To feel really angry with my daughter shagging about??

[Spooky2000]

Ok, so she's 26. She lives with me having returned after a few years living with a bf that she broke up with. Yeah, young, carefree and single. EXCEPT.

She shags virtually every guy she meets (she tells me) and doesn't use condoms. She hooks up with men she knows are bad for her but she she does it anyway because she fancies them and lies to me about the hooking up, because she thinks I'll believe her. 🙄I make out that I do, but I'm not stupid!

Now, don't get me wrong, she is single and can shag whomever she likes as often as she likes. I'm annoyed for the reasons that: she doesn't use condoms; that if she takes a shine to one and shags him she's upset when he ghosts her; that she's little interest in anything but "boys" and it's like living with a teenager and I hate it, frankly. She should grow up and start acting more responsibly.

She's zero interest in anything or anyone but her phone. She wants to adopt a dog, but given how she's now treating mine, I will not allow it and frankly, plan to sabotage that because a reasonable discussion cannot be had with her at present as to why she isn't responsible or reliable.

I really mean that, it's like having a child all over again in the sense of having to take responsibility - which rest assured dear reader, I will be shrugging off.

TBH your daughter is an now an adult so who she sleeps with is really up to her , however , this is very risky behaviour & she may well be setting herself up for some very unpleasant health issues which could affect her quality of life both now & in years to come .

Your daughter’s sexual antics aside, you’re right to veto her adopting a dog. I presume she doesn’t interact with it rather than being physically cruel to it. If it’s the latter then she’d be out no ifs no buts.
As for her shagging about, she’s an adult and it’s her body, her choice. If she’s carrying on this behaviour in your house then I’d be making it clear that it’s unacceptable and I’d be asking her to move out.

She sounds unhappy and is trying to seek validation in men. I think she needs to talk to someone.

I'm struggling to understand a parent/adult child relationship where the child would, willingly and unprompted, discuss their casual sex adventures with their own mother. Particularly in terms of 'shagging everyone I meet'.

What made her think this is an appropriate topic of conversation in the first place? Did she grow up hearing other adults, like maybe your friends, doing this?

I think if she’s bringing men back to your house then you have a right to say no, she can’t do it. My cousin went through a phase like this after he got divorced. He was a similar age. My aunty would come downstairs to find him shagging in her living room and she of course was pissed about it.

This is good advice. I'd be trying to have conversations with her about self worth and why she defines herself so completely through these men. I'd encourage chats about all aspects of life - any plans or goals in terms of career, fitness, interests, skills and hobbies. If she's living with you, just steer the conversation endlessly off the men and onto anything else she might be persuaded to care about. Start small. Drag he rout to the cinema or to an exhibition or a cookery class under the pretence of keeping you company and then try to discuss it afterwards. Keep going from there.

And I would also have some very blunt chats about contraception, STDs and how a high number of different sexual partners has been linked to cervical cancer which can also lead to problems with fertility later on, so it is very important for her health to start using protection and maybe aiming a bit more for quality over quantity.

I think a lot of young people do act very wildly well into their twenties and then suddenly calm down.

I used to work with a woman who who literally shag anyone
it was sad because ultimately her self esteem and self worth was on the floor. She loved the attention and made her feel empowered and in control for all the wrong reasons

She’s 26 she’ll have had the HPV one as a teenager

She is ignoring him and did let him in her room, but now doesn't even do that. His water will be running low when I come in from walk and she will have been home all 5(I have a dog walker come in when I'm at work, even if she's home). The dog walker is her age, fgs! And she's more responsible!

I hope that you experience an irresponsible daughter one day then. 😈

I have tried talking to her and asked her to please use condoms and be responsible for her own health and that if others. I won't say her response but I say again, she's 26. That's a reasonable age to act with some self respect and maturity. Her last relationship wasn't abusive; from what I can see he treated her like a queen. By her own admission, she was bored with him and broke up. They'd been together for 5 years.

I've had a number of conversations with her but it's falling on deaf ears.

When I'm not here I take responsibility for my dog and have him looked after by a walker. There's an expectation on her part now that I will look after her dog when I'm home and she isn't, or she's on holiday. The way she's acting at present means that I would have my own dog (who has fits) and hers and my job whilst she buggers about, frankly. She's 26 going on 14...!

Cheeky git. Had you checked out my other posts you'd see I'm not.

Grow up.

I'd like to hear about her relationship with her father. Was he respectful and caring? Did he instil her good values in her?

You sound jealous

Sorry, why can't it be both?? She's shagging about and then when I've had the conversations with her about self respect and health of herself and others, she's started lying about it.

Not to mention that when I'm here or not that she can't look out for my dog and so why the hell would I support her getting her own...

If she wants multiple people for sex that's her business but it's the impact on her life and then mine which rattles me, not to mention that I'd end up looking after her dog too (should I not manage to intervene in that) and the neglect of mine by way of ignoring him and not filling his water bowl if he's drank a lot that day.

I'm lucky to WFH a lot, but the behaviour I now witness is really winding me up.

Hahahaha! 🤣 Oh, if you only knew anything about my previous life...!

Op, she is not emotionally mature enough to look after a baby or a dog. You will be left with the responsibility if that happens. I don’t say this lightly, but it sounds like she needs therapy to deal with her issues. She is crying out for attention. Do you know why?

He's had to be persuaded in the past to have contact with her ever since she was a child ☹️ He moved very far away and didn't phone her often. He saw her about every 3 months.

She's seeking male attention, clearly. But she's not considering WHY; she sees this all as she's young and is just experiencing life 🤷🏻‍♀️

God I’m cringing even more for you now.

😬

Apart from this, what's your relationship like with her?

she’s punishing you by doing things to hurt you (the guys the dog)why? what does she think youve done to her? does she thibk youve prevented her dad from coming or somethimg? when it’s more like hes not interested. sad really this looking for a father figure. i looked for love in the wrong places too. didnt end well.

she needs counselling asap. and i’d tighten down on the house rules and say no men in my home. ever. and stop talking about sex. work on your rejationship and love bomb her. buy her condoms and tell her if she gets pregnant she needs to leave.

Get a life, luv.

well it is YOUR dog, not hers.
I don’t think she has an obligation to look out for your dog.

Nor do you have an obligation to look out for hers.
If you don’t want to look after her dog, then you have to stop expecting her to look out for yours. It goes both ways.
Just be clear she can’t have a dog while living under your roof and that when she does take a dog it is 100% her responsibility, 24/7. Could it be that you think she will expect you to look after it?

I see. Congratulations on bringing up your child on your own. She has turned out to be a strong and resolute individual and you should be proud of her.
I would be concerned too if I was in your shoes. She is an adult now and she can do whatever she wants but her reckless behaviour. The only thing you can do is to signal in clear terms that if she messes up you will not be there to pick up the pieces.