To think we should put a stop to terms like 'toxic', 'narcissistic', 'gaslighting'...

[justalittlethought]

..'safe space', 'boundaries'.

These words were not widely used before 2014/15 (in the way we use them so liberally now), peaking - I'm guessing - around 2020/2022?

Guess what - basically mirroring the Tik Tok, Social Media / Influencer boom.

I'm thoroughly fed up with people using these terms.

Also, people using sociopath and psychopath willy-nilly. These used to be terms used by psychologists/psychiatrists about individual who had some level of formal diagnosis using the DSM-IV.

I don't think we should put a stop to them, but we should definitely use them appropriately. For example, using narcissistic when referring to a person with a formal diagnosis of NPD, not just a MIL we don't like.
Toxic to describe toxic substances.
Gaslighting has an official definition and should not be used every time your lover said something you disagree with.
I don't have an issue with boundaries.
Safe space...well, the whole concept can be a bit problematic, depending on context.

Not sure that banning words is the way to go, no.

Of course, and that's what I meant with they didn't used to be widely. It was mainly in a clinical setting (hence the mentioning of the DSM-IV).

Failing using hyperbole for effect.

I think there are places when these are appropriate but not the wide-spread use as it is now!

Who made you the boss of language? I love the word gaslighting and it's origins; I'm not stopping using it.

I agree with you that these words are misused and that the way that therapy-speak and pop-psychology phrases are overused and that it's annoying. But how do you propose that these words could be banned? By whom?

YANBU

These words are overused and so often misused.

Especially 'gaslighting'.

Fine when used by someone who knows what it means and in the proper context.

Having been a victim of a horrible man, I have mixed feelings. I feel that by giving his behaviour a label makes what he did excuseable and also, he has no diagnosis aside from a long history of people who disappear from his life. I feel he would enjoy a label too. He tended to think only he was allowed to have mental health difficulties. Everyone else, he felt was making it up.

What I think would be better is having more robust legal avenues to stop people treating others so badly. I did not have a leg to stand on to fight against my abuser despite evidence as he cut contact.

I was once called a sociopath by a family member. A recent diagnosis from a professional actually means that I am the opposite to a sociopath in professional terms.

YABU. Sometimes they are the right words to use.

Hard disagree. People with narcissistic traits or certain personality disorders rarely seek a diagnosis themselves, which is exactly why wider awareness is so important. My friend was being abused for years and had no idea her ex‑husband’s behaviour fit this pattern until I pointed it out.

She’s still in a horrendous situation because of him, but if she'd recognised the signs earlier, she could have got support sooner and perhaps not lost her children (very sad situation)

My dad showed many traits of sociopathic behaviour, and the idea of him ever seeing a therapist or seeking a diagnosis is laughable. It just wouldn’t have happened — not in a million years. Part of the pattern is that they see rules as something for other people, and that extends to engaging with therapy or any kind of accountability.

If you grew up with a parent who abused you but you could never understand why, would you not want to try and explore that? Why one sibling is bullied but another is treated much more favourably. Or would you just accept that you were treated badly because your parent liked you less. The dynamics of a family are a crucial component of people healing from a lifetime of abuse. But you know what, that parent is never going to get diagnosed because they have no self awareness at all. No conscience. So to me YABU. You haven’t had to live with it.

Are you always this controlling, @justalittlethought .
Only a narcissist would start such a toxic thread and you are gaslighting us.

I'd like to put a stop to the term "put a stop" and to the actual practice of putting a stop to words.

Hmmm, this sounds very much like something a toxic, gaslighting narcissist would say imho 🤔

I was actually gaslighted by employers once. It freaked me out and I had to leave. It made me feel as though I was going mad.

Boundaries has been in use for a long time. It is not new at all.
I have found the people who get annoyed at terms like that are the reason we use that language to begin with.

Look up the term gaslighting. It was around long before the internet.

How are you proposing to “put a stop to” other people using these words? I can think of a few people who would like discussion of gaslighting and toxic behaviour banned, especially by women talking to women, but I don’t think you’d enjoy being lumped in with them. It’s not a very pleasant agenda, whether you mean to be carrying it or not.

I love it too. Unfortunately, nearly everyone seems to think it means any sort of lie, in any situation, no matter how innocuous.

😆

Please god yes, ban them! I immediately discount what is being said due to the cringe factor.

He's a classic narc.
My MiL is just toxic.
The youth of today are entitled.
Speaking my truth.
They're gaslighting me.
Just grey rock him.

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

The word that drives me mad is when people keep saying “I was so triggered” oh my god! Get a grip!

Yep. Some 80 years old it is. Comes from a Play, that was made into a film...

Gas Light (and its famous 1944 film adaptation), where a husband manipulates his wife by subtly dimming the home's gaslights and denying the change, making her doubt her own perception and sanity to control her and steal from her. This psychological abuse tactic, where one person makes another question their reality, became synonymous with the play's title.
Origin in Gas Light

• The Play: In Patrick Hamilton's 1938 play, a husband, Jack, subtly alters his wife Bella's environment, including turning on the gaslights in the attic, which causes the downstairs lights to dim slightly.
• The Manipulation:
• When Bella notices the flickering lights and hears footsteps, Jack denies it, convincing her she's imagining things and going insane
• .
• The Goal: His manipulation aims to make her dependent and unable to trust her own senses, allowing him to steal her jewels.

From Stage to Modern Language Film Adaptation: The 1944 Hollywood film Gaslight, starring Ingrid Bergman, popularized the story and the term. Meaning: The phrase "gaslighting" entered the lexicon to describe this specific form of psychological abuse, where an abuser makes a victim doubt their memories, perceptions, and sanity to gain power and control.

Are you a psychiatrist? If not, then pointing out traits is something you have no business doing.
Surely, it would have been enough to point the signs of abuse. Abuse was, after all, the issue.
People don't have to have narcissistic or sociopathic traits in order to abuse someone.