To think we should put a stop to terms like 'toxic', 'narcissistic', 'gaslighting'...

[justalittlethought]

..'safe space', 'boundaries'.

These words were not widely used before 2014/15 (in the way we use them so liberally now), peaking - I'm guessing - around 2020/2022?

Guess what - basically mirroring the Tik Tok, Social Media / Influencer boom.

I'm thoroughly fed up with people using these terms.

Also, people using sociopath and psychopath willy-nilly. These used to be terms used by psychologists/psychiatrists about individual who had some level of formal diagnosis using the DSM-IV.

I think the words toxic, boundaries and gaslighting are very useful words that can be empowering (I guess that’s a words disliked too)

language evolves and has down long before the internet

Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths aren't known for consulting health professionals. If we had to rely on a clinical diagnosis there wouldn't be any, outside of prisons.

Oh, and before there were professional qualifications and the proprietorial appropriation of diagnostic authority that came with it:

People who weren't accredited ornithologists could still spot a duck (and probably differentiate between ducks and geese)

People who were not qualified GPs could diagnose a squint. Or measles. Or a broken arm

People who weren't qualified midwives could deliver a baby

Etc

First para edited to avoid an amibiguous meaning, and typos.

What a ridiculous statement. Where do you think all the people with an established diagnosis of NPD came from if not for having a clinical diagnosis?

As some replies say some of these terms have been around for a long time. Yes they have been used more in recent years because we have better access to knowledge and ppl discuss things more and more openly. I for one am grateful, there were ways that I was treated in my marriage which was unacceptable but I didn't have the language to say what it was many years ago. Now I can tell you my ex was a manipulative, controlling sexpest. I have since also come to realise that I have lived with a couple of cock lodgers(not both at the same time!)
Having these terms has made it clear to me, how I have been treated in the past and thankfully my DDs are better informed and would not put up with such shit.

I mean, my ex is a narcissist and did gaslight me. Those things are facts, should I not say these words because other people overuse and misuse them?

So much gatekeeping around this topic — you really have to wonder why. Apparently I’m allowed to point out “signs,” but not “traits.” Right, okay… because that’s a totally meaningful distinction and not just people tying themselves in knots to police the language of anyone who’s actually lived through it.

I don’t agree. Getting rid of the words would mean silencing victims.
I think only someone who is viewed as narcissistic by others themselves would want the words erased.

Yes but not as a synonym for “disagrees with me”

The problem is when they are overused and used out of context it devalues the meaning.

Agree. Tiresome language used by tiresome people.

Signs of abuse yes. Because abuse is not a psychological condition. It's a set of behaviours.
You haven't even achieved sufficient levels of reading comprehension. I am really not convinced you should be diagnosing anyone.

Given what you propose is totally impossible to put into effect, YABU.

But often that is a judgement made by someone else

people can’t always explain in words what is happening to them or do not want to explain as it’s painful or just do not feel they need to

there is always the argument that terms and words are being devalued but as I said language and use of language evolves. What is more important is people are able to use language to describe a feeling or a situation that they are struggling with or use language to help them understand what they are dealing with gaslighting is a very good example of this and so is the term boundaries it’s covers so many different potential situations

On Mumsnet the ex is always a narc. Just as men always describe their ex as crazy, for women the go-to word is narc. Obviously he gaslit them too. Every time. The words have become meaningless.

Toxic isn't new. I remember reading a book about toxic parents in the 80s. Some people are toxic.

I’m assuming you’ve been called/accused of one of these things? And you didn’t like it/don’t agree.

Overused I agree, though they have a place on a few occasions. Alongside 'big' and 'literally'.

I disagree. Language evolves as people's lives change. It's sometimes useful to have labels for phenomena which weren't labelled in the past: it gives people more power when they are able to specifically identify something as opposed to having a vague feeling that something is wrong. It's healthy to be able to identify emotions or situations rather than just be forced to brush them under the carpet.

"Gaslighting" is a prime example of this. For millennia women in particular have endured this in their marriages without being able to articulate what is happening. Their ability to do so puts them in a much stronger position to identify and challenge it than in the past where they were made to feel weak or hysterical.

I agree that these words and terms are overused, for sure. But that doesn't mean they have no utility at all.

They diagnosed you as being normal?

But the OP doesn’t want to get rid of the words, she wants to get rid of the misuse and overuse of the words which actually changes the meaning and is just as detrimental to those who have suffered.

I read lots of posts where the OP says she’s being gaslit but turns out her partner is lying to her. It’s very different. Likewise, 99% of the people who post about their narcissistic partner/mum/mil actually describe a selfish person, but selfish isn’t a dramatic enough word for them. Using language in this way diminishes it.

I completely agree. I am so over people using hyperbole to make their point seem bigger or worse.

I would tack on to your post the casual use of serious conditions people use to describe themselves without any diagnosis: like PTSD or a migraine when it’s a headache, or OCD because they like things neat.

It’s the same as someone who is a bit selfish is narcissistic.

And agree with overuse of the word triggered which in my opinion is the ‘reminder’ of a serious issue and shouldn’t be for casual use.

Yanbu - long story but when my relationship ended a specialist police officer told me i was gaslighted. I didnt believe it until i went on a course about healthy relationships and understood it better. In and out of it, it was REALLY hard to spot and even now i sometimes question my own memory/sanity about it. So it amazes me how many people call gaslighting after one post, or people claim their partner is gaslighting them - it really isnt that easy to spot. Some people are mean, spiteful, vindictive, manipulative - its ok to say that but imo its not ok to label everyone as gaslighters as it weakens the term for those of us who has genuinely experienced it and are still struggling to wrap our heads around it.

I can assure you that ‘toxic’ and ‘gaslighting’ are not DSN terms. And the kind of people who throw around ‘narcissistic’ and ‘sociopath’ are the type who just mean ‘someone I don’t like’, but think it sounds more serious. I don’t think it is having any diagnostic repercussions.

There is so much research to show we misuse the word narcissist.
https://theconversation.com/what-weve-learned-about-narcissism-over-the-past-30-years-258505
This research shows how common it is amongst women and typical behaviour is crying a lot, taking offence and making an issue all about them, which describes lots of posters on MN.
These terms will die a death but they are flung about on here as abuse. In fact they are examples of posters indulging in narcissistic behaviour. So many posters are self righteous and honestly think they are the ones in the right for accusing everyone else of being mean whereas they are the ones being aggressive and abusive. So many narcissistic posters on here.

You're not in a position to diagnose people on mumsnet as narcissistic.