AIBU for hating people wanting “a taste” of my food?

[HereComesAuntySocial]

I went out for brunch with a friend which we do quite often, we usually order different meals. .

Every time we go anywhere she takes ages to decide what she’s having and questions me about what I’m going to order and makes suggestions when I just want to choose my own bloody food!

When we get our meals she will start eating her own then eyeing up mine and ask me if she can “have a taste?”
I don’t understand this at all, It’s often something she’s likely to have had before, I don’t see the point in just trying a small amount of a meal because what if you really like it? Is it not disappointing knowing then you can’t have more or having food envy wishing you’d ordered the same?

Sometimes she offers me a taste of her food first (just the wording of this is really winding me up) and I know it’s so she can then dip into my meal.
If I refuse she keeps on at me but I’d had enough today so I said no firmly and told her I just wanted to eat what I’d ordered.
She laughed and said “well I’m still tasting yours” and before I could stop her she’d stuck her used fork into my smoked salmon and scrambled egg.

I lost my temper and pushed her fork away with mine and then said I actually didn’t want my food now and she could have it.
I was really angry and she seemed taken aback and said it was a complete overreaction and it’s normal to try each other people’s food when eating out.

Unfortunately I have experienced this before and I’ve been out with groups of friends where people have asked to taste each other food and I just think it’s so unhygienic and puts people under pressure to say no.
I also really hate people staring at what I’m eating and commenting on it with things like
“oh that looks nice? What’s in it? What does it taste like?“
I had to stop eating my lunch in front of other people at work feeling like I was expected to start offering it round.
I fell out with a colleague once who was hanging around quizzing me like he’d never seen a chicken baguette before, he got highly offended when I said he reminded me of a seagull waiting to dive bomb me.

Another food crime is people who don’t ask and just take food off your plate, I find that men are the worst offenders who ask if you are planning to finish your meal or wait until you are taking a small break from eating and lunge at it before you get a chance to stop them.
My BIL used to make comments like “you can’t possibly eat all that” or “where do you put it all?”It made me feel like he was trying to shame me into not finishing so he could eat the rest so I refuse to eat with him now unless it’s unavoidable.

I know some people say they love the experience of sharing food and it makes it more enjoyable to try different things, I have friends who start offering round “a taste” of their meals before they have even tried it themselves, I just find it weird!

Whilst all these are annoying scenarios to me, nothing is as bad as people who order a small meal or nothing at all claiming they aren’t hungry but then they change their mind and ask for some of mine - or worst still start helping themselves. There is a special place in hell for those people - especially when it’s a pudding I’ve been looking forward to, fuck off Janice we will not need “two spoons” 😂.

AIBU to get so pissed off about this or was Joey right when he just made it clear he doesn’t share food?!

I hate this as well op.

I’ve got coeliac disease and once mil stuck her used fork from her gluten containing meal right into my gf meal to try it.. I couldn’t eat it after that

Very annoying behaviour on their part. That would drive me nuts too. Also - smoked salmon and scrambled egg - surely she’s tasted that before, there’s only so much variation you can have in it after all

I think this must be about you for the simple reason that you seem to be surrounded by people who want to taste your food and this is not normal. I don't think I have ever met anyone that has asked to taste my food and can't believe that so many are trying to taste your food. You must be giving off some kind of weird energy. As for your friend diving in when you said no - you must be not saying no firmly enough. You really need to work on your boundaries.

stop looking at my chicken taco like it's the last lifeboat on the Titanic!

🤣🤣

He has been... re-educated... 🤫

He'd have been under my patio. It's a miracle DKitten is still alive

l hope you told the greedy disgusting witch that.

You aren’t unreasonable at all, that’s gross. I have a friend that would you would go and see and if you were having a drink…tea, coffee whatever really but more so a squash, she would take a slurp of it before giving it to you to make sure the strength was ok. So gross 🤢

I'm not coeliac but really sensitive to gluten. Hate it when they want to share my food, but I can't share theirs, thus leaving me with - less food, you motherlickers! 😡

But luckily I'm old and don't take this shizzle any more...

I mean, I could imagine doing this! I haven’t done in a big group but I’d definitely say it’s normal to offer others some of my food and try theirs. I don’t do it every time, but to answer your question, the ‘having a taste’ thing wouldn’t happen if it’s a restaurant I’ve been to before and tried that same dish myself before. But I don’t go out that much that that really happens.

Sharing tastes is about getting a try of more than just one thing on the menu, often it’s so hard to decide.

I didn’t know it could be seen as so bad! Intruiging, I love learning these kind of things from MN. I wonder if it’s regional , I’d imagine most people I know do this but maybe not!!

I'd be standing in the kitchen, watching over her like a hawk, to make sure she didn't put her grubby lips or tongue anywhere near my drink.

I guess the only way to do this hygienically is to take one forkful of each other’s food before you have used your fork. But I still think it’s gross unless it’s my own family. It’s also faffy and annoying having bits of food and gravy and whatever going all over the table. Kind of stressful somehow!

No cant say it happens everyday but yes colelagues are the main ones and friends who bring friends, so the main annoyances are people who need to give me a running commentary on how many calories, what the ingredients are, need to go into detail about whatever new diet they cant stop going on about, how they should or should not eat whatever it is, whatever else they have eaten or planning on eating

yet still want to taste other peoples food and go ''Oh I shouldnt really have half of your brownie but if it is yours I can pretend I am not eating it'' or other over the top infortmation I never askefd to hear, I am sorry to anyone obessed with weight loss but no one else

and if this gives me a label of not caring how many calories you have eaten then I am happy with whatever label we are using now for not giving a....

Dreadful manners. Especially as you'd been so clear. Domineering too.

Would she want a go on your husband as well?

@PollyBell ''Oh I shouldnt really have half of your brownie but if it is yours I can pretend I am not eating it''

Ooooh, THIS! You've hit the mark there! 🤬

I don’t like trying other people’s food because it unbalances the palette from what I am eating.

i don’t want people digging into my food because as soon as I have my plate, my brain visually segments out the bites. It happens by default. Just a fun little asd quirk I guess because I don’t think most people do that. Now someone has come and messed with my eating plan.

I don’t think being annoyed about someone stabbing their fork in your food to try it when they have their own meal makes her unfathomably annoyed about anything!! Who does that?

I fucking DETEST the modern fashion for sharing food. IF I want to share something I will suggest doing so when we order. Otherwise I will eat it all myself, whatever it is. Worst of all, the healthy eating friend who brags about her healthy food choices then sits staring longingly at MY food.

GAH.

DH and I quite often share bits of our meals with each other but I'd never do that with anyone else.

I'm amazed so many people around you are after your food. Apart from with DH (which is mutually agreed and our norm) I've never been asked for any of my meal or asked anyone else for theirs. I think you need to be very close and comfortable with someone to be OK with food sharing from a plate.

I love to watch other people’s food going past in restaurants, certainly don’t mind if I’m asked what I’ve got. One of the most memorable meals I’ve ever eaten was a salad in Italy that reprogrammed my whole attitude to salads. A group of Americans at the next table all craned their necks to have a look and told the waiter they’d have what I was having. That’s entirely acceptable appreciation of good food. Completely different from someone grabbing a bit of your food.

This blows my tiny wee mind; why would anyone feel that taking food off another friend’s plate is all part of the experience?! Is there a word for this sort of behaviour - a plate poacher maybe!

Luckily, any of my friends or family who are keen on sharing tend to be of the offering type rather than a scrounger. I might offer to DH or the kids if we’ve had something unusual or delicious. Never mates.

My FIL sounds a lot like your seagull colleague. It would drive me crazy. Any time we ate with the in-laws he’d be the first to jump in for anyone else’s left overs. It got worse when I was pregnant. We ate in local cafe and he came back with a small sandwich and announced he’d just have some of my chips as they’d given me so many. I pretended to ignore him and ate every last chip. It was never financial.

When the kids were small, he’d hover around to jump on their leftovers. I had to tell him to wait until the kids had finished (they would take their time and so they should). Now the kids can out eat him so his focus has moved to my MIL’s plate instead.

My curry is not part of a buffet.

I think you are right.

Id only ask to try from my husband, my dad (although they'd offer anyway). I always ask my kids first before I nick a chip off their plate.

oh balls! Didn’t mean to vote, so I’ll comment instead YANBU. DH and I sometimes can’t decide what to order so we order two separate meals and then go halvies! , but hell we share a bed, so germs ain’t an issue! And sometimes Ds tries a bit of my food, but that doesn’t bother me either, as he’s very small, and very fussy, so I’d gladly give him my food if he liked it. But just NO to anyone else!
I’m not surprised you were pissed OP, and your mate massively overstepped the mark, just refusing to listen to you, is not okay. She should have been contrite, and not getting defensive by saying everyone does it.
Good for you for saying enough is enough.

DH and I will normally swap a taste if we’re at a decent restaurant. Wouldn’t bother if we were at Nando’s. Occasionally his is better, but I’ve never felt disappointed about it. We like to due to curiosity and a desire to understand how different ingredients work together and maybe to inspire ourselves to try it when we cook.

I only do this with DH or DC, though. Taking food from someone else’s plate with used cutlery seems like double dipping at a buffet - doesn’t matter with nuclear family as we’re almost certainly sharing everything anyway, but no need to get that intimate with other people. I’m not actually all that bothered about hygiene to that extent, currently have a good immune system that seems to keep me pretty well covered. So if someone asked and I liked them, I’d happily give them some (would expect to cut it an offer it myself, though, would be shocked if they stuck their fork in my plate). I wouldn’t ask someone as seems very likely to overstep boundaries for most people.

Agree that cleaning up someone’s left overs seems greedy (as does the sticking their fork in your food thing too), but I also know several people brought up in poverty who just can’t stand waste, so I try not to let that association stick.

I think your friend’s actions sound partially just a matter of different social norms (you seem to know quite a lot of people who do this so it seems quite common where you are?) but you say she knows you don’t like it and so her “well I’m still tasting yours” and sticking her fork in was really off. I’m glad you put your foot down and told her off. Hopefully, despite the defensiveness at the time, she’ll reflect on it and realise she was pushing things and in the wrong.