AIBU for hating people wanting “a taste” of my food?

[HereComesAuntySocial]

I went out for brunch with a friend which we do quite often, we usually order different meals. .

Every time we go anywhere she takes ages to decide what she’s having and questions me about what I’m going to order and makes suggestions when I just want to choose my own bloody food!

When we get our meals she will start eating her own then eyeing up mine and ask me if she can “have a taste?”
I don’t understand this at all, It’s often something she’s likely to have had before, I don’t see the point in just trying a small amount of a meal because what if you really like it? Is it not disappointing knowing then you can’t have more or having food envy wishing you’d ordered the same?

Sometimes she offers me a taste of her food first (just the wording of this is really winding me up) and I know it’s so she can then dip into my meal.
If I refuse she keeps on at me but I’d had enough today so I said no firmly and told her I just wanted to eat what I’d ordered.
She laughed and said “well I’m still tasting yours” and before I could stop her she’d stuck her used fork into my smoked salmon and scrambled egg.

I lost my temper and pushed her fork away with mine and then said I actually didn’t want my food now and she could have it.
I was really angry and she seemed taken aback and said it was a complete overreaction and it’s normal to try each other people’s food when eating out.

Unfortunately I have experienced this before and I’ve been out with groups of friends where people have asked to taste each other food and I just think it’s so unhygienic and puts people under pressure to say no.
I also really hate people staring at what I’m eating and commenting on it with things like
“oh that looks nice? What’s in it? What does it taste like?“
I had to stop eating my lunch in front of other people at work feeling like I was expected to start offering it round.
I fell out with a colleague once who was hanging around quizzing me like he’d never seen a chicken baguette before, he got highly offended when I said he reminded me of a seagull waiting to dive bomb me.

Another food crime is people who don’t ask and just take food off your plate, I find that men are the worst offenders who ask if you are planning to finish your meal or wait until you are taking a small break from eating and lunge at it before you get a chance to stop them.
My BIL used to make comments like “you can’t possibly eat all that” or “where do you put it all?”It made me feel like he was trying to shame me into not finishing so he could eat the rest so I refuse to eat with him now unless it’s unavoidable.

I know some people say they love the experience of sharing food and it makes it more enjoyable to try different things, I have friends who start offering round “a taste” of their meals before they have even tried it themselves, I just find it weird!

Whilst all these are annoying scenarios to me, nothing is as bad as people who order a small meal or nothing at all claiming they aren’t hungry but then they change their mind and ask for some of mine - or worst still start helping themselves. There is a special place in hell for those people - especially when it’s a pudding I’ve been looking forward to, fuck off Janice we will not need “two spoons” 😂.

AIBU to get so pissed off about this or was Joey right when he just made it clear he doesn’t share food?!

People are very uptight about germs. Apparently you leave the tube with at least 5 different people's fecal matter on yours hands. If you used the bathroom in the restaurant, unless you antibaced the taps etc, you're covered in bacteria. Fork germs are the least of your worries.

@SingedSoul

other peoples fork germs are simply not necessary in my food. Whereas using public toilets is hard to avoid. Also I’m not going around licking surfaces in a toilet whereas with food it people have deposited their germs in it I’m gonna be consuming it aren’t I and therefore more likely to get ill. No thanks. Greedy people can just back off and eat their own food, and learn some manners whilst they’re at it.

@SingedSoul germs aren’t the main point. Doing something to a friend or colleague who has told you no, because you want to, regardless of what she wants, is the point.

I fucking hate people asking for a taste. I will sometimes off DH or my best friend, but not often. I’m the youngest of 6 so I’m used to people snatching off my plate. I developed some pretty weird food habits to stop this like covering everything in brown sauce when I was a kid.

It's not unreasonable to find it mildy irritating. The extent to which it bothers you though is unreasonable.

she put her used fork in anyway - violating and disgusted

It’s perfectly reasonable to be bothered by a friend repeatedly ignoring your wishes and taking an odd pride in doing so, whatever the subject of the wishes might be.

The old technique of licking everything first to ward off predators was my preferred method. Tricky with scrambled eggs I suppose but not impossible.

Your friend is incredibly rude. She knew your boundary and trampled all over it for her own selfish reasons, while at the same time making out that you were the one in the wrong and being unreasonable for not giving her your own food. It’s really fucking cheeky. It doesn’t matter whether people think sharing food is a good or bad thing; it matters that your friend knows you don’t want it and did it anyway. It’s like bringing kids to a childfree wedding - they are clearly saying, ‘My wishes are more important than your needs and I although I know I will, don’t care if I make you angry and uncomfortable, because I am selfish and greedy.

My husband is annoying cos he always insists I try some of his food in a restaurant. I never want to. My daughter has followed suit to the point she will badger me to try something so I have to literally shout at her no

It is so annoying. My BIL had form for this, as did my MIL. I would lose my croissant or sometimes find my soup had mysteriously slid away... no joke.

Last time we ate together my BIL started his usual OH WOW LOOK AT YOURS THAT LOOKS ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS!!

And I said, yes, it looks good. And didn't offer him a thing.

Then my son asked for some and I let him share it with me haha... I did briefly wonder reading this thread if I am setting him up to be someone who expects to eat off other people's plates but I don't think he would because he knows it's a special mum privilege... hopefully.

I think it’s just one of those things some people like and some people don’t. I love sharing food. I know other people don’t so wouldn’t do it unless I knew how they felt. I remember the first time my DS had a takeaway at somebody else’s house and came home amazed because they each had their own dish rather than putting it all in the middle of the table and sharing!

Hi, not the person you’ve asked all the questions to but my partner and I “share food/tastes” so I can probably provide some insight. Firstly I will preface this with that both of us are massive foodies, love finding new largely independent places to eat and I wouldn’t ever really share food with other people unless they were a VERY good friend/family member.

We consider having a taste as having a taste of the main element, for example if we were trying a new fish dish, it would be a taste of the fish, however saying that, if another part of the meal was particularly yummy, then we might “taste” that. Normally it’s just a bite of whichever bit and it is normally always reciprocated between the two of that. However, how it works with us is that we look at the menu and normally order two meals we both want to try and then whoever likes which plate best eats that. If we have something generic, we always offer the other person a bite if they want it, sometimes we take it, other times we don’t. I don’t eat a lot of meat whereas my partner does so I will always put any extra meat onto his plate at the start as I know roughly how much I will eat. He always asks me “am I sure?” when I do this. Plus we both will always happily swap meals with the other if one doesn’t really like what they’ve got but this doesn’t happen often with us. I guess for us the experience of eating out together is to experience different foods and finding out what we do/don’t like and what we could possibly try to recreate at home. We wouldn’t be able to do this without “tasting” what the other has to see if we would like it to have at home. I hope that makes sense. But I would never expect anyone to offer me a taste of their food but would always offer a taste of mine. That offer, from me, is never to get an offer back, I just like to offer in case they might also like it for the next time. If they have food envy then surely that is on them? It’s not your or my responsibility for their feelings.

In response to your question about the ingredients, no you can’t often tell as for some people it’s about the texture of things. For example, something could have all the ingredients I like but if the texture is off, it would make me feel sick. So having a taste helps me know if it would ever be worth ordering for myself. For example, my partner loves chocolate chia pudding. I’ve had chia seeds in a smoothie before, I bloody love chocolate and I like milk, vanilla, etc. however I cannot stand chia pudding, the texture is the most revolting thing ever, I feel physically sick when I’ve tasted it. I tasted my partner’s and it was a big nope for me.

I hope that’s helped answer some of your questions.

That's quite a stretch from the situation the OP actually described!

Just speak plainly and say don't stick your fork in my scran, because it pathologically pisses me off. Why sit quietly, expectantly fizzing?

I'm not a taster btw (and I don't like people helping themselves to side dishes that I ordered) but I'd rather lunch with tasters than martyrs. The idea that you'd entirely avoid eating with someone rather than just unclench your arse and say "btw, don't".

My (very good) friend stole a chip once. I warned her. She did it again. I jabbed her in the hand with my fork as she whipped away with the chip. She didn’t do it a third time.

I can tell you why people do it. I obviously wouldn't if you'd made it clear you didn't like it, and in fact offer/accept shares less than most of my friends, but I do get it.

It's a law of diminishing returns thing. The tastiest mouthful of any given dish is the first one. Your 20th forkful of the same thing is just more of the same, whereas swapping it for one forkful of something different is different and therefore better. So if you swap a bite of someone else's you get to enjoy that different taste and they get to enjoy the taste of yours, which they see as a win/win. Some people see that as an advantage of eating out and having more than one interesting dish on the table.

I'm fussy, often there's only one thing I fancy so it doesn't suit me to swap. Luckily my family and friends aren't rude enough to try to swap mine unless I offer, I think etiquette is you offer your own food if you are willing and if other people want to accept then it's polite to offer the same in return.

Absolutely not! I am totally with the OP on this.

Nothing to do with germs, it's just horrible manners.

The only person I "swap" with is my husband, and that's because our boundaries are different AND we've both established that we're ok with that. We still don't go stabbing our forks onto each other's plates when we're out in public, because we're not tacky.

Imagine being so interested in your friend's plate of food that you couldn't resist asking for "a taste" of it. That's something a little child does.

What a strange country we are, when you think of it. This would look strange on the continent, where food in common is the norm.

I think you’re confused, that’s sharing dishes, where they share from dishes in the middle, it is not common to eat off each others individually portioned meals.

Well yeah with takeaway and in restaurants where it's the cultural norm to share (ie Chinese or Indian) I would generally share - I love the Bhuna skit but it's not how I'd eat that takeaway myself. We would make sure each dish had its own serving spoon too so there's no digging in with forks that have been in people's mouths, which is obviously gross.

But in a restaurant where you order a plate of food that's been ordered off the menu as a complete meal - like smoked salmon and scrambled eggs - then there's no way I'd want someone digging their fork in. If you are eating Indian food for example there are separate serving spoons for the rice and other dishes so it's hygienic.

There are people that eat like pigs when it's a shared takeaway and they also annoy me. But that's another thread.

Agree I think folks are getting confused between sharing dishes in rhe middle where you all take a bit from onto your individual plate and what the op is talking about, individual portions given to people and someone then eating of your plate.

If she’s a good friend, I’d have a tactful convo with her. If you’ve made it clear numerous times you don’t want mutual food tasting, and she’s still persisting, she obvs can’t pick up on cues or thinks YABU. So, the only option is to tell her straight.

Appears some people are brought up this way, and perhaps so are most of their friends. So they think it’s what everyone does - and possibly also think anyone who doesn’t like it is being uptight.

The only time I’d ever offer someone to try my food is if it’s off-the-scale delicious and the person is my partner. Never routinely. And never with a friend. None of my family, bfs or friends have done this either.

I’m laid back and not that squeamish about hygiene in general. But people who scoff other people’s leftovers have always grossed me out - and are nearly always men. Other than if it’s their toddler’s uneaten snack, maybe.

The only person who has done this with me is dh and I hate it. Friends offer me sips of their cocktails to try if we’re out and I always feel uncomfortable about sharing germs!

uabu about people saying your food looks nice, bit of an overreaction with the seagull comment and kinda rude

I would think a repeat lunch date is off the cards!