people who can access children through screens is where the stakes are high for harm.

Maybe it's the parents screen use that's holding up school readiness and poor speech as so many times you see kids getting ignored and adults head bent into their phone.

This is type of thing that is a very recent trend.

You lost me at the idea that you can’t get anything done if you don’t give the kids screens

humans have been brought up getting things done for millenia. It’s for your convenience that you give them screens because it’s easier . I know. Been there. Put the effort in

its bad for them , they learn far less than they would form you getting them to help or getting them to keep out of your way

I was referring to when my kids were young and tablets and smartphones hadn’t been invented. There were kids channels on all day. They were a godsend for me

Is there any research to back up the difference between TV screens and tablets/phones etc? My 2 watch a fair amount of TV - the 5 year old probably has an hour or so a day and the toddler will often sit to watch for a bit. But we’ve never owned a tablet as it just felt easier to never have one then to try and implement limits. Will try and hold off as long as possible to be honest.

To be fair, I used to get up at 5 and watch ceefax and the occasional open university programme when I was a kid… it was that or the girl with the clown. Some kids do just get up early.

It absolutely is part of the problem

The lack of eye contact and speech interaction is incredible.

You are BU

I have honestly never understood the need for screen for a toddler. What they don't have, they don't miss. Obviously it's only with your first child that you can stop the tv full stop, when siblings watch they watch too.

However, toddler are either around you or doing their own thing, there's absolutely no need for screens - it's a personal choice but I disagree about the
"only way to get anything done".

How do other parents manage? You adapt depending on the child. Either they are with you, or you put a door gate and they play behind.

There's absolutely no need for screens to get things done - you make the choice to have them, why not, but it's only a choice.

It depends on what they're doing on the screens. I'm happy for DS to be doing actual productive/educational screen things- he's very into coding etc but if I left him to it unsupervised he'd try to be watching YouTube shorts for hours on end.
other ds only likes Roblox etc so I'm more inclined to limit his screen time a bit more because just sitting playing Roblox for hours on end isn't a good use of time especially for a developing brain

Looking at a tablet or a phone is very different to watching half an hour of CBeebies - so the argument about I grew up with screens is nonsense. Gaming is also far more interactive than TikTok/YouTube - though too much of it isn't great.

There's plenty of research into screens contributing to the huge rise in ADHD or ASD.

I managed with two tiny children and a dh away a lot without screens, I'm very glad they weren't an option then, because obviously I see the temptation. But to say it can't be done simply isn't true.

Your family are right, OP, you should stop it.

Great - another judgy thread - the know it alls will be orgasmic.

I think the world is different now than it was 18 or more years ago.

There's a difference between TV time and gaming time.

Compared to young kids even young than 1 years of age being brought up on YouTube and stuff like Cocomelon.

Cocomelon has been called Crack for kids.

The bright colours and quick changes in scene make it almost impossible for kids to turn away from the screen.

When your kids are young. Would they be sat at a restaurant with their faces in a tablet while eating??

Smartphones now, have access to so much social media- tiktok. YouTube.snapcbat etc.

Some kids just have their faces in a phone.

You don't say how long ago your kids applied to Oxford. But if its more than 5 years ago even for teens there has been a huge shift in how long they spend on their phones.

Hi OP. Firstly I fully understand your situation, my youngest is ASD non verbal,6. I've had to give up work to care for her as school is currently able to manage 3 hours a morning. She's in year 2. It's really hard. The state of my house is testament! 😅

The danger is, and this is exponentially more damaging to a non neurotypical child, they don't have the desires to do normal kid things in the same ways if they are exposed to the tablets and screens too much or too early. There is a lot of peer reviewed data and it is certainly not exaggerated. You also increase the potential massively for them to retreat to the screen/internet/computer games at times they really need to face whatever it is that is causing them to desire the escapism and solitude. Add the that what they will be exposed to and how gradually it will happen, it's very hard to put rules in place for a 10-14 year old around something they have had plenty of free access to all their living memory. Don't underestimate the damage to a toddler with Autism and other SEN, the path leads no where good.

That said, of course a bit of screen time is fine and sometimes you absolutely need to get a few minutes uninterrupted to do things that need doing,. You're not lazy or a bad parent and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I allow the TV to be on songs (YouTube, I'm always present as she can't assess risk well enough to be left (Ed Psych assessment) more than a few minutes at a time. That brings me to another important point re. giving a toddler a tablet to entertain themselves. We allowed our daughter to use the tablet (same room, same song play list she is currently obsessed with) and then I saw her trying to get her tongue in the hole for the charger. Yep. Turned on, oldish tablet, fullish battery. I don't sleep much. 🤣

Hope this helps and doesn't sound judgey, just wanted to be honest and answer your question.

You'd be surprised.

I know someone who gives their 14 year old unlimited access to smart phone and gaming.

Games until at least 3am in the morning on a school night and then they are worried he is always tired at school.

I think in particular tablets are the worst offender here- they can literally just walk around glued to it having constant stimulation designed to be addictive, they don't stand a chance against that. Adults struggle to limit their own screen time let alone children.
im not judging because I had about a solid year where my mental health was really bad and my kids were young where I let them be pretty much constantly on their tablets. It was very detrimental to their behaviour and general happiness and development.
we don't have tablets any more (but do allow
an amount of screen time just not excessive) and they are thriving.
I think there needs to be more regulations regarding content aimed at children- particularly very small pre school children. Coco melon etc is so over stimulating and I don't think it should be allowed. whereas even just CBeebies shows are some ha educational and usually slower paced, kids won't sit in a trance watching CBeebies all day they'd get bored and do other things.

It’s not judgy to be worried about children.
Experienced reception and infant school children are noticing dramatic changes in school children.
I volunteer with children and want them to grow and develop and have opportunities. Leaders dealing with the youngest 4-6 group are noticing similar issues to school teachers.
In OP’s case older family members are noticing effect it’s having on them.

It’s just another way for parents to feel superior over one another. For me, it’s all about balance. Kids shouldn’t be mindlessly scrolling 24/7 at the expense of going out, playing, interacting with others etc. But half an hour here and there so you can get housework done is not an issue. My ds is a big gamer but he also plays loads of sport. If he wants to relax on his PS then I’m not going to stop him. Half of the time I’m scrolling on my phone anyway so who am I to judge.