To worry about DH prioritising nephews and nieces over our child

[suziequeue1]

My husband’s sister has 4 kids. My husband absolutely spoils them, which I’ve never had an issue with. Like SPOILSSS THEM. I’m currently pregnant with our first child.

The issue is that his sister is honestly the stingiest person I know. She doesn’t even buy my husband a birthday gift once a year at least to just show him appreciation for all he does for her kids. This came up in conversation recently and I said it would be interesting to see how she treats our child (her first ever niece), considering how generous my husband is with her kids.

I said I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t buy our child birthday gifts, and if that ended up being the case, I think my husband would need to reconsider how much he spoils her kids. My thinking is if someone shows they don’t care about your child, that naturally affects how much effort you put in for theirs.

My husband got really offended by this and said it wouldn’t be fair to “punish the kids” because of his sister’s behaviour. I understand that, but I’m struggling to understand how you wouldn’t be hurt or offended if someone clearly didn’t care about your child.

I told him that if my sister treated our child like that, I wouldn’t be going out of my way for her kids either. (For context, my sister is the complete opposite - very generous and extremely excited to be an aunt, so I’m sure the difference will be obvious to him).

Now I’m left feeling unsettled and even questioning how much my husband will prioritise our own child, since he seems so defensive of his nieces and nephews.

So AIBU to be stressing about this and worrying where my child will fall in his priorities, or am I overthinking it? Maybe it’s pregnancy hormones but this is keeping me up atm. Maybe I’m crazy and overthinking!

I dont buy it.
You're just hatful towards his sister and jealous he loves her

Video calling his sister every day, and checking on the nieces and nephews in the process, sounds like your husband is acting as a guardian to all of them and going above and beyond to care about their welfare. Maybe he worries about their living circumstances and is doing all he can to ensure their safety and happiness. Maybe the present buying is to make up for what is lacking from their parents, who knows? He sounds a very caring, loving, and responsible man, you should be very proud of him.

No I am not lmao

We know because the op says their parents also spoil them a lot?

Thank you for actually reading my replies!!!!

Please please tell me you’re not going to be burning through savings to get through Mat leave while he doesn’t cut back his substantial gift buying. He needs to cover the family costs as a family, or of course he can equally parent, let’s say he can parent from 5pm to 2am and enable you to work an evening job.

Obviously you are being unreasonable. He shouldn't change his generosity with his nephews and nieces because his sister is stingy. Let her do her. The kids will eventually become wise to it.

We have an agreement on an amount of money he will be giving me on a weekly basis. He understands that all rent, bills, groceries etc. will be on him, which shouldn't be an issue as he already covers most of it anyway as his job pays more than mine

"My thinking is if someone shows they don’t care about your child, that naturally affects how much effort you put in for theirs"

How's is that the kids fault? Why would you take it out on them to 'get back' at a parents decision that you have no control over? It's kind of petty op ngl. As an aunt I see my relationship to my niece and nephew as separate to my relationship with my sister so there's nothing my sister could do that would make me cut them off or step back from them unless it was unsafe. And you'd do it over approaches to gifting?

Only if he or she is as insecure and transactional as their mother.

Calm down, OP. Your child hasn’t yet been born, and you’re already wasting mental energy on an imaginary future in which they are neglected by their aunt not buying them birthday presents.

OP you’re massively overthinking this…this may never happen. Your SIL has 4 kids and up to now your DH has none. When you have yours you will realise quite how much work FOUR can be and how easy it is in comparison to be the fun uncle. I had kids before my siblings and I definitely had less time and attention to give my adult siblings when the kids were small, but once they had their own and mine were less full on (and I only have 2) I threw myself into being an auntie.

You obviously dont like your SIL but don’t get jealous and resentful about a completely imaginary situation. It will be lovely for your DC to have a good relationship with their cousins.