To feel really angry with my daughter shagging about??

[Spooky2000]

Ok, so she's 26. She lives with me having returned after a few years living with a bf that she broke up with. Yeah, young, carefree and single. EXCEPT.

She shags virtually every guy she meets (she tells me) and doesn't use condoms. She hooks up with men she knows are bad for her but she she does it anyway because she fancies them and lies to me about the hooking up, because she thinks I'll believe her. 🙄I make out that I do, but I'm not stupid!

Now, don't get me wrong, she is single and can shag whomever she likes as often as she likes. I'm annoyed for the reasons that: she doesn't use condoms; that if she takes a shine to one and shags him she's upset when he ghosts her; that she's little interest in anything but "boys" and it's like living with a teenager and I hate it, frankly. She should grow up and start acting more responsibly.

She's zero interest in anything or anyone but her phone. She wants to adopt a dog, but given how she's now treating mine, I will not allow it and frankly, plan to sabotage that because a reasonable discussion cannot be had with her at present as to why she isn't responsible or reliable.

I really mean that, it's like having a child all over again in the sense of having to take responsibility - which rest assured dear reader, I will be shrugging off.

How does she treat your dog OP?
If she is ill treating your dog why are you allowing this?

I don't think she will be carefree for very long if she is sleeping with multiple men without protecting herself from STI's and pregnancy. But she is an adult and you can't make her act like a sensible adult.

Expecting your mum to be an audience for these conversations is really off. Refuse to discuss any of it. What’s happening with the dog?

Ew what a vile way to describe your own daughter! I’m actually cringing at you using the the terms “shags about”.

Is she bringing men into your home for sex - You can tell her to stop or ask her to move out.

If she is going elsewhere for sex - Then it’s really none of your business. She’s old enough to realise that unprotected sex can end up in pregnancy or with an STI and she’s old enough to deal with the consequences.

going by your post it's only a matter of time until she catches something nasty, and if she's mistreating your dog may it be very nasty.

So who will be raising your endless grandchildren

If she’s telling you all about it and you’re not bollocking her then she might think you’re ok with it? You do still have parenting responsibilities in the form of guidance IMO. Is she ok? Aren’t you worried about her self esteem if she can’t say no and isn’t protecting herself? How is she otherwise- does she have a job, a life plan etc or could she be a bit immature and maybe feeling lost, looking for a “sign” and playing roulette so if she ends up pregnant then that’s her life path?
Are you ok with being a grandma and the responsibilities that would bring if she doesn’t stop behaving like this? I would definitely be worried and be having serious caring conversations and looking after her welfare.

I was going to assume you were being judgemental from the tone of your post (as the daughter who "shagged about" in the eyes of my puritanical Catholic mother) but not using protection is very silly. However, at 26 you can still be a bit of an idiot and in 10 years she may look back and cringe as the f*ck boys she was obsessed.

Honestly, I would buy her the book "Block, Delete, Move On" by Lalala Let Me Explain (she's a great podcaster and columnist but writes under a pseudonym). She does need a kick up the bum, but its less about shagging about and more about respecting herself, expecting more from men and learning not to tie her self worth to male validation.

I say all of this as a former serial shagger and recovering Pick-Me. Try speaking her language with her and maybe get her to follow accounts of women (her age, mind, there are plenty) who model happiness with themselves and valuing their time and energy compared to some dusty gross man who just wants sex.

She can "shag" who she wants and there's nothing you can do about it, I'm afraid. She's an adult and she needs to make her own mistakes.

I think you're well past the point of being able to guide her at her age, but as a mother of course you are welcome to try. We only want the best for our children after all.

I'm more bothered about the dog. What does she do to your dog?

If she mistreats the poor thing, why the ever living fuck are you allowing her to stay in your home?

She needs to move out. There's no other way.
You need to tell her you are her mother, not her house mate and as such you cannot abide her choices as it hurts your heart too much because you want more for her.
Tell her that in order to preserve your relationship she must move out by a specific date and that it isn't up for negotiation because you do not think her life style is safe or healthy and you cannot live with seeing it. Tell her she is better than the way she is treating herself and you hope she will see that.

Yes just tell her she has to go if only to protect your dog.
She can do what she likes with her life and body ,and you won't have to know about it if she isn't living with you.

At 26, you’d want to think your dd would know better. However, it sounds as if there are a lot of things she hasn’t yet figured out. So maybe you could have a gentle chat with her if that’s something you’d like to do? I’d want to talk more about STDs and her emotions rather than pregnancy as any message you want to deliver about those will be lost.

Maybe you know these things already. Has your dd had an STD before? Have any of her friends? Is she under the impression that having sex with a guy will make him want her more?

This is written by a guy, it has some interesting stuff in it that maybe your dd isn’t aware of. https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/sex/why-women-should-make-men-wait-for-sex-part-ii I particularly like the bit about making a guy wait will scare away anyone, who’s just after sex.

Of course she can shag whomsoever she wants as is being pointed out to you. And you don’t have to put up with it in your home. However, it sounds as if this is not doing anything good for her mental health and she is risking physical health. And she risks contracting a really nasty STD like herpes or HIV that won’t go away with a course of antibiotics.

Your dd does seem to be acting a lot younger than her age, which means for whatever reason she’s not yet learned some stuff about being an adult, which would be really useful to know. Hopefully she would be receptive to a gentle conversation or two.

It sounds like if your dd could work out the emotional stuff, she’d not have sex as fast so the STD issues would be of less concern. But I’d still be encouraging her to get checked out.

How else would you describe it? ‘Meeting likeminded young men for active pursuits’? She’s shagging about, pure and simple.

Ha agree call a spade a spade.

Also the Dd is kind of making it ops business by living with her and being rather too frank about her activities.

Yuk. This has got to be written by some weird perv.

Those were my thoughts and the early hours post.
During the night can be weird and wonderful.

My only concern is for the dog lol.

She shags virtually every guy she meets (she tells me)...

She hooks up with men she knows are bad for her but she she does it anyway because she fancies them and lies to me about the hooking up,,,

Well, which is it? Either she tells you or she doesn't.

🤔I have no words

Is she on a hormonal method of contraception seeing as she's not using condoms? What will she do if she gets pregnant.

She’s probably depressed and suffering from low self esteem and finding it difficult to move on from adolescence. Therapy?

It’s all very well to say she’s old enough to deal with the consequences of unprotected sex, but if one of those is a baby it very likely won’t be her dealing with it, but still OP should sit back and let her get on with it?

Me too she be gawwwwn to shag about as much as she likes !

Shag shag shag

What a horrible word 😩

Sounds like self harm and destructive behaviour. Were you a good mother? Was she well supported, loved and encouraged to be a decent person?

FFS just tell us the dog is OK. She can control what she does but the poor dog doesn't get a say.