Stranger writes a note re loud chat in café, who is BU?

[FrodoBiggins]

Just read this online and it sounded like a classic AIBU so thought the good citizens of Mumsnet democracy should be allowed to consider.

'A stranger handed me a note saying I was speaking too loud in a cafe - it was mortifying' Metro | News story

YABU - Team green pen - talking lady is BU and should shh
YANBU - Team cat owner - note leaver was nosey and pass agg

I am sick of people speaking so loudly in cafés and restaurants without any consideration for the people around. I can have conversations with my husband, friends in cafés and it is just normal volume between us. There are often others around who speak so loudly and shout every word. I accept that they may not realise it. I would never say anything but I would be irritated inside.

they are a bit less annoying than the ones having a teams work meeting though…

I particularly love "Hope your day is going ok" @BigSkies2022 . I know you may have added that in a genuine attempt to soften the note, but it has the effect of adding a kind of chefs'-kiss perfection to the passive aggression. I also love your refusal to read his note. Brilliant.

I'm terrible in these sorts of situations. I stay politely unreactive until my rage has reached the point that I can't possibly react at all without breaking into a cracked and squeaky voice and going red in the face and even slightly tearful. Or alternatively perhaps doing something that would result in a custodial sentence.

Unless they're showing a football match on screen or similar, I assure you that cafes are civilised places where people keep to a very polite and reasonable volume! The loudest thing tend to be the coffee machine, most cafes are actually very quiet, even when they are busy.

It's only very rude people who try to make it loud and noisy - and everyone else does hate you!

Not in favour of the note, but I absolutely cannot stand people with no regard for others in a public space or on public transport. I just approach people myself and ask them to tone it down, or I move. I cannot fathom people on trains in the morning who have to have mobile phone conversations at 0730. I don't get it. It is forbidden to make noise on public transport in Japan. Bliss.

I have misophonia so am incredibly sensitive to noise. I also don't have a poker face so it's usually very obvious when I'm about to kick off.

I manage a cafe. I can assure you they are not quiet places.

I'm firmly with the note writer here, beautiful handwriting too.

you are pretending that some people cannot control their volume, so the poster was reasonably asking if the anti-social yellers were as noisy in all the places? Either you control, or you don't?

Or did you mean that people have selective-loudness 😂They can magically control their voice in a funeral (for example)

I'm sorry but that's rubbish, cafés are not like libraries!

I don't know what cafe you manage, but all the cafes I go to are quiet. Most of us wouldn't bother if there were noisy and loud places. Might as well going to McDonalds.

Yes, and people can be really rude, assuming no under 18 could possibly have one, and that all over 70s do (some 90 year olds have perfect hearing).
When I took my kids out with their friend who is Deaf, I made a point of speaking clearly and facing him as his mum had warned me to. No doubt some people would have been annoyed, but he has just as much right to be in the conversation as my kids do.
Equally my old auntie got some earphones as she has supersensitive hearing, so she wears these out.

Libraries ARE loud 😂

Or is it just my local ones? Between Rhyme Time, kids craft, and the hundred and one club meetings they have, libraries are the last place I would go if I wanted quiet.

And fair enough, they want to keep them alive, I am not complaining, but all the cafes are quiet place in comparison. Most of us wouldn't bother going otherwise.

Cats called Prada and Mui Mui? Call me judgemental but she's irritated the fuck out of me and I haven't even heard her speak. My dog, Louis Vuitton, agrees.

this thread is a bit worrying for me as I'm sometimes told by my teenagers that I'm too loud. In the past I was never loud (or no one ever commented on it) but I have realised that my hearing has gone down so I'm very willing to admit that I'm now louder than I was in the past. I've also noticed that I've adopted something of a stern mum voice that I (obviously) didn't have in the past.

She looks loud

I went to a cake sale at my son's school last week. Busy hall, lots of noise but everyone just chatting normally. Except for one, slightly self important, slightly over excited mum, who was yelling at everyone and everything she saw. It was a constant barrage of noise.

I don't get how some people don't understand how loud and 'constant' they are (hearing issues excepted).

Anyway. I quite liked the note.

Team Green Pen. Cat lady sounds infuriating. I really don't want to be forced to overhear people's loud and boring conversations either - especially if I'm sitting a few tables away.

Team green pen I’ve been in shops getting served when someone nearby was talking loudly on their phone. There was 1 time the lady serving me was trying to take my details for a points card and we couldn’t hear each other because of shouty man.

So she asked him if he could move away and talk a bit quieter please? I am trying to serve a customer and we can’t he’s each other. He just shrugged and moved away. If she hadn’t of said it I would have done. He was doing my head in.

I wish someone would pass a note to the coach of the local kids' football team. Non-stop hollering. Foghorn Joe is what the residents unfortunate enough to back onto the field call him.

My ex-husband spoke really loudly (still does, he's not dead) and it got louder as he got older and perhaps a bit deafer, and there was something about the timbre of his voice that literally hurt my ears. It wasn't why we split up but it didn't help! Even now when he comes round it FEELS LIKE ALL HIS CONVERSATION WITH ME IS LIKE THIS.

Hearing issues work both ways. I struggle to hear the conversation I’m having in cafes and restaurants so someone talking loudly nearby wouldn’t help. I’m on green ink lady’s side. It’s not like she wrote cunt cunt fucking cunt. Yes, it was passive aggressive but I don’t think that’s such a terrible crime.

Cat woman and her cat names are unreasonable

Oh god this thread has reminded me of the time I was squashed on a full bus next to two women who talked for 25 minutes, without pause, about bacon.

I do have earbuds but often forget them. How I wished for them that day.

And I don’t know what the note said, as I didn’t read it. I’ve no doubt it was some self-justifying, non-apology referencing a sick child/dying parent/ global peace talks. Fuck ‘im: book a different seat you numpty.

Green Pen should have raised with Loud Cat Owner earlier with a polite verbal request to manage the volume rather than fuming for 40mins and writing a pass agg note.

I also have misophonia and favour the direct approach. Told two young lads behind me on the train recently to tone down the volume - they were in the seat directly behind me and one of them was SO loud. The other was totally fine, chatting at a normal volume.