Eccentric SIL

[ProbablybeingU]

SIL has a very eccentric personality and parenting approach. She is a spiritual person who reads tarot, loves yoga/pilates and is vegan. She has always been a bit “hippy dippy” - although doesn’t look remotely like the stereotypes you’d imagine, she is just a normal woman.

She is very lovely but has a bit of an eccentric approach to parenting. DN is being raised vegan, she used elimination communication from being newborn, doesn’t allow sleepovers or quite frankly anyone to babysit. Niece is 3 years old and as far as I’m aware her Mum has watched her twice over night and that was by staying at BIL and SIL house. Niece has never been in nursery and SIL has just announced plans to home educate.

From what I’m aware all of her friendship group all have children a similar age so niece does socialise a lot with kids of similar age but none of her friends share similar beliefs to SIL and all of their kids attend nursery/school etc.

AIBU to think she’s setting DN up for failure here/perhaps to be singled out? I’m aware kids can be quite nasty.

Op leave Sil alone and concentrate on raising your own 'boisterous', screen addicted kids.

Why are they boisterous anyway, is it because they're boys and you think that's what they're supposed to be like so you don't stamp it out?

I'm with StonwEd
If this is your idea of eccentric OP, fuck knows what you'd make of me, blue hair vegan etc I've always been a flower child, love, peace and heavy metal mad.My kids turned out well and suitably educated with good jobs and salaries.😆
Hoike the judgy knickers up why don't you?

Veganism is an idiotic superstition?

We sent dd to forest school when she was 3. We were prepared to homeschool when the time came, but her personality screamed school so off she went.

as long as your SIL follows child-driven parenting, a cornerstone of most hippy-dippy parenting, her child will do well.

Well don't you sound so judgemental. She doesn't sound eccentric at all! Bringing her child up her way, a good way. You are very narrow minded. Your way is not the only way to bring up a child. My SIL and I are chalk n cheese at bringing up our children but have a mutual respect for each other's ways. Why don't you try it !

I must be completely off the charts eccentric.

Dc never has a sleep over till they were 9/10 years old
Ds was home schooled because school wasn’t teaching him anything
Only had a baby sitter once. Dc were 4years and 6years old

Both dc were raised vegetarian. DS is now vegan
Not too sure why Yoga is considered to be eccentric
Also I do believe in astrology. The type where it takes account of birth time, date and place of birth

Wondering how children will bully dn if she isn’t going to school and the other children she meets are also home educated

I had to google 'elimination communication'

jfc 😒

OP, you need to learn the phrase “Good for you, not for me.” What works for one family might not for you and that’s fine.

None of what you’ve said is eccentric really. I wouldn’t choose to home educate but saying that kids might be mean when they notice differences is a bit of a reach. Children get teased and bullied at school too.

Nothing sounds that eccentric. I wish I’d know about elimination when I had my daughter. Who is 3, does not go to nursery.

She will not be having sleepovers and friends. She has slept out a few times, my mum, my sister and PILS. First few times was out of necessity. Once I’ve gotten used to it just to have a life with my husband. Only a couple of months before she turned 3.

I wish I was in the position to home school but I don’t think it would work. She is down to start nursery but not until September. She will be 4 in October.

What a vile post. She's not "throwing away all of her hard work" just because she doesn't have some high flying career FFS - surely it's good that she's well educated given she's homeschooling?!

I am not remotely hippie, vegan or crunchy. But I think your sister-in-law sounds just fine. Her little girl is doing well and they sound like a close and happy family.

Whilst I eat meat, I do care about animal welfare and dislike zoos, so I can understand why she wants to find out about the zoo. Maybe she wants to know about its conservation work and how much space the animals have. That’s fair enough.

I think you are portraying faux concern but you are actually judging. In fact, I am convinced of it.

Imagine what the SIL would say about you and your boisterous screen addicted children….

Children can be nasty and judgemental but as you’re demonstrating very clearly so can adults.

i took 8 years out of work from a very high powered job to look after my kids. You’ll be pleased to know I’m back at the high powered coal face full time now. It was right for me and my family - not wrong because you wouldn’t do it.

By your own admission, your niece socialises with other children, she just doesn't have sleepovers. Struggling to see what the problem is...

So what if you don't 'know anyone who parents like her'? She's doing her own thing. Maybe you should just do yours...?

so according to you being spiritual is wrong? ( I am saying this as a Christian!!), what about your sister's right to spirituality of choice as a human right
so according to you protecting your child from possible nasty encounters from sleepovers is eccentric. Are you ok??

so according to you, having the right , it is a legal right , still!!! in the UK makes her eccentric and you know already that her child is set up for a failure in life.

you sound "naiiiiiice"

Yes, how would you feel if people judged your choices? SIL sounds like a fantastic Mum!

so according to you, having the right to home-educate , it is a legal right , still!!! in the UK makes her eccentric

Again... unclear what any of this has got to do with you. It's none of your business and it's a bit weird how much you're obsessing over this woman's life.

Her choices are different from your choices. The end. Move on.

Fretting about this to the degree that you need to start a Mumsnet thread in a bid to get other people to say 'Yes, she's an awful weirdo and you're much more sensible than her' is fucking weird.

My child is 9 and has had quite a few sleepovers with family now but not from the age of 3. At 3 I would have let others have him for a couple of hours but not been comfortable with a sleepover, everyone is different.

Homeschool is unconventional but there are hobby clubs niece could join to meet other children. Brownies for example.

I'm all for people being eccentric and, as you say, 'hippy dippy', I like that kind of atmosphere. However the idea of tarot cards does freak me out, anything like that, astrology, mediums or whatever, I find scary.

Nevertheless there is nothing you can do about it, op. It's a free country. Hopefully your niece will grow up taking the good bits and ignoring the extremes. As long as she is happy and healthy, don't worry.

Your niece is 3!!! YABU. That's hilarious op. Completely fine to not want strangers to have her overnight or even family unless necessary. I woo be more concerned by parents allowing sleepovers at such a young age. Before they can communicate clearly if something is wrong. All sounds fine to me other than I probably would not insist on the veganism because we are omnivores but sure your sil has done her research.

I can't wrap my head around home schooling. You'd have to be quite a narc to think that you could do a better job than professional teachers. Also, I left school with 5 O'levels (low graded), whereas both of my children are University educated and are definitely way more academic than me. I would have limited their prospects by home schooling!

The only eccentric bit for me is tarot reading, but the rest sounds fine! I think more parents would adopt some of these choices if they had the will and time - elimination communication and home schooling is something I wish I had the energy for.

Absolutely none of your business. Sounds like a very well loved and looked after child

Well DN won't be bullied by other children as she won't see any! She is being smothered by her ridiculous earth mother. Who I bet doesn't believe in a hard day's work.

there is thriving home schooling social network, so why wouldn't she see other children and adults - the OP hasn't mentioned her SIL from banning her seeing other dc

You are expecting your SIL to live her life as you do because you think that’s ‘normal.’ Eating meat, sleepovers, visiting zoos. That’s your life and your choices but not hers.
Why does this bother you so much?
Perhaps a child who is brought up with no screens, a love of and for animals and nature and a close relationship with her mother will fare better than your children in the future?
Just a thought …