To ask DP to get rid of cat?

[whomoon]

My DP and I moved in together 6 years ago and he brought his cat with him. I love cats, have grown up with many over the years and had a cat myself before DP moved in before my cat passed away at an old age.

I was happy having his cat and accepted that she is not a typical cat. She is a ‘character’. Basically, you can’t go near here unless she allows you to and she will only offer you her back for 3 or 4 strokes before she’d turn round and go black eyed ready to swipe you if you dare go in for a 5th.

If you walk past her too many times she’d go for you. She wouldn’t move, she’d stand her ground. You can’t approach her from the front for a stroke. You can’t go near her to move her if she’s on your seat, I have to get a cushion and shoo her away, as she hisses and would take a swipe if she gets angry. On an evening she will sit on your lap like a normal cat, and you could get a couple of head strokes in before she settles but you can’t touch her again after that.

There are many many more examples of this. I’ve never known a cat like her. All my cats through the years have been loving, cuddly, just normal really. Yes, all have their quirks and personality but no issues living with them and dealing with them when necessary. For example I have never even picked this cat up, ever. Never to move her, or even just to hold her. She would claw me apart if I did. My DP manages to if needed and for vets visits, but that literally is it.
I have my thoughts on why she is like this but it’s not really relevant because she is like she is, and 6 years of me living with her has not changed anything. But, we’ve all lived together fine and accepted who she is. Other than warning guests to our home not to touch her, it’s just our normal I guess

So the issue now is, we had a baby in 2024. Baby is now a toddler and I cannot leave them in the same room together. We have to keep the cat behind the kitchen door, behind the dining room door, or behind the door to the stairs to ensure our toddler is both safe and free to move around. This is because our cat has swiped our toddler a few times since they were baby and started moving from 8 months, with the last time being a deep cut on their arm which has scarred. As a typical toddler, they want to touch the cat, but also play near the cat unknowingly being ‘too close’ to her which could set the cat off.

My DP says we just need to teach our toddler how to be with the cat. Yes, with a NORMAL cat that’s what we would do. Gentle hands, give space, don’t pull or poke. But when we can’t even go near the cat ourselves, how do we tell an excitable toddler this, a toddler who has been on the move since 8 months old and wouldn’t even understand until recently what not to do.

My stress and anxiety levels around this is reaching boiling point. The cat scratches at the door constantly to be let out. When the cat moves between rooms we have to watch every millisecond of where our toddler is, if they’re getting too close or in running distance if they get excited to see the cat. Even worse, our toddler now mimics our behaviour with the cat. Shaking their hands at her, shouting (we try to not shout, but hey, it’s stressful to get the cat out the room) and because of my fear of the cat lashing out, when the toddler does get near I panic and rush over going ‘no, no, no’ out of instinct so they don’t get hurt. I don’t want my toddler growing up with this stress, either being scared or hating cats.

I loved my cats growing up. I slept in their cat beds with them, pulled them around in cardboard boxes, wrapped them in blankets. Now I know my toddler won’t have that and that’s okay, but I don’t want the opposite of them hating cats, that would be awful.

today, the cat swiped me for walking past too close. Bearing in mind I do not interact with this cat, and in no way do either of us mistreat her, but because I dared get too close and she swiped me. I shouted so loud my DP was in shock. He knows I’ve reached the next level of my stress with this situation and an ultimatum is coming. I’m a calm, go with the flow person, and our house is our sanctuary. My peace is disturbed and I just can’t relax now.

but how can I ask DP to get rid? Cat is 18 years old and he’s had her since a kitten. But is that really worth his families’ stress and anxiety, closing ourselves off in our already small house to keep ourselves separate from the cat?

Our toddler is at a lovely age and playing really nicely and exploring the house safely. I want them to have this freedom and not have me follow making sure the cat isn’t anywhere near.

Has this happened to anyone, and did you put up with it or rehome the cat?

DP knows I’m not happy and sees cat as part of the family, so would be very reluctant to rehome, which I would feel with one of my own cats but there has to be a point surely!?

So:

YABU = cat is part of the family, DP will never forgive you if you make him get rid of the cat

YANBU = it’s just a cat, toddlers safety is the most importantly and your peace and sanity is also important!

I'd be a bit embarrassed to admit I didn't forsee a toddler...toddling around? And just the basics reality of bringing a child into a house with your cat..this is just basic stuff. It would be one thing if you fell pregnant but you said.you were TTC for a while and never even considered the wellbeing of your future child or the wellbeing of your pet. Honestly bizarre that people think this is a normal thing to not have thought about.

No, the bizarre thing is people placing the wellbeing of a pet equal to or above an actual human family member.

You are prepared to dump an elderly pet because she’s hard work? Nope. Thats horrendous.

Again with the minimising twee language to describe a violent/vicious pet. We can add 'hardwork' to the list that includes spicy, character, feisty, tricky, cranky and annoying.

Absolute nonsense. You don’t dump elderly pets because you can’t be bothered anymore.

I think it’s most likely not haha crazy cat lady doesn’t even do justice, it’s more like certifiably insane cat ladies (or men).

I have never owned a cat or even known one particularly well. Not a cat lady.

But dumping or euthanising an elderly pet when you could just keep her apart from the toddler? Deplorable.

Why exactly can't the toddler start learning not to bother the poor cat? Is this toddler allowed to run into traffic, play with electrical sockets, careen into hot oven doors, drink bleach? Of course not. He must also be taught not to bother any poor animal who isn't interested- and be restrained from doing so until he can do that.

Deciding to own a pet is the same as having a child. You took on the responsibility of the cat, it’s you and your boyfriend’s job to look after it. Who would consider getting rid of n 18 year old cat. The cat will whack the child a couple of times, the child then learns not to go near the cat.

The cat could cause very serious injury to a very small child eg eye injury, which could be life changing, not just a “whack” Are these sort of comments seriously coming from people with children?

In reality it would be extremely hard to keep the child away from the cat 24/7!

You are joking….arent you?

👏👏👏👏

You are spectacularly missing the crucial point here. The cat has already attacked a child and left a scar. Giving you the benefit of the doubt, you must have missed that.

I don't see anyone doing that on this thread unless you just find the concept of people thinking all sentient beings can be respected in the home they live bizarre but some of us dont. If someone was suggesting OP takes in this random old cat then of course that's ridiculous to take that on while she has a child, but they already had the commitment of this pet and it's wellbeing.

OP you'll find your cat isn't in your way often if she has simple safe alternatives of her own to snooze on. If she's swiping after a couple of strokes just learn she probably doesn't want to be stroked. Your child needs supervising around a pet of any temperament so the level of supervision shouldn't be any more stressful. You say she's reacting angrily, stop giving her things to react to. Any old cat will happily snooze the day away in a little corner or shelf off the ground where no one can get to them, if they have it available.

Same here

Same here

Its not a case of 'not borthering' as you inaccurately describe. Its a case of prioritising the welfare and safety of your toddler child over an ill tempered and violent cat. The fact that some people are struggling to work out which is more important is depressing.

I disagree, there is a queue of people falling over themselves to offer solutions or advice that seem to place the wellbeing of the cat as the priority with everyone else (OP and her child) having to adjust their routines and behaviour in order cause the minimal amount of disruption to the aggressive cat. Its crazy.

Cat v old. Take to vet to be checked. Getting rid of it would be incredibly cruel.

If anyone chose their pet over the safety of my child (or any child), I would dump them first. Lightning fast.

Exactly. "tHe cAt wAs hErE fiRsT!" What absolute rubbish some of these "cat mommies" come out with! 😂

No. Prepared to rehome or PTS an elderly pet because it poses a significant risk to a child.

Failing to do that can get you in trouble with Children's Services, btw. They take a dim view of people keeping an aggressive animal in a home with children. 🤷‍♂️

I love cats. I love mine, and she is hard work. She has multiple medical concerns, appears to be developing dementia, and has forgotten how to use a litterbox reliably. But I dote on her and wouldn't have her PTS unless I believe she is suffering. She isn't a risk to anyone, she is lovey and docile, even when she needs her bloods drawn. The vets say she is one of the calmest cats they've ever had to deal with.

If I were OP that cat would be gone the day it injured my baby.

OP, I am the biggest animal lover going. I adore my pets and can’t imagine life without them. But even I think you’ve had the patience of a saint!

Well, yes, that would be understandable if we were talking about a Rottweiler. But the animal in question is a cat. I've yet to see any headlines about children mauled or killed by a housecat.

It’s utter madness to put the cat above the toddler here. The child’s needs come first.